Thursday, November 26, 2009

clouds of time seem to rain on innocence left behind.

truth hurts. no, it kills.

yesterday wasn't really a great day, after all. i couldn't get my math revision paper done, and chemistry was just a crap. whole lot of crap.

"nabilah, cakap taknak balik sebab nak study. apa ni??"

my mind was driven away by thoughts. and thoughts. and thoughts..

of HOME.

and last night, i did nothing but spent the night curling up in a ball in bed. do nothing. too lazy too move. too heartbroken to do anything.

i didn't even throw a birthday hug to my dearest friend next door.
"sorry nabilah, aku koyak:("

[apparently we have the same name]

it was my sister's birthday. a cousin called asking if i'm coming home for raya. my nenek is going to do a kenduri arwah for my greatgrandma. she's expecting everyone to be there. or at least a wakil from our family - which can only mean either me or my brother.

and i'm still HERE.

sy sangat homesick. yes, i thought i'm already prepared for this. well, my family has been away for almost a year by now..
but still, it's unbearable.
watching people leave, waving goodbye, hugs and kisses and raya wishes are just nonsense.
now i wonder why i chose to stay back, not following my uncle back to kelantan where there are good food, perfect scene of banjir, and most important - A FAMILY.

spent the whole morning downloading songs. received a good news to heal the heart.
but it didn't last long.

it's amazing how facebook has its own way to hurt people.

i wish i hadn't opened your profile.
i wish the conversation between me and my room mate this morning never happened.
i wish i didn't write on your wall.
i wish we never talked about this.

cuz a friend is hurt. by the bitter unnecessary truth.

and i'm torn in between.

"can you stay strong
can you go on
Kristy are you doing okay
a rose that wont bloom
winters kept you
don't waste your whole life trying to get back what was taken away."

the offsprings; kristy are you doing okay


1 comment: