Monday, November 25, 2013

OCD.

The other day my mom said this,

"I know how you work. Once you built a wall it's almost cannot be broken."

-- referring to my very strong preference/liking. My heart (my heart, not me) has an issue of letting things pass - from the simplest thing like: 

1. A very messy house and I'll keep on whining making a huge fuss out of it even if I no longer see it.
2. A pair of running shoes that doesn't match my gym bag.

To the more complicated things like:

1. Someone did something wrong to me once, I'll remember it forever. Yes, for-e-ver.
2. The dish sponge is not placed in the right way (or rather, my way) Fine la this one not so complicated.

Horrible I know. The other day someone asked why am I such a pink freak, considering almost everything I own is in pink - even my room is in shades of pink! I AM NOT A PINK FREAK. Just so happens that I own something in pink, I think it started with my black and pink Nike backpack, since then everything had to follow suit. And my room, well, I have this pink and purple carpet inherited by Kak Hana who's now safe and sound and successful in Malaysia as a doctor (Hi Kak Hana! *waves*). Since the carpet is already pinkish, I can't have a blue bed sheet can I? So the story of the pink stuff continues..

Why do you think my gadgets are all from Apple? MacBook, iPhone, iPad, iPod.. No it's not really the case of an Apple freak, I just want them to match! God knows how badly I want to get my hands on Samsung Note. But nooo I just can't bring myself to D:

Well if you feel this everything-has-to-match-attitude is annoying, imagine HOW I FEEL. There are times when I really feel like screaming to myself - ENOUGH WITH THE MATCHING OBSESSION I WANT TO BUY GREEN SHOES F--- OCD. Needless to say, nope I did not buy green shoes.

So recently I did an online OCD screening test, and guess what?


It's official - I MIGHT FREAKING HAVE OCD.
(Btw OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, just thought I'd say that)

Not fun.

Example questions (so that you can pass the OCD exam heheh)

1. Do you worry about accidentally hitting a pedestrian with your car or letting it roll down the hill?

Heck I don't drive that much, but when I do, I always have this idea of hitting someone. When someone's driving (and that would usually be Adam), I will always, I mean always ask him to hit anything that crosses the road (people, dog, etc). Sometimes I would even scream like "Why don't you hit him/her/it??!?" HORRIBLE I KNOW.

2. Are you concerned about physically harming a loved one, pushing a stranger in front of a bus, steering your car into oncoming traffic; inappropriate sexual contact; or poisoning dinner guests?

The ones highlighted are the ones that I think most. Considering I don't drive that much, then the former one is more applicable to me. If you walk with me, you'll notice that I don't walk too near at the edge of the sidewalk, out of fear of PUSHING SOMEONE INTO THE LANE AND BEING RUN OVER BY A VEHICLE. The same happens when I'm waiting for the pedestrian light to turn green, that fear is always there, hence me standing a bit further from the road.

Now that I say it, I'm pretty sure no one wants to walk with me anymore. I'm a serial pusher (?) Tsk :(

OCD can be a lot of things. For example, I have a friend with a self-diagnosed OCD (that's what we are, self-diagnosed, really, HAHA) whose obsession is cheking and re-checking that everything is in place, the tap is tightly closed, the light switch is off, etc. Me, not so much. My OCD tends to sway towards matching colours and things to be arranged in my way, even the simplest thing like the room door must be shut at all times, the hangers have to be in certain arrangements, the window blinds must be shut downward etc.

It doesn't help that I have very strong preferences and little things bother me. For example, I almost cannot walk on the floor barefoot. Not just here in UK because of the cold, but since I can remember. Even at home back in PV8 - I need to wear slippers in the house. And unpleasant smell bothers me. A lot. Like Adam once used this one detergent with a smell incompatible with my nostrils (haha), I refused to wear my clothes washed in that detergent and ended up wearing his instead. That also explains why I don't let Adam fold my clothes because they have to be folded in my own way. Yes WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

When we first got married, I had a massive internal issue with having Adam in the same room with me. All the time. Adjusting was difficult. Things like, "Bags are not supposed to be placed here, it should be there" and "Can you please put the hairbrush back to where you found it, please?" HAHA. That was then. Now I must say I am super thankful for having him tsk tsk (terharu). Apparently Adam has his own way of arranging his stuff too, just that he isn't bothered if they're not. Unlike me, I'd go on full blown stress-mode if my brain rejects how things are.

Think we're in the same shoes? Check here.


Here's to self-diagnosed OCD and pushing people in front of a bus! 

Okay. Tak.

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