yesterday wasn't really a great day, after all. i couldn't get my math revision paper done, and chemistry was just a crap. whole lot of crap.
"nabilah, cakap taknak balik sebab nak study. apa ni??"
my mind was driven away by thoughts. and thoughts. and thoughts..
and last night, i did nothing but spent the night curling up in a ball in bed. do nothing. too lazy too move. too heartbroken to do anything.
i didn't even throw a birthday hug to my dearest friend next door.
"sorry nabilah, aku koyak:("
[apparently we have the same name]
it was my sister's birthday. a cousin called asking if i'm coming home for raya. my nenek is going to do a kenduri arwah for my greatgrandma. she's expecting everyone to be there. or at least a wakil from our family - which can only mean either me or my brother.
and i'm still HERE.
sy sangat homesick. yes, i thought i'm already prepared for this. well, my family has been away for almost a year by now..
but still, it's unbearable.
watching people leave, waving goodbye, hugs and kisses and raya wishes are just nonsense.
now i wonder why i chose to stay back, not following my uncle back to kelantan where there are good food, perfect scene of banjir, and most important - A FAMILY.
spent the whole morning downloading songs. received a good news to heal the heart.
but it didn't last long.
it's amazing how facebook has its own way to hurt people.
i wish i hadn't opened your profile.
i wish the conversation between me and my room mate this morning never happened.
i wish i didn't write on your wall.
i wish we never talked about this.
cuz a friend is hurt. by the bitter unnecessary truth.
and i'm torn in between.