Tuesday, December 22, 2009

absence makes the heart grows fonder.

i'm not sure why, but i love to talk about home.

rumah saya.

when people ask me, where i come from, i would explain from A-Z.

my mum is a kelantanese.
my dad comes from kedah.
me myself was born in selangor.
and zahid, too.
apparently syahirah, afiq and adam were born in pahang.
we have been living in terengganu for plus minus ten years.
but currently my family is living in myanmar.
while me, of course, in banting.

can i speak terengganu?
yes, obviously. but with my closest friends and cliques, only. i can't speak terengganu with strangers, not even to the hawkers or shopkeepers.
but i don't sound like it??
it's because my family never speak terengganu at home. it's just, prohibited. we speak standard language since kelantan, kedah and terengganu have obviously different accents. (and they are thick and hard to immitate, too)
what about kelantan and kedah?
a bit. i speak kelantan like a siamese, while kedah? broken one can lah.
final one, burmese?
that's a tough one. i know very very little burmese. like mingalabar = greetings.

so am i a terengganu-an?
no, i'm not. sorry, but i would absolutely deny that if people say so. we don't have anyone in terengganu. not a relative. my father has been working here, so this is where we live.

what happen during school breaks?
this is one of the most puzzling mind-breaking question. i spend my holidays everywhere, anywhere. my uncles' places around kl, mostly. during long holidays, (please note that LONG here means two weeks or more), i would go back to myanmar. but it's not that often, for the ticket fare is pretty expensive, i would say. i went back once last year, and again, once, during raya break this year.

so where is HOME?
i spend most of my time in kuala lumpur since i was little due to daddy's work. but i love to call our small little dwelling in paka, terengganu as home. although it's very hard for me to come back, this is, apparently, where i belong. not terengganu, but the house itself. it IS somewhat i call HOME. i grew up here. i had my early education here. i was teased for not being able to speak terengganu here, and i learnt their language, word by word, also, HERE. i may not miss terengganu when i am away, but i do miss the house- daddy named it Darul Sementara (it means that the world is only temporary, there will be an afterlife, and we, somehow, will have to leave it eventually)

i don't blame my friends if they hardly ask me to join any reunions or gatherings or whatsoever, for they themselves are not sure where would i be at that time. once, when my lower secondary school (SMKA Kuala Abang) held its grand reunion for our batch, i wasn't even informed! heartbroken? not so much of it. because as expected, i wasn't even in terengganu at that time. so i couldn't bother less.

back home, i only have these childhood friends with me. we were in the same primary school. nazihah, nazrin, aiman, and few more. but very very few. i met aiman during my last visit to terengganu (and that was like early this year) and nazihah, i can't remember. nazrin? i thought he moved to dungun already, didn't have the chance to see him, despite of his invitation for raya feast.

people come and go. in my life, it works that way. i entered a school, made friends, and eventually had to move on. find another friends. it's not my fault if my friends mostly come from terengganu, and not theirs too. for this reason, i rarely stick to one particular bunch of friends. because i know, distance would keep us apart. i love them, though. really really do. but somehow, life keeps on changing, and people will not stay the same.

i am proud of my alma-mater anyways.
5-6 yrs old: Tadika Al-Husna
7-12 yrs old: SK Seri Paka
13-15 yrs old: SMKA Kuala Abang
16-17 yrs old: SM Sains Dungun
(see, all of them are within one hour from HOME)

friends, forgive me i you feel that i'm making very little effort to re-connect or whatsoever. my lifestyle for the past nineteen years, with lots of moving here and there, has shaped me into who i am today. i can't stay, but deep down my heart, i still remember most of you, where we met, and everything.

and i DO treasure friendship.

i love you people:)

[entry ini sedikit sayu kerana penulis akan meninggalkan rumahnya di paka, terengganu dalam masa kurang dari 24 jam.penulis hanya sempat berada di rumahnya selama tiga hari setelah hampir setahun merantau di tempat orang dan tidak dapat menjangkakan bila lagi beliau akan dapat melihat rumahnya ini]

when fever, cough, sinus and asthma go on strike all at once.

i wonder why did i trust you in the first place.





maybe it's just your luck, i guess.

may God show you the light.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

For some good unknown reasons, I keep on playing "Yellow" by Coldplay all over again in my laptop. (yes, the once-so-cool-now-so-useless Samsung MP3 is not working)

Balik dari Jogja, macam3 hal jadi. Haihhh.

I regret for not spending ALL the Rupiahs in Jogja. For now they seem useless (or HOPELESS, I would say) back in Malaysia. They worth so little if converted into MYR, which explains why I still have Rupiah notes in my purse. And upon reaching Malaysia, unpacking my stuff and everything, I realized that all I bought are junks that I never needed, and the same goes to the people around me. You will all get junks from me. HARHARHAR. Okay, it's not funny. And I don't care.

I feel so emo-ish now. Running nose, run faster, RUN RUN!! (okay, silly). My eyes are blurry, tears keep coming out of nowhere. What a special relationship between the nose and the eyes. It's like, "You cry, I cry". Yeah, right. And the head is spinning round round round. Holy crap.

And I'm wondering myself, whatthehell am I doing, posting an entry with no point at all, and using all the the CAPITAL LETTERS where appropriate. Gila.

I'm so freaking frustrated devastated and all the ----ed words knowing that I don't get the call for interview from Newcastle University. Man, that is my first choice, dude! Sedih gila. Yeah, I know, there are lots of people out there who don't get it as well, but urgghhhh. I screwed my UKCAT, and I'm paying for it, now.

"It's a part of growing up."

"Just learn to accept it."

"Okay la, kalau dapat banyak3 offer, nanti susah nak pilih." (personal favourite)

"Cardiff in Ivy League KOT!"

"You already have two calls for interview, interview banyak3 nanti pening."

"Aku ingat kau tak pernah kisah uni mana, after all, since when kau minat medic ni??"

"Why do you want Newcastle so badly??"

The last one is just eye-opening.

It makes me feel like this.



You know which is which.

Oh yes, honey. We'll go to Belfast if that's what you want.