Thursday, December 19, 2013

The Hunger Games trilogy.

So umm guys this came in the mail just now and I am soooo excited that I just have to blog about it now. Like now NOW! True, I went to somewhere nice last weekend and I would love to share it soon but that can wait - this, this is the real deal!


I know I know you'd probably be like, meehhhh we've all finished that loooong ago. But nuuuuu it's a big deal for me because (1) I'm not a big fan of fantasies, hence my lack of appreciation towards The Lord of The Rings and even Harry Potter :| Despite how people keep saying they grew up with it, I just watched the first two movies and forgot about them - it's too gloomy to watch! D: and (2) I don't buy books. Hardly. Ever. Buy. Books. I grew up reading a whole stack of hardback Enid Blyton series and some ancient Readers' Digest magazines in the 80s - 90s thanks to my parents, but no I don't use my pocket money to buy books. Books are too expensive!

Which is a very good reason for me to be excited about this time, because I got this trilogy of The Hunger Games for £4.49 delivered. SCORE!

And and aaaaand, I have to admit now that I have a Kindle, I prefer reading on Kindle more than paperbacks. Say what you have to say about nothing beats the good old smell of a fresh book, Kindle beats them all in term of convenience. Let's face it, books can be quite heavy especially when you want to read it before bedtime and holding the pages open can be annoying if not heartbreaking - well no one likes to crack the spine of a newly bought 400 pages book :(

And I read more with this Kindle. Ahh heavenly.

Just that The Hunger Games trilogy on Kindle is waaaaay too expensive. About 10 quids or so I think, and remember how I said I don't usually buy books? Point taken.

With regard to point number (1), the second movie Catching Fire got me sold completely! I hate how they leave it cliffhanging that I just have to buy the books to know what's next. GAHHH. I remember watching first The Hunger Games on my flight back to Malaysia and thought it was so good despite people around me saying it was so-so. Then Catching Fire came out and that's it, I'm done - Must. Buy. The. Books.

Sadly though I don't dare to unbox(?) them yet or else I'll spend hours reading them straight like how I did with Tony Parsons' Man and Boy before my summer exam last two years. Yes I passed Alhamdulillah, but the guilt of indulging myself in such a good book when I should be revising was just too much!

I guess it will be sitting at my bedside looking proud like a throne, for now. And now that excitement's over, back to revision! Have a good Thursday everyone!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Stomach flu.

".. Forgiving isn't something you do for someone else. It's something you do for yourself. It's saying, You're not important enough to have a stranglehold on me. It's saying, You don't get to trap me in the past. I am worthy of a future." - The Storyteller, Jodi Picoult

On a completely unrelated note, I have been 70% bed-bound for the past two days, making it a total of three days as the clock strikes 12 tonight. 

Yes yes it's yet another How I spend my winter break post. Which sadly, doesn't get better in time. I'm  caught up in what I'm pretty sure called as the stomach flu, or in its clever name viral gasteroenteritis. Which, let's be very honest, doesn't quite tally with all other symptoms that I have.

Stuff related to stomach flu:

Nausea, checked
Vomit, checked
Diarrhoea, checked
Bloating, checked
Abdominal cramps, checked
Mild fever, checked

Stuff I'm not sure why:

Massive intermittent abdominal cramps lasting 10-20 seconds every 15-20 minutes
Localised dull ache around the area of the xiphoid process

These two are pretty mysterious, and they're are the ones waking me up at night, horrifyingly. They seem more of a musculoskeletal stuff, but who knows? I'm not entirely convinced that it has to do with reflux and stuff since it really is pain, rather than burning sensation etc. And it doesn't go anywhere i.e. you get burning sensation behind your sternum up to your throat with reflux.


And no, I am not pregnant. Yet.

I rarely get gastrointestinal upset. Hardly. Ever. The foodie I am doesn't quite agree with it. Now that I'm having them, I can hardly eat and even if I do, I would be having a hard time to keep them down. I have been surviving on Milo, cereals and bread for the last 24 hours. And people, I really am desperate.

Had a friend staying over last night at our place who's been trying to coax me to eat regularly, albeit whatever it is. Another friend who gave the classic ever so well-known Chi Kit Teck Aun pill brought all the way from Malaysia just to see if it works. Another friend who suggests that ginger tea (or just ginger drink, really) would help. I took them all. I mean, I really took them all!

On a more positive note, I get to lay down for three days not feeling guilty about not studying whatnot and truly rest. No that's not quite true. I am worried about my revision especially when I'm planning to go somewhere nice this weekend and Adam will be here pretty soon and.. (I thought this should be a positive note?)

Okay back to to being positive, I finally get to finish Jodi Picoult's latest book The Storyteller yay! Bought it on Kindle and it's so good! Hence the quote above. Heh.

Above all, thank you for spending your precious minutes on this rambling - I am a baby when I'm sick. And please please, do pray for my health. Sakit kafarah dosa, true enough.

And pray for the flood victims in Pahang and Terengganu as well. The last thing I heard is Dungun is now flooding. And that's where I grew up, really.

Please be safe people, be safe!

Friday, December 6, 2013

How I spend my winter break in one picture.

So it's officially our winter break! A winter break that lasts til end of February 2014 (hopefully) with a gap of exam week somewhere in the middle, say whaaattt..??!? Anyways..

Before the start of my winter break

Remember these girls from my Sheffield post some ancient months ago? So yeah, half of them were here in Leicester last two weeks. Wait not even half.  Just the two of them - Ana and Edy. But never estimate their capabilities to run down a house. I had to apologise to my housemates in advance just in case we make weird noises in the middle of the night. Well these two can giggle like nobody's business with just each other's company, and now there was me, what do you expect? A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do man. Which is giggle all the way. And take loads and loads of selfies haha! There isn't much to say, really. It's just pictures of us. Yes, literally, just US, a bunch of giggling girls.

Don't say I didn't warn ye.

Clock Tower and all its glory of Christmas!

It's pretty obvious when it comes to our height. Also, Ana's reaaaaally good with selfie!

Seems like a pretty serious conversation for a mango, don't you think? Lol.

Notice how Edy's batting her eyelashes to the young seller. Haha!

They went all ooh-aahing at how cheap fruits and veges are at the market. And yes, it's our pride - the market. It seems quite dodgy lol to some extent, but here you can get a bowl full of clementines and oranges for £1, where you pay the same amount for 5 pcs in Tesco. Win!

Whenever you see pictures taken using self-timer, it's actually part of a series of pictures. I usually use timers in burst mode, say 10 captures at one time, hence all the weird poses lol. But for the sake for these unmarried ladies (thank you husband!), I'll save the worst for ourselves. Not gonna post any 'gambar tolak jodoh' as they claim it. Gambar tolak jodoh, how funny is that! Lolol.

Then we took it to the next level, to my bedroom. Double bed redefined, check.

Ana: Kau takde remote ke Bella? DSLR dah canggih dah, beli la remote pulak. Kata gadget freak.
Bella: Well, aku maybe gadget freak, tapi aku bukan selfie freak.


This was when Ana got excited over my hairstyler that she decided it would make an excellent prop for a photoshoot. Dear Ana's future husband, bertabahlah. Kahkah.

And I just have to post this ---

This is usually how it looks like at the end of the burst mode - us rolling all over the place giggling laughing like mad. I couldn't even hold myself when I was going through the pictures - we were so ridiculous!

Ahh good times good times. Now I wish the rest of the bebimbos (haha) were here. Missing you guys. Sigh.

After the start of my winter break

Endless revision. Winter break at its best.

Friday, November 29, 2013

The fight for you is all I've ever known to come home.

So these past few days I've been sleeping after Isyak around 6-9pm, and stay awake til 2-3am before going to bed again.

And wake up at 9-10am (well there was one time I woke up at 12pm) DIE LA LIKE THIS D:

Problem is, I get all sort of weird things with that kind of sleeping pattern - headache, binge eating, mood swing, you name it.

Last night in one of my messed up sleeps, I had a dream of this one Korean song which Adam asked me to listen to some ancient time ago. Yes my dream got sound! I read somewhere it's not normal to remember your dreams, let alone to have sound in them. Well things are really getting into my head what to do.

So it's this song that I woke up to, ringing in my ears, with very little success of me humming it so that Adam could look it up for me. I'm rubbish with Korean songs oh well.

Thing is, it's such a sad song. All melancholic and nostalgic wth. So not only I woke up to a song I couldn't find on Youtube, I also woke up to sudden overwhelming sadness and hunger (this is a must regardless what mood I am in). And and aaaanddd this song is about some high school relationship and it sorts of brings back the memories of Adam and I back at KMB - we were classmates sitting next to each other in the class and left random love notes everywhere and all the sweet stuff yes can puke now lol. But noooooo I truly miss having someone to peek at in class. And wink at (though I couldn't really wink, still can't now sigh). And merajuk and annoy our classmates and teachers with our college sweetheart stuff. And how much Adam would try to make me stop drinking that Nescafe Mocha in fear of caffeine overdose.. Well if only he knows how much caffeine I take these days hee hee.

Btw 'hee hee' is how my mom giggles in her text. Hee hee.

You know, those days when things seemed so carefree.. Well apart from having a family living abroad unreachable by phone, that kinda sucks. Ahh those days.. Makes me realise how we're now all grown ups.

Which brings us to this!

I don't know why the picture seems so blur. Well, Samsunggg. Mehh.

And that is my mom's full name - so long I wonder how it fits in her IC. (Hi Ummi!) *waves*

But anyways, Alhamdulillah.

After more than five years living away from each other.. We're all finally coming home! Thank you to those who've been praying for us. To those who've been listening to my rants about distance and stuff.. Thank you so much! You'll probably get different kind of rants from me after this hee hee.

And when I saw this..

Yes Adam, finally you get to be with the rest of your siblings - and be bullied and annoyed and lose all the privileges of being the only child living with Ayah and Ummi.

Thank you Allah. I couldn't ask for a better life.

Monday, November 25, 2013


The other day my mom said this,

"I know how you work. Once you built a wall it's almost cannot be broken."

-- referring to my very strong preference/liking. My heart (my heart, not me) has an issue of letting things pass - from the simplest thing like: 

1. A very messy house and I'll keep on whining making a huge fuss out of it even if I no longer see it.
2. A pair of running shoes that doesn't match my gym bag.

To the more complicated things like:

1. Someone did something wrong to me once, I'll remember it forever. Yes, for-e-ver.
2. The dish sponge is not placed in the right way (or rather, my way) Fine la this one not so complicated.

Horrible I know. The other day someone asked why am I such a pink freak, considering almost everything I own is in pink - even my room is in shades of pink! I AM NOT A PINK FREAK. Just so happens that I own something in pink, I think it started with my black and pink Nike backpack, since then everything had to follow suit. And my room, well, I have this pink and purple carpet inherited by Kak Hana who's now safe and sound and successful in Malaysia as a doctor (Hi Kak Hana! *waves*). Since the carpet is already pinkish, I can't have a blue bed sheet can I? So the story of the pink stuff continues..

Why do you think my gadgets are all from Apple? MacBook, iPhone, iPad, iPod.. No it's not really the case of an Apple freak, I just want them to match! God knows how badly I want to get my hands on Samsung Note. But nooo I just can't bring myself to D:

Well if you feel this everything-has-to-match-attitude is annoying, imagine HOW I FEEL. There are times when I really feel like screaming to myself - ENOUGH WITH THE MATCHING OBSESSION I WANT TO BUY GREEN SHOES F--- OCD. Needless to say, nope I did not buy green shoes.

So recently I did an online OCD screening test, and guess what?

(Btw OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, just thought I'd say that)

Not fun.

Example questions (so that you can pass the OCD exam heheh)

1. Do you worry about accidentally hitting a pedestrian with your car or letting it roll down the hill?

Heck I don't drive that much, but when I do, I always have this idea of hitting someone. When someone's driving (and that would usually be Adam), I will always, I mean always ask him to hit anything that crosses the road (people, dog, etc). Sometimes I would even scream like "Why don't you hit him/her/it??!?" HORRIBLE I KNOW.

2. Are you concerned about physically harming a loved one, pushing a stranger in front of a bus, steering your car into oncoming traffic; inappropriate sexual contact; or poisoning dinner guests?

The ones highlighted are the ones that I think most. Considering I don't drive that much, then the former one is more applicable to me. If you walk with me, you'll notice that I don't walk too near at the edge of the sidewalk, out of fear of PUSHING SOMEONE INTO THE LANE AND BEING RUN OVER BY A VEHICLE. The same happens when I'm waiting for the pedestrian light to turn green, that fear is always there, hence me standing a bit further from the road.

Now that I say it, I'm pretty sure no one wants to walk with me anymore. I'm a serial pusher (?) Tsk :(

OCD can be a lot of things. For example, I have a friend with a self-diagnosed OCD (that's what we are, self-diagnosed, really, HAHA) whose obsession is cheking and re-checking that everything is in place, the tap is tightly closed, the light switch is off, etc. Me, not so much. My OCD tends to sway towards matching colours and things to be arranged in my way, even the simplest thing like the room door must be shut at all times, the hangers have to be in certain arrangements, the window blinds must be shut downward etc.

It doesn't help that I have very strong preferences and little things bother me. For example, I almost cannot walk on the floor barefoot. Not just here in UK because of the cold, but since I can remember. Even at home back in PV8 - I need to wear slippers in the house. And unpleasant smell bothers me. A lot. Like Adam once used this one detergent with a smell incompatible with my nostrils (haha), I refused to wear my clothes washed in that detergent and ended up wearing his instead. That also explains why I don't let Adam fold my clothes because they have to be folded in my own way. Yes WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

When we first got married, I had a massive internal issue with having Adam in the same room with me. All the time. Adjusting was difficult. Things like, "Bags are not supposed to be placed here, it should be there" and "Can you please put the hairbrush back to where you found it, please?" HAHA. That was then. Now I must say I am super thankful for having him tsk tsk (terharu). Apparently Adam has his own way of arranging his stuff too, just that he isn't bothered if they're not. Unlike me, I'd go on full blown stress-mode if my brain rejects how things are.

Think we're in the same shoes? Check here.

Here's to self-diagnosed OCD and pushing people in front of a bus! 

Okay. Tak.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013


I first learnt the meaning of the word 'travel' from Ayah.

Ayah. Yes, my father. He always reminds us how we are all travellers in this temporary world. He even named our house back in Terengganu "Darul Sementara" which literally translates to "The Temporary Home" - which easily means that this world is impermanent, that there is something more important at the end of the road - the hereafter.

Ayah is a very simple man. He was the one who taught me to set goals or matlamat as he loves to say it, even if it seems so far from reach. And repeat them. All. The. Time. Have your goal visible so that you are always reminded by it. I remember when I was in primary school, he wanted to go to Beijing (for whatever reasons) so badly, and during that time, whenever we asked him where he was going (to office, surau, etc), he would answer - Beijing. He even bought a toy bus for us and pasted "Beijing" at the front of the bus as the destination. Little things, but he did them nevertheless.

Needless to say, he did go to Beijing at some point with Ummi few years later.

(I'm thinking that was probably one of the reasons why I insisted to study in the UK, regardless of whatever course I would do - I just have to study in the UK) -- On another note, nak sangat study UK, dah sampai sini homesick menangis nak balik. Pooodah.

He was the one who taught us to have plans of the day, to work out what we want to do on that day, and at the end of the day do a reflection of our achievements. His usual words over dinner, "So apa hasil kamu hari ni?" And we would be eager to answer, listing what we've learnt at school or simple things like reciting the prayer for my class. On days when we thought we had nothing to be proud of, he would encourage us to just mention good things that we did, as petty as "not watching TV for hours." And when we really didn't have anything to say, we would feel ashamed of ourselves. To that extent.

When he sent us to school (in my case, drop me at my boarding shool or during the weekly visits), he would remind us of this magic phrase "Orang berjaya memberi hasil, orang gagal memberi alasan." At some point we got really annoyed by it, and often mocked him, and he would laugh and dismiss it and still keep saying it. My father is a patient man. A very patient man.

He never raised his voice to us. Never. Not once have I seen him shouting in my entire life. When we did something unpleasant, the easiest example would be fighting among each other, he would simply remind us that if one of us cried, both of us would be punished. Often we compromised, with the elder ones not wanting the little ones to cry.

Whenever we raised our voice and upset him (and it took an extremely high effort to upset him -- he's just too patient), he wouldn't argue back, he would simply keep quite, and said "Don't talk to me" - and that meant not talking to him until we apologised. It wasn't much of a big deal especially when you were a kid and not talking to your father for a day meant extra hours of TV and playground. But back then not talking to Ayah meant the whole house wouldn't talk to you, as if you didn't exist (as dramatic as it sounds), so it wouldn't be long till we succumbed to our ego and asked for his forgiveness. And that was all it took - apologise, and he'd smile like nothing happened.

But if we did cross the line, Ayah would count from one to seven, literally one, two, three, .. up until seven. Once the number reached eight, it would be official, we'd get punished - which is a stroke of rotan on our butt (or palm, whichever we prefer) in the prayer room away from the other siblings to maintain our dignity just in case we cried (which we usually did). But then by the time we left the room, we would be smiling like nothing happened just to show to the other siblings that it did not hurt. Dignity. Your emotions are yours - that's what I've been taught since I was a kid. Which I usually failed terribly. And still failing.

Ayah used to keep a book with a huge "Mesyuarat Keluarga" with him, which was exactly what it said - the family meeting book. We had family meetings usually on Thursday nights after Maghrib to discuss anything we wanted to share. I remember once, my "big" issue was wanting to join the school field trip to Kuala Lumpur by flight, and it would cost around RM200. And back then, RM200 was a lot if it was to be spent on me alone. I had to write an official "letter" stating why I wanted to go so badly. In fact I had to write a letter every month asking for my monthly allowance since I was in primary school. The letters would be kept in a family file so that we knew whether I've received my monthly allowance or not. At some point I really thought it was such a hassle, but money did not come easy back then, and Ayah was just training us to be well-disciplined.

He is also the man who lives by the rule - early to bed, early to rise. Which pretty much sums up who I am today. His words -- "Find a man who can wake up for Subuh by himself, then everything else is sorted."

Ayah, the man who keeps telling us to work hard while we still can. "Hidup ini memang untuk bekerja, kalau nak berehat lepas mati nanti." Subtly addressing the need to work hard to survive this world and prepare for the hereafter. So that we can truly rest there, in Jannah.

He's the one who keeps encouraging me to write. Write. For one day you'll forget.

A man who firmly believes in the power of mind control - "No one can hurt you with your consent." You choose how to feel towards things.

Recently he said this to me, "Life is not just about looking for flight tickets to Belfast in weekends" -- with regard to my never-ending need to be with my husband, reminding me to see the world from a different point of view. Yes, we're married. But no, we're not an ordinary couple. Togetherness is a luxury.

I always thought him as eccentric and different, when I realised that I, too, have many of his traits - even some of his way of thinking.

I am pretty much the emotional version of my father. 

We both love to travel, and needless to say, with the distance separating him from Ummi, and Adam from myself, we do travel. A lot.

But most importantly, in this temporary world, we are all travellers, wayfarers, making our way to the hereafter while trying our best to be reminded of the temporariness and not be drowned by the world and its glitters. 

Monday, November 11, 2013

Of NMG 2013 and a friendship lost in time.

Had my third dose of Nottingham's Malaysian Games last weekend. This time I went there as a player rather than to wander around and have fun because I was so disappointed with last year's food stalls that I told myself I definitely wouldn't go to Nott's Games if I wasn't playing. But surprise surprise, life has its own's way to play trick on people (or rather, me?) because this time the food was pretty awesome. We got nasik kerabu, some nasik ayam masak merah, char kuay teow, apam balik etc. AJ's sister tagged along so she bought those food for us while we were stuck at the netball court. How nice :')

But then, it's also kinda annoying because last year when I went there for fun, the food was disappointing. And it's this time when I went as a player that the food was all cool. How fun.

We met Cardiff in group match, AGAIN. Sigh. I don't know what is it with us and Cardiff. It's been three years in a row that we were in the same group. And they were sooo good! We came close to beat them last year with a draw, but this time around, we lost completely. Blegh. But then again, they got bronze so finally Cardiff went home with a medal! Yaaayyy!! The gold went to, guess who, yeah, LSE. Don't tell me I didn't warn ye.

Okay I'm a little bit biased here because I know most of the Cardiff people and of course, there's Edy, the sharp shooter. Haha!

Leicester's netball team

Because I'm so kind and I love my team, I'll introduce you each and every one of us.
From left - Nana, Kak Fasya, Bella, Haifaa, Pei, Lynn, Intan, AJ, Ze Lyn

And I look sooo tiny D:

We got quite a few compliments saying how smart we look with our pink and black outfits. If there was a Best Outfit Award for netball team, we'd probably already bag it haha!

But then, nothing beats the feeling of seeing a good friend you haven't seen in six years..

Amira Suhada aka Shud

I hardly tell people about my high school life. Truth is, I went to two schools - one in my lower form, and after PMR I left to another school.

Shud is a friend from the latter. There are actually five of us in the 'gang', and I was the only new Form Four among us.

For some reasons, we keep very minimum contact with each other after leaving school. And it doesn't help that I shut myself almost completely after high school, allowing very few people in my life.

When I met Shud, we just had to tell each other what exactly happened in those six years that are lost in time. Some part of me that has been repressed all these while was, for some reasons, awakened. I was scared. I was reeeeally scared to remember again. I have always been a firm believer that some things are best left unsaid. And to be honest, I was expecting some fresh cut and bleed from those memories, but to my surprise, it actually felt good. It felt so good to finally remember again. To reminisce it with someone who understands. Someone who knows. To feel again. To know that you're not the only one who have been feeling the way you're feeling now.

It felt like someone just lifted a huge burden on my chest - a burden I had to carry all these years all by myself.

However scary it might seem, despite everything that happened, us - the five of us, are still one of the best memories I hold close to my heart until now. We defined friendship in our own way. In a way I could never find in others.

And towards the end, Shud said this,

"Remind me how you're such a good listener Bella. You've always been one."

Babe, I love you too.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Write. It keeps you sane.

I kinda decided to stop writing in public last few days because
1. It makes me feel transparent.
2. Transparency can be dangerous.

But today I've succumbed to the writer in me, partly because
1. Writing keeps me sane.
2. I've got nothing better to do other than writing.

Most of all, writing makes me happy.

I hope it makes you, too.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

For I cannot weaken if You are with me.

"Send me a light and a lantern to guide me
This world weary traveller is yearning for hope."
Heartsong, Talib Al-Habib

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

A woman's hunger.

One thing I hate most about staying up late (past 10pm is late) is because I usually would go reeeeeally hungry but too lazy to fix something up. Talk about very hungry that I even consider ordering a pizza. So just now was one of those moments.

I was staring blankly at my laptop screen tucked in my throw refusing to do anything because I was too hungry. And it was so cold I couldn't even bring my hands out. So I resorted to my safety net - Adam.

Called him on Facetime --- made sad faces, whining about how hungry I really was.

Apparently he had a bigger problem in his mind. Tomorrow he'll have to leave the house by 7am and that means waking up 6.30am the latest. That, if you ask me, is nothing compared to my hunger.

In his lazy attempt to distract me from my hunger and convince me to go downstairs and find something to eat, I found a bag of Walkers in my room.

Opened it, chomped on it, said goodbye to Adam twenty seconds later.

And Adam was like, is that it? You're ditching me now because you've found food isn't it?
(this is how I would've said it - he said it in a slightly different way)

YES. I'm done here. I've got my bag of chips. Nothing to do here anymore.

And there I thought, sigh, my husband knows me too well. Feed me good food, and I will love you for the rest of my life.

Oh, and ice creams too.

And handbags.

And at least thirty minute cuddles before going to bed together.

And shopping trips.

And Ferrero Rocher.

And morning kisses.

And... Sigh. 


Tuesday, October 29, 2013

That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.

Above quote by John Green from his book, The Fault in Our Stars.

I know I ought to be continuing the LASIK stuff, but well.. That can wait.

For the past few weeks I've been getting spontaneous bruises out of randomness. Sometimes they hurt, most of the times they didn't - at least not until I noticed them. Sometimes it was a single big blob of blue-yellowish nasty bruise, most of the times they were just patches of small bruises. I've known to be bruising easily for all my life, so it didn't really concern me.

Not until for the last couple of days I noticed there is a patch of bruising at the back of my knee - at the popliteal area. Now that's an odd place to find a bruise, especially when all this while it has always been down the leg. And oh, did I mention that when I felt for it (in Medicine it's called palpate), there seemed to be like a crunchy thing lying underneath the skin. Talk about haematoma and aneurysm of the popliteal artery, heh?

And to make it worse, after a round of netball game last night.. I found another bruise on my waistline near the hip - I MEAN WHO BRUISES THEY WAIST?

And guys, they hurt. The bruises hurt. I don't usually mind them, but when they hurt, I get really frustrated with them. Alright blood vessels, you want to spill a bit, go ahead. But stop freaking hurting me D:

Regardless. We had fun. The game was fun. So here I present you..

The Leicester netball team ready to take on Nottingham's Games!

And beat LSE! 

Dream high people, dream high. Any LSE peeps reading this, be proud of your netball team yo! They play like perghhhhh

On another note, half of the girls in the pictures are Bruneians. So no, we don't have that many players in our team. Heheh.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

LASIK at Prince Court Medical Centre - The day I decided I have had enough of glasses and contact lens.

My fingers are itching to write but there's nothing big going on at the moment and I don't want to bore you with how happy (or sad) I am now, so I thought I'll just share my experience on LASIK I had last Ramadhan. Had it done in Ramadhan for the keberkatan mashaAllah - okay that was a bluff - I just didn't have time to do it at other times.

I had it done at Prince Court Medical Centre under Prof Muhaya. And I'm sure if you google up LASIK Prof Muhaya or the likes, hundreds of results will appear. So this is not really a comprehensive information or guide or whatsoever, just documenting it for the sake of my kids and grandkids, who knows if one day they'll need it for reference of my medical history (?)

I'll break this post into three part.
Part I - Eye assessment
Part II - LASIK surgery
Part III - Follow up

Please also note that I'll try to give the date as accurate as possible since I forget things easily during the summer. Meeehhh

Pre part I - Appointment set up (not too important but I just thought I'd share)

12/07/13  - Called Prince Court Eye Clinic to see if there was any sessions that I could squeeze in for an eye assessment for LASIK in the nearest time. Initially I was given 17/07/13 for an eye assessment and if everything went well, the surgery would be on the next day. But I wasn't sure if flying off to Miri  immediately on the day after surgery would be a good idea. Also I needed to be off contact lens for at least ten days and again, I couldn't be too sure about that. So we set for another date after I came back from Miri, on 25/07/13 for the assessment.

I was honestly quite surprised on the availability of the dates. I didn't expect things to be as immediate as I was told. But then it was Ramadhan, and probably not many people choose to be under blade (LASIK is bladeless anyway hahaha) with an empty stomach. Blessings of Ramadhan, Alhamdulillah.

PART I - Eye assessment

25/07/13 - Went there with Adam (quite obviously). There were lllooooadss of tests that at some point I felt like a subject in some important research! My appointment was at 8.30am and we finished everything around 12pm. Consider me lucky. I met a person who had an appointment booked at 9am and she only finished at 3pm. The staff were extreeemeeelyy friendly and helpful, and I wouldn't say this for nothing. I was veeeeery impressed that I kept on mentioning it to Adam who I'm pretty sure at some point was getting annoyed by my mundane remarks hahaha! And of course, it helped to have a good companion to talk to (and argue with) throughout the whole thing because at some point, my pupils were dilated and I couldn't focus a thing. I was feeling groggy and had to rely on my other senses.

One thing that we discovered during the eye assessment was that my pupils were larger than average. That has been the reason why I keep seeing starbursts at night, especially from the headlights on the road. All this while I always put it down to my astigmatism, but apparently that wasn't the main cause. And apparently LASIK cannot cure it. At all. WOHA SURPRISE SURPRISEEE! I'm not sure if it's hereditary but my mom has the same problem and can't really drive at night. Anyway, after the full eye assessment, I was told that after the surgery I might see halos at night as well. To be very honest I was prepared for all that, especially with the starbursts thing since I've been living with it for all my life, though I secretly wish it would go away after surgery. But na'ahhh it won't.

So I agreed to have the surgery done on the next day. Which I will probably write soon, considering how lengthy it can be. 

Soon. Yeah, hopefully.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013


Ever heard of the word 'epiphany'?

e•piph•a•ny a moment of sudden revelation or insight. (Apple Dictionary)

I learnt this word somewhere during high school. It sounds like elephant with funny ears. Since then it became one of my favourite words to use when I talk to myself. Well, other than 'sort of' and 'kinda' and 'like' and 'well' and 'I guess'. I tend to use these words 437289 times in the same sentence. Probably that's the reason why I sound very American. Though I'm not too sure if Americans do speak that way. Well, I guess.

.. I'm digressing.

So last weekend in Belfast, I had this epiphany. Of how blessed I really am. How happy I really am.

I think the trigger was Tsara's picture of three of us on Instagram the night before, with a caption "Me so lucky." At that moment, I wasn't too sure who's the luckiest among us three. Adam, who has a wife and a sister that get along really well, Tsara, who has an annoyingly protective brother and a super cool sister in law, or myself, who has it all - everything one can ever ask from their in laws.

It occurs to me that because my MIL treats me as her kid, rather than her son's wife, I tend to treat Tsara as a sister, rather than a wife to her brother. Gosh I can't be more confusing can I? Thing is, when it comes to Tsara, my guard as a sister rises.

And let's not go into how guarded I really can be when it comes to Adam. 

The epiphany was something plain ordinary, paradoxically. It was simply pure, that when it hit me, I could only let out a sigh. A deep sigh, with Adam dozing peacefully right next to me. I was actually texting a friend in Malaysia for one good hour in bed, 'listening' to each other's stories, when the epiphany came.

The beautiful thing about that moment probably lied in the morning itself. I have always loved mornings, or rather, mornings in Belfast. It is that time when I get to stay in bed longer than I should and just enjoy the moment of tranquility and peacefulness, the calming sound of rain drops, the soft whispering breath from the person lying next to me.

I hardly do that in Leicester as I tend to be quite strict with myself in the mornings. The bed seems empty and cold and the last thing I want to do is wallow myself in the coccoon of sadness disguising itself as a fluffy double bed. So mornings usually means coffee, breakfast, and some revision. And obviously, the Internet.

So there goes - my epiphany the last time I remember it.

Ever had yours?

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Family is a very powerful thing to keep you going.

Something precious. Something priceless.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Raya portrait.

My family has never been serious when it comes to family pictures, even on Raya. Most of the times we're just too busy eating or texting or chatting with one another that formal family pictures will only happen when someone really insists. Remember the family picture I shared last time? Well yes, that's the only Raya picture that we have, despite everyone being colour-coordinated.

So this time for Raya Haji, I made a Facetime call to my family back in KL and be the one who insisted that we NEED TO HAVE A FAMILY PICTURE. Well guess what? Ummi was busy ironing Ayah's shirt in a hurry since she had a flight to catch to Miri later in the afternoon, Ayah was laughing at the fact that I didn't have my husband here for Raya (hmpphh!), Zahid was doing stuff (whatever it was), Syahirah was asleep, Afiq was busy nudging me to buy his futsal shoes, while Adam was showing off his new Hot Wheels track conveniently mounted to the wall.

Family picture? Ain't nobody got time for that.

But NO. I INSISTED. I was in my red kebaya and I decided that this time, we will have a family portrait for Raya. No one else was still wearing their baju Raya though (speaking of, this year's theme is still blue from the last Raya Aidilfitri, not surprisingly).

The house later became a chaos as Ayah carried the laptop around the house nudging everyone to dress properly aka wear tudung for the ladies. And when I say 'dress properly' for the gentlemen, they also meant something to cover their heads - helmets and cap. And kopiah for the old-fashioned Ayah.

It was hillarious. 

At the beginning of our 'photoshoot' - everyone was well behaved. Well, minus the helmets and cap, kinda. I couldn't do anything about it.

And this was when everyone just went crazy. It actually got crazier but I figure let's just keep the goofiness to the minimum, just in case we might scare potential new family members joining us soon.

This is what I got in my iPhoto library.

In the last photos of Ayah and Ummi pretending to be on a bike, it all happened pretty spontaneously. I was asking for a photo of just the two of them, when Zahid suddenly came in and put the helmets on their heads. Ayah then simply brought his arms forward like he was holding the bike handle and Ummi went on to grab him at the waist as if she was gonna fall off the bike. And look at the expression. It was hillarious!

I keep on looking at this picture and thought to myself. I mean, how can I not fall in love with these two people??!?!

Aaahhh too much cuteness.

Eid Mubarak people!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Northern downpour sends its love.

KL - Ipoh - Penang - Alor Setar
Road trip, June 2011

Tuesday, October 8, 2013


4 years.
48 months.
208 weeks.
1456 days.
34944 hours.

"With all those times
We sat and dreamed of life
Oh how the future it could be
The flawless drawings of beauty."

My Heart Will Wait, Joe Brooks

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

I can write a million reasons why you're my favourite.

I can write a million reasons why you're my favourite.

Like how you hold me tight in the morning in bed while your eyelids flutter
Refusing to wake up
Refusing to let me up
And we end up counting stars in our half-asleep world.

Like how you don't mind paying for everything when we are out
For you know how much I hate carrying my purse around
And we end up calculating how much do I owe you, everytime.

Like how you give me a doubtful look
And worry about what the figure would be
Everytime I say I want to jump on the next day plane
And we end up buying the tickets anyway
And you never refuse to have me. Never.

Like how you praise every single thing that I cook
Even if I cook them to my taste, and not yours
And you would say I make the best nasi lemak ever
Everytime, every single time, they are always better.

Like how you are such a blur when it comes to technology and gadgets
And I'll pretend to be an IT expert
And impress you with my humble knowledge on computer
And you would think I am your IT saviour.

Like how you try to get me into KPop
And fail miserably
Everytime, every single time
With the hope that I change my mind
When you know I won't. Ever.

Like how you do your own laundry and fold your own clothes
Because I choose not to learn how to do them in your way
And we end up folding our own clothes because we have our own preferences.

Like how you come to bed early despite not being sleepy
Because you know I hate going to bed on my own
And we end up tickling each other making stupid jokes for half an hour before finally falling asleep.

Like how you always want me to come with you
Always, al-freaking-ways
But still end up saying
"Tapi kalau awak rasa nanti awkward, takpelah, kita faham"
Because you know, being around people is not my best thing
And I end up not going.

Like how you ask for my opinions
When it comes to big decisions
Despite knowing that we love to challenge each other
And my words may not be in your favour
But still, you ask
Because it's the asking part that matters.

Like how you hold me tight when I cry out of frustration after an argument
And stay still, in silence
And put away all our differences
Because we know life is not just about rainbows and roses.

Like how your eyes sparkle when you talk about your ambitions
Though you know we might not share the same visions
Though you know I'll bring you back to the ground
But we'll end up settling for a meeting point.

Like how bright your face lights up
When you talk about Umi
When you describe her in every possible word you can find
And bring me into the family

Like how you refuse to talk about others
For the fear of mengumpat and fitnah
Though you know sometimes I just want to share stuff
Still you remind me
There are always three sides of a story.

Like how you are such a cheapskate
Because I am, too.

Like how you ask me not to cry
When all I do is cry
And laugh all the same
And you still call me beautiful
And still mean every word of it.

I can go on and write a million reasons why you're my favourite.

With one of them is you being you.

-- Happy 23rd, husband.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

How I define Friday night.

Remember how I said I tend to fall asleep in the middle of a movie here? Well I did it again. It's Friday night and I'm all eager for a solitary movie night (read: pathetic). I've watched two episodes How I Met Your Mother Season 9 earlier so I might as well watch another movie.

And to make things even more amusing, the movie is also Salt. Yes, talk about Angelina Jolie fan.

I caught the movie on TV CatchUp, an app on iPad that lets you watch TV for free. An iPad movie in bed? Yes please.

Only, yes, again, to fall asleep. Halfway through the movie.

Jolie in my bed

This time, though, I believe it's not my attention span of a goldfish. It's just my bedtime, and I am one little creature of habit, as cliche as it may seem. Staying awake past my bedtime is one thing that I really struggle with, although waking up later than usual is very much appreciated.

Last weekend was a hectic one. Spent my last four-day weekend by hopping on a plane to Belfast. And having said that, of course, we bought the next-day-flight as early as 6.45am. Came back last Tuesday, so technically I have only been here in Leicester four days at most, but my feet are already itching for another travelling plan. Imagine, one super hectic full of love weekend at one point, and a solitary Ben and Jerry's weekend at another. Hence the Angelina Jolie in my bed.

Speaking of, Tsara's here! And Adam has got his car so yaaay no more taxi trips back and forth to the airport! Except that, it is that car that we went for a McD drive thru one night with the housemates -- I am still deeply ashamed by it. My faith is easily shakened by food! Grr.


Pipi dah makin beso.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Same old tired lonely place.

This is going to be more of a ramble than a legit post.

I'm reaaaaaaally tired. Today started okay. We had some clinical examination practice in the morning which I already dreaded, but we had a very cool clinical demonstrator so it actually turned out pretty good. Then we had Neuro for the rest of the afternoon and that was when the horror really started.

Okay first, look, who run out their lecture up until 45 minutes? It was supposed to be for an hour but we had it for almost two hours! To make things worse, we were actually going through stuff that we already went through last week in our tutorial!!

Alright maybe I'm just tired and I make a big fuss out of this and it doesn't help that Neuro is not really something that I fancy (but then I don't fancy many things in Medicine so yeah). It's only Wednesday and I already thought I just had the worst day of the week.

But then tomorrow's another GP session so things can be worse, who knows D:

Here in Leicester, we start our day at about 2pm finishing at 5pm on most days. So whenever we have something in the morning, we would moan and make a big deal out of it. It's unfair because many other universities have their classes from 9am-5pm every day without fail. Call us ungrateful bunch of spoilt kids huh.

Worst of all, I can't download the iOS 7 for whatever reasons I AM SERIOUSLY GETTING THE 5S.

Oh well I'm hitting the bed early tonight (screw tomorrow's GP!) and hope that we don't get difficult patients. In my dreams, of course.


Saturday, September 14, 2013

Where is home, again?

The other day there's this family who came to Leicester to register the daughter at the uni. Back in Malaysia, they live in Bandar Tun Hussein Onn, Cheras. I'm no expert when it comes to locations and such. But Bandar Tun Hussein Onn sounds strangely familiar so I asked if it's the one with the Carrefour and Tutti Frutti and Mc Donalds (because they are the only ones that I know around the area, since we sometimes went to Tutti Frutti after tarawih last Ramadhan bahahah). Apparently I got the right place.

Me: Uncle, kat situ ada tasik kan?
Uncle: Haa ye lah tu. Kenapa, you tau area situ ke?
Me: Oh takde, my mom baru beli rumah kat situ. 

It's actually my mom in law. But sometimes I simply refer her as Umi or my mom to keep it simple. But then the awkward moment began..

Uncle: Really? Your mom beli rumah yang mana?
Me: The one yang baru siap tu. Yang empat tingkat tu, area apa tah. 
Uncle: That townhouse tu kan? I see. Ala uncle hari hari tengok area situ, our house facing the lake too. Haa lepas ni berjiran lah kita kan.
Me: (start gelabah) Eh aaaa berjiran. Aah. Hehee.
Uncle: So sekarang ni rumah kat mana?

So the awkward moment was finally there. When people ask where do I live it's almost a reflex action to reply with "Taman Melati". But now, which mom am I referring to?

Me: Err KL.. Eh tak, sekarang rumah dekat Seri Kembangan, area Mines.
Uncle: Eh bukan tadi cakap duduk KL ke? Haa takpelah, sekarang dah berjiran bla bla..

Gosh of course everyone knows Seri Kembangan is actually in Selangor! The thing is I'm not really from Selangor, and PV8 Taman Melati is obviously Kuala Lumpur.

It was even more awkward on my half (konflik dalaman) because earlier on that uncle was asking about my father as he's from Kedah. Of course I was telling him about my Ayah! (though actually my dad in law is from Kedah too haha) Small world huh.

I'm just glad that topic ended there, or else.. God knows how was I going to explain. Not that I didn't want to let them know that I'm married (sooner or later the daughter will find out anyway), I just feel that it's unnecessary given the situation. Also, it's always very amusing to see people's reaction when they find out themselves, really. (evil grin)

The familiar sight of home

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Medicinal movie.

Being the nerd me, I have always preferred reading as compared to watching movies. The attention span of a goldfish of mine tends to drive me asleep when I watch movies on laptop or sometimes even on TV. And just in case you're wondering, no, it never happened while in the cinema, except a few minor occasions of midnight movies. On a side note, you should probably know that I am good at sleeping at random places or events, even in the karaoke box, or in the LRT back in KL, while STANDING. Guess I just found something that I am good at, heh. 

Anyway, there was one time last summer when I really wanted to watch Salt because I haven't seen it in a while and why not, it was a good movie. Well at least I thought so. 

We caught the movie on HBO twice, which on both occasions, predictably, I fell asleep. I made a mental note and even told Adam at the beginning of the movie that I reeeeeally wanted to watch the whole movie! So much determination for something that you can download for free huh. But then.. I failed miserably by sleeping peacefully on the couch. As expected. I mean, seriouslyy??!?

But there's one thing that I would definitely go for a movie - clinical examinations. Never in a thousand years do I want to read them up.

Also, I have to shamelessly admit that this is my first time using the CD player on the MacBook Pro. Finally it came to a good use. Pfft.

Here's to a hiccupped four-day weekend!