Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Perhaps Kesha is right. We Are Who We Are.

We are, who we think we are.

So here I am, proudly and selfishly declaring what I think of myself at the moment.

  1. Headstrong.
  2. Care too much of what others think.
  3. Full of pride and egoistic. I can let you win, but you can't prove me wrong.
  4. Ridiculously in love, which at times I think is very painful.
  5. Very protective of my friends.
  6. Secretive when I want to.
  7. Talk too much.
  8. Laugh too loud.
  9. Emotional.
  10. Pretty and cute and sometimes awfully annoying.
  11. Never watch what I eat.
  12. Not fat, but slimming down a bit would make me happy.
  13. Get jealous easily lepas tu emo sorang3.
  14. Highly independent.
  15. Have very high tolerance of emotional pain.
  16. Like to make worst assumptions.
  17. Attention seeker in so many wrong ways.
  18. Not into gossips.
  19. Good listener.
  20. Good story-teller also.
  21. Exaggerating.
  22. Very physical - skinship.
  23. At times too particular it annoys myself.
  24. Facebook / blog stalker.
  25. Full of excuses.
  26. Lazy. Just plain lazy.
  27. Foodmaniac.
  28. Think highly of myself. Self-centred.
  29. Super straightforward it scares others (and myself).
  30. Malas mandi lepas balik kerja.

Some of these, I really wish I could change. There are a lot more, but I think I need to go take shower, for a start.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Add me on Facebook. NOT.

Facts about me and Facebook at the moment.
  1. Since I started reactivating my account, I've 'Unfriend'-ed more than 20 people from my list and approved less than 10 friendship requests.
  2. I appreciate privacy. I don't simply reveal my Facebook name to just anyone.
  3. Assuming the same goes to my friends, that's why you can see the GardenBeforeHoes and Izleen without her last name there.
  4. Mr. GardenBeforeHoes if you feel you need some publicity, kindly let me know and I'll be more than happy to reveal your real Facebook name here.
  5. I'm in mutual love with Izleen. Yes, we mutually know it's MUTUAL. Not an iPod Touch can beat that.
  6. Yes, this is my real Facebook account after some screenshot editing.
  7. I've been vandalizing my friends' Walls with the Perak trip concerns. I WANT IT TO HAPPEN.
  8. With me back on Facebook, means I'm back as a stalker.
  9. I like stalking my friends' photos (esp the vacations) the most. And often found myself in awe.
  10. I've been wanting to add someone on Facebook, but still don't have the courage to. Chicken.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Fresh from Dublin.

Maka kadar Bella mencarut dan menunjukkan jari tengah dengan tidak semena3 terus meningkat secara mendadak.

Summer. 365 days a year. HERE.

An unexpected call from London.

So how's everything?
I'm all freaked out.
Man, you should be excited!
I am, but I'm more towards freaked out.
I've been through one of the toughest moments in my academic life, depression whatnot. Was in denial for quite some time, before finally have the courage to move on and accept whatever there is.
So what's not good about it?
After trying so hard, now I've grown to love my current life. This is my life. My comfort zone. I love the people here. I love what I'm doing right now. Now they're asking me to go through another change? After everything?
At least you've learnt. And you've grown stronger.
I have one freaking year to freaking picture what awaits me. Seeing my friends abroad, I'm not even sure I'm up for it. I'm loving it here! 
Look, not everyone gets a second chance. You're one of those lucky ones. Make use of it. You worked hard for this, remember?
I did. I'm just scared. I'll have to leave my circle, make new friends. With my current ones as somewhat my 'senior'. The awkward moment.
Trust me, there's no such thing as seniority here. You'll be fine. You'll get to hang out with them like you used to.
Everything will be so strange. It will be weird. Things change.
Why not, I'll pick you up at Heathrow, you can stay in London for few days, then I'll send you to Leicester. Or if you don't feel like it, we'll just head straight to Leicester and make yourself feel at home.

It's only May, but I'm already freaked out. Summer is here, KN will be home anytime soon. But do I really want to be there? 

Honestly I'm scared.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Review #1 Contact Lens for Astigmatism.

It was a mutual love. And it was so deep that our relationship lasted for more than two years. Funny when it all started when I unintentionally ditched G, you were there all along without me knowing, and thank God, I found you. Since then, I never looked back.

I might be young, but I know it was love. You were not so young, after all, but still, you gave it all to be with me. You guided my path when I couldn't find the way. You showed me the direction when I was lost. You were all that I needed. And we were inseparable.

My friends kept saying on how good we looked together. We were the perfect two. Yes, there were scandals and rumors and other parties trying to get into our way. But we remained strong. The bond we had between each other were just, amazing.

Nobody's perfect, and so were you. You hurt me. You made me cry. One minute you were the light to my world, next minute, you turned my world into total darkness. But there wasn't a second I wished you were gone, for I knew you're the best I never had. I was so glad I found you. We spent most of the hours in a day. You were the first thing I saw in the morning, and the last thing on my mind before I went to bed. Ah, good times.

But nothing last forever. I got tired of you. You and your selfishness. You made me cry more than you made me smile. No more bright face when I saw you, just tears streaming down the face. It was devastating for me to let you go. But someone had to do it, even half-heartedly. And that person was me.

I admit, all those times I thought you were irreplaceable. Damn, I was all wrong. I know my current relationship is still new, not even a month, but so far I've been surviving well without you.

I hope you're doing fine too.


Guess you're not so irreplaceable after all.
And he has the same qualities as you did. Sad much, no?
You might be born in Ireland, and though he's from Indonesia, that doesn't make you any better than him. Plus I hate distance, remember?

And he's smaller than you are. Smaller = cuter.

On a more serious note, here goes.

Recently I changed my contact lens from Bausch & Lomb SofLens Toric (alphafilcon A) to Ciba Vision Air Optix for Astigmatism. Yes, both are meant for those with abnormally high astigmatism. Mine is -2.25 for right eye and -1.75 for the left eye. And astigmatism means that all my lens have to be pre-order/custom made.

The main reason why I changed my lens was that I wear lens for long hours, and I think B&L couldn't handle that. At the end of the day, my eyes become so weary and itchy, and switching to glasses after removing them at night makes my vision like pening3.

After some research on the Internet, I found Air Optix, and I fell for the reviews (fake or not, who cares)

B&L SofLens Toric is waaaayyyy cheaper than Air Optix. I can get 7 pairs of B&L for RM190. But for this Air Optix, I have to fork out RM 180 for 4 pairs. And that's a lot of difference, huh?

Air Optix is significantly thinner than B&L. Beginners may find Air Optix quite hard to handle as it's very thin and often slips while handling. And removing the lens might be a bit tedious if they're not used to it. When your fingers are in contact with contact lens solution, removing the lens from your eyes might be a bit tricky since it's very slippery and you couldn't get the grasp of the lens easily. This happened few times to me, but after a bit of practice, you should be okay.

Not sure if it matters, but Air Optix is slightly a bit tinted than B&L. So it's quite obvious when you're wearing them since there's a hue of blue circle around your pupil.

Referring to the name itself, Air Optix claims to offer better long-hour wear, as well as more oxygen permeable. So it's 'highly breathable' and more comfortable. But honestly to me, I found them very comfortable only in the first few days. Could be to psychological effect, all contact lens wearers know that switching to a brand new pair of monthly contact lens is one of the best feelings in the world. Your eyes feel 'refreshed', or so they say. After that, Air Optix feels pretty much like B&L. Worst, lately the lens often slips off the pupil alignment in my right eye (what a weird way to explain it). So my right eye often becomes blurry. Perhaps it's because of the thinness, not so sure about that. Also, I'm using Renew Fresh lens solution, which obviously comes from Bausch & Lomb, the same manufacturer of the B&L SofLens. Perhaps it's not as compatible with Ciba Vision lens, but all this while I keep switching lens solutions brands they all work well for my B&L SofLens.
Renew Fresh lens solution by Bausch & Lomb

In short, so far I think Air Optix and B&L are more or less the same, if not, Air Optix wins with an extra 0.5 point for the 'breathable' part. Maybe due to my eyes, maybe I'm not sensitive enough to sense the 'breath' of the lens, but my vision still become blurry sometimes. And my eyes are still tired at the end of the day. Guess I should give my eyes more time to adapt and sense the permeability of Air Optix.

Semangat gila buat macam paid review segala bagai pfft.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

One shot at a time.

"Everyone has their own level of cuteness that they can handle. Yours is overdosed."

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Confession #006 Say NO.

I hate it when I can't say NO and just hang up. 
I hate it when I can't say NO to those who ask me out.
I hate it when I can't say NO to favors that I can't do.
I hate it when I can't say NO and finally give up.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Stress exam itu normel.

Seems like everyone is busy preparing (or sitting already also can) for the exam. Random Skype messages, random texts received at 10 am (3 in the morning there) meaning that they are all staying up late to study. Emotional freaky status on Skype (not even Facebook yet). Semua pun stress. I'm freaked out myself.

Down here is also in the mood of exam. IB. Final sem exam. In short, everyone is soaking their brain with as many facts as possible, preparing for the exam.

Kalau chat pun dah takde yang nak layan, semua pun sikit3, okay Bella, nak study.

Good luck. All the best. May Allah be with you guys always.

"Stress exam itu normel."

Yours truly,

Stress yang tidak normel, jadi beginilah.

And this is for my sayang in US who does online shopping to cope with stress :P IMY.