Tuesday, December 22, 2009

absence makes the heart grows fonder.

i'm not sure why, but i love to talk about home.

rumah saya.

when people ask me, where i come from, i would explain from A-Z.

my mum is a kelantanese.
my dad comes from kedah.
me myself was born in selangor.
and zahid, too.
apparently syahirah, afiq and adam were born in pahang.
we have been living in terengganu for plus minus ten years.
but currently my family is living in myanmar.
while me, of course, in banting.

can i speak terengganu?
yes, obviously. but with my closest friends and cliques, only. i can't speak terengganu with strangers, not even to the hawkers or shopkeepers.
but i don't sound like it??
it's because my family never speak terengganu at home. it's just, prohibited. we speak standard language since kelantan, kedah and terengganu have obviously different accents. (and they are thick and hard to immitate, too)
what about kelantan and kedah?
a bit. i speak kelantan like a siamese, while kedah? broken one can lah.
final one, burmese?
that's a tough one. i know very very little burmese. like mingalabar = greetings.

so am i a terengganu-an?
no, i'm not. sorry, but i would absolutely deny that if people say so. we don't have anyone in terengganu. not a relative. my father has been working here, so this is where we live.

what happen during school breaks?
this is one of the most puzzling mind-breaking question. i spend my holidays everywhere, anywhere. my uncles' places around kl, mostly. during long holidays, (please note that LONG here means two weeks or more), i would go back to myanmar. but it's not that often, for the ticket fare is pretty expensive, i would say. i went back once last year, and again, once, during raya break this year.

so where is HOME?
i spend most of my time in kuala lumpur since i was little due to daddy's work. but i love to call our small little dwelling in paka, terengganu as home. although it's very hard for me to come back, this is, apparently, where i belong. not terengganu, but the house itself. it IS somewhat i call HOME. i grew up here. i had my early education here. i was teased for not being able to speak terengganu here, and i learnt their language, word by word, also, HERE. i may not miss terengganu when i am away, but i do miss the house- daddy named it Darul Sementara (it means that the world is only temporary, there will be an afterlife, and we, somehow, will have to leave it eventually)

i don't blame my friends if they hardly ask me to join any reunions or gatherings or whatsoever, for they themselves are not sure where would i be at that time. once, when my lower secondary school (SMKA Kuala Abang) held its grand reunion for our batch, i wasn't even informed! heartbroken? not so much of it. because as expected, i wasn't even in terengganu at that time. so i couldn't bother less.

back home, i only have these childhood friends with me. we were in the same primary school. nazihah, nazrin, aiman, and few more. but very very few. i met aiman during my last visit to terengganu (and that was like early this year) and nazihah, i can't remember. nazrin? i thought he moved to dungun already, didn't have the chance to see him, despite of his invitation for raya feast.

people come and go. in my life, it works that way. i entered a school, made friends, and eventually had to move on. find another friends. it's not my fault if my friends mostly come from terengganu, and not theirs too. for this reason, i rarely stick to one particular bunch of friends. because i know, distance would keep us apart. i love them, though. really really do. but somehow, life keeps on changing, and people will not stay the same.

i am proud of my alma-mater anyways.
5-6 yrs old: Tadika Al-Husna
7-12 yrs old: SK Seri Paka
13-15 yrs old: SMKA Kuala Abang
16-17 yrs old: SM Sains Dungun
(see, all of them are within one hour from HOME)

friends, forgive me i you feel that i'm making very little effort to re-connect or whatsoever. my lifestyle for the past nineteen years, with lots of moving here and there, has shaped me into who i am today. i can't stay, but deep down my heart, i still remember most of you, where we met, and everything.

and i DO treasure friendship.

i love you people:)

[entry ini sedikit sayu kerana penulis akan meninggalkan rumahnya di paka, terengganu dalam masa kurang dari 24 jam.penulis hanya sempat berada di rumahnya selama tiga hari setelah hampir setahun merantau di tempat orang dan tidak dapat menjangkakan bila lagi beliau akan dapat melihat rumahnya ini]

when fever, cough, sinus and asthma go on strike all at once.

i wonder why did i trust you in the first place.





maybe it's just your luck, i guess.

may God show you the light.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

For some good unknown reasons, I keep on playing "Yellow" by Coldplay all over again in my laptop. (yes, the once-so-cool-now-so-useless Samsung MP3 is not working)

Balik dari Jogja, macam3 hal jadi. Haihhh.

I regret for not spending ALL the Rupiahs in Jogja. For now they seem useless (or HOPELESS, I would say) back in Malaysia. They worth so little if converted into MYR, which explains why I still have Rupiah notes in my purse. And upon reaching Malaysia, unpacking my stuff and everything, I realized that all I bought are junks that I never needed, and the same goes to the people around me. You will all get junks from me. HARHARHAR. Okay, it's not funny. And I don't care.

I feel so emo-ish now. Running nose, run faster, RUN RUN!! (okay, silly). My eyes are blurry, tears keep coming out of nowhere. What a special relationship between the nose and the eyes. It's like, "You cry, I cry". Yeah, right. And the head is spinning round round round. Holy crap.

And I'm wondering myself, whatthehell am I doing, posting an entry with no point at all, and using all the the CAPITAL LETTERS where appropriate. Gila.

I'm so freaking frustrated devastated and all the ----ed words knowing that I don't get the call for interview from Newcastle University. Man, that is my first choice, dude! Sedih gila. Yeah, I know, there are lots of people out there who don't get it as well, but urgghhhh. I screwed my UKCAT, and I'm paying for it, now.

"It's a part of growing up."

"Just learn to accept it."

"Okay la, kalau dapat banyak3 offer, nanti susah nak pilih." (personal favourite)

"Cardiff in Ivy League KOT!"

"You already have two calls for interview, interview banyak3 nanti pening."

"Aku ingat kau tak pernah kisah uni mana, after all, since when kau minat medic ni??"

"Why do you want Newcastle so badly??"

The last one is just eye-opening.

It makes me feel like this.



You know which is which.

Oh yes, honey. We'll go to Belfast if that's what you want.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

clouds of time seem to rain on innocence left behind.

truth hurts. no, it kills.

yesterday wasn't really a great day, after all. i couldn't get my math revision paper done, and chemistry was just a crap. whole lot of crap.

"nabilah, cakap taknak balik sebab nak study. apa ni??"

my mind was driven away by thoughts. and thoughts. and thoughts..

of HOME.

and last night, i did nothing but spent the night curling up in a ball in bed. do nothing. too lazy too move. too heartbroken to do anything.

i didn't even throw a birthday hug to my dearest friend next door.
"sorry nabilah, aku koyak:("

[apparently we have the same name]

it was my sister's birthday. a cousin called asking if i'm coming home for raya. my nenek is going to do a kenduri arwah for my greatgrandma. she's expecting everyone to be there. or at least a wakil from our family - which can only mean either me or my brother.

and i'm still HERE.

sy sangat homesick. yes, i thought i'm already prepared for this. well, my family has been away for almost a year by now..
but still, it's unbearable.
watching people leave, waving goodbye, hugs and kisses and raya wishes are just nonsense.
now i wonder why i chose to stay back, not following my uncle back to kelantan where there are good food, perfect scene of banjir, and most important - A FAMILY.

spent the whole morning downloading songs. received a good news to heal the heart.
but it didn't last long.

it's amazing how facebook has its own way to hurt people.

i wish i hadn't opened your profile.
i wish the conversation between me and my room mate this morning never happened.
i wish i didn't write on your wall.
i wish we never talked about this.

cuz a friend is hurt. by the bitter unnecessary truth.

and i'm torn in between.

"can you stay strong
can you go on
Kristy are you doing okay
a rose that wont bloom
winters kept you
don't waste your whole life trying to get back what was taken away."

the offsprings; kristy are you doing okay

TAKNAK BALIK SEBAB NAK STUDY.bullshit.at least for me:(

Saturday, November 14, 2009

first cut is the deepest.

yes, IB sucks. it drains your energy, makes you feel as if 24 hours will never be enough. too many things to do, too little time. the academics, the non-academics, the gossips, the talks, the outside fun you'd miss, EVERYTHING. but i have given it a second thought. no, IB isn't that bad. at least not in the 1st semester. somehow i still have a vivid photographic (or videographic?) memory of these people, on how we 1st met, or encounter, or even the most significant event on our earlier days at KMB. (back then life was surprisingly organized, minus the small E21* room i have to bear with until now)

1. pija aka roommate
  • we 1st met during the MARA interview at unikl, ours was on thursday, sometime in the afternoon, i guess. i think she was wearing orange. and her bubbliness was the first thing that caught my eyes (and ears, of course). we were interviewed by the same panel, she went 1st before me. before we went off our separate ways after the interview, we were joking about starbucks and blah blah. never in touch after that. but tadaaa!! she's my roomate today. cute:)
  • most significant -- she was one super duper cute adorable bubbly girl that made me feel like (aaa???) in her own way.
2. nabilah and echuq (neighbours)
  • 1st week at KMB. orientation week. kembara kolej or whatever you call it. led by fathul. we were in the same group. (those who couldn't actually remember which group they were in because they lost their group number, i was one of them, OBVIOUSLY) had some chat at the walkway heading to DS, and found out that we were actually living next door to each other!
  • most significant -- they both said that i look like sharifah amani (haha:DD)
3. AD aka classmate
  • the third floor, near M08C (sem 1 class) when everyone was busy doing the so-called gotong royong. had a good time laughing our hearts out (when we barely knew each other). share the same thing in common- we both have been living in terengganu, but parents come from different places, and we ourselves were born in different states.
  • most significant -- her warm big heartily laugh and smile. she captures everyone with that.
4. DJ aka classmate
  • in the hall, during ceramah. (back then, year 1 had to listen to the ceramah in the main hall). saw her using HK notebook. asked if she went to 2007 HK in SMS kota tinggi, and her answer was yes. surprisingly, she remembers me as a girl from SMSD, asking her if she knew anyone from SSP (on behalf of sir jimmy david). woaahhh. we end up as classmates!
  • most significant -- her HK notebook, the fact that she's a dear friend of sirjimmydavid, and her remarkably tall figure.

5. aisyah johari aka AJ
  • surau. ceramah, i guess. we were sitting at the back of the surau. i thought there were nazi, and rifhan (for some unknown reasons i remember this). langkawi people KOT:PP
  • most significant -- her sparkling PINK sony ericsson Z610i that remind me of my BFF, yana back in high school.
6. teacher ima (chemistry teacher)
  • i was late for her chemistry class, for i thought the class would start later than it should be. aha, i was wrong. thought i gave her a super baaad first impression. but she was fine, nope, she was COOL, actually. i think my unpunctuality caused her to remember my name:PP
  • most significant -- she called me B, for once she had a student named nabilah, and that's what she used to call her. for some reasons, she would never pronounce my name as BELLA. it's either B, or BIELA. an awesomely super duper sweeeeeeeeet teacher.
7. afiqah aminuddin (wow, full name!:PP)
  • we met somewhere near the blok E restrooms. apparently we had one thing in common- we knew the same person in our past. (haha sounds very3 fishy) had a looooo0o0ong chat about that someone. other than that, there was nothing much, i guess.
  • most significant -- yes, that SOMEONE:PP
i still remember how i first met (or my first impression) of a bunch of friends. like naqi was wearing a black shirt during orientation, afiq and i was fighting whether PDK kajang kids can actually eat sweets, KI (khalidah izzaty) is one superbly adorable girl camwhoring with me in the hall during orientation, a friend actually showed me who mubin was (because she liked him a lot THAT TIME) when he passed us by in front of LT1, aiman a kisas boy who happened to be my classmate and PDK-mate, izleen one sweet girl who made cute expressions when she passed by our class, and lotsie lotsie stuffy that i found it amazing when i look back in time.

"time really has it's way of changing one's life."

[pardon me for my english. anyone can tell it sucks]

so you talk s h i t .

and you think

i can't ???

stitch yourself. we don't do TAYLORing at KMB.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

a year passed, and you're still the same, dear:)

BestestFreakingFriend : yana

LongLostFriend : ceca

i miss KLIA already:)

Friday, October 9, 2009

stories to share, secrets to spill.

this week has been one of the most exciting week eversince i started risking my life by accepting the kmb offer. everything was beautiful. almost perfect. minus the fact that i haven't finished my IA, the rest was awesome. splendid. i have never been THIS happy [or bahagia] for quite some time. [asyik emo3 and koyak je, bile nak gumbira kan??] :)

had my UKCAT on monday. result? oh oh don't ask. memang kelam kabut. i was panicking to death the moment i started clicking "OK". it felt as if the clock had stopped ticking, all i could hear was the click sound of the mouse. there were four of us in that small freezing cold room. the atmosphere was tense. the air was thick, i could barely breathe. [dah macam cerita hantu!] haha but thank god, everything went well. been stalking a perdana, got stuck in a traffic jam, arrived late, had a quick breakfast at mamak, and wooshh tadaa! ukcat!! haha the rest of the day was terrific. been here and there, penat beyond words. almost involved in an accident. lost in petaling jaya sekejap. had koyak3 moment some more, but koyak for a DAMN good reason, so okay laa. kerinduan terhadap encik teppanyaki terubat, finally. and after years of nandos, i eventually had kenny rogers for dinner. awesome. monday was never that PERFECT:)

nothing much. math quiz on differential equations the first thing in the morning. chemistry lab- eksperimen celup3. statistics- takfaham since i was absent on monday. tuesday blues a bit [sebab weekend panjang sangat]

the highlight of the week. kmb had its raya celebration, colourful. who knows there's a feast going on in the middle of palm oil estate?? haha sorry, but the food couldn't sucks less. eiiyewwww. barely finish ANY of them. muaz had a good voice, though. boleh laa:) an incident with a bunch of juniors sitting behind me in the hall could be the joke of the day. hahaha pictures everywhere. camwhoring. took a picture [two actually] with amethyst yg sangat comel:PP had fun, HELL lots of fun. love my classymates!! and you, and her, and everyone, too:)

in rush, tak sempat pun change into something more casual. so berangkatlah sepasukan kmbian in their raya dress to KLIA. sending off MSU students to bangalore, india. BYE3 AZIE..!! we shall miss you here!! heheee but the bestest most awesomest part was... i finally get to meet YANA!! my oh my, it was like a dream, never wanted to wake up from it. after about one year++, we finally jumpa lagi!! typical bella and yana, camwhoring tengah3 KLIA. [credit to mami and nadz:] met ceyca: sweet old friend from sbpi temerloh, we knew each other during perfect score camp at sester 07. tired like pfft. but takyah cakap la. wednesday was a BLAST!

chem test. aaaa horror! [ i always hate tests and quizzes and yg sewaktu dgnnya] *sigh* laptop crash, or hang kejap kott. merajuk la tu. huhu in the evening, statistics consultation with teacher arni. listened to her story about someone, so true:PP they said stats IRP was damn susah nak mati. i didn't do it, so taktauu. but eventually kne buat jugakk. *sigh lagi*
that night sangatlah comel. beautiful, but weird. two biggest secrets of all time were finally spilled. no, they aren't secrets, just stories. true stories:) had my EE left hanging because someone was in the air, feet not touching the ground. haha crap. english deteriorating. *sigh lagi lagi* thursday---perasaan macam budak darjah 3:PP [baby sheep comel:]

finallyy, submitted my EE 1st draft!! well, not really first draft pon, just the introduction blah blah.. but at least got something, okay what?? hehee still in the air. kesian izleen, penat melayan. [berkat jumaat kott:] up until now, im still very much bahagiaaaaaaa ~~ penat la asyik nak koyak3 je:)


oh, i can foresee the darkness ahead- IA punye pasal.

_layan sy bahagia kejap, okay? ala, bukan selalu pun:)

Friday, October 2, 2009

it's not that he's a jerk, he just doesn't like you.

i'm on the phone and my bestfriend he's upset
you're going off about something that makes him sad
cuz you didn't get his humor like i do

he's out in town on a typical saturday night
you couldn't guess where cuz he's out of your sight
cuz you didn't know his story like i do

he wears sweatshirt you say he's nerd
he won't open up when you wish he shares his secrets
dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
he's asking you out well honey please stop trying

if you could see that he's not the one who wants you
never there not even once so why can't you see
you don't belong with him

walking the mall with you and your gucci
i cannot help thinking this is how it ought to be
laughing at my place thinking to myself
hey this cannot be it

and you've got shoes that can alert everyone around
i haven't heard it in a while since you switched to pumps
you say you're fine i know you better than that
i feel sorry for you have to wait like that

he drinks coffee you would prefer chocolate
he won't open up when you wish he shares his secrets
dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
he's asking you out well honey please stop trying

if you could see that he's not the one who wants you
never there not even once so why can't you see
you don't belong with him

standing by and waiting at the back door
all this time how could you not know baby
you don't belong with him

i remember you trying very hard just to make everything right
he's the one who makes you cry when you wish that he just die
i know your favourite brands and you make it very clear
that i cannot afford them but do you think he gives a damn . .

[ you don't belong with him - but i didn't say i do ]

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Monday, September 7, 2009

what's with the SASQUATCH.?

googled it, but only found something to do with bigfoot.

Bigfoot, also known asSasquatch, is an alleged ape-like creature purportedly inhabiting forests, mainly in thePacific Northwest region ofNorth America. Bigfoot is usually described as a large, hairy, bipedal humanoid.
-taken from wikipedia-

and this.



Sunday, September 6, 2009

endure the pain and let go.

cancelled myspace account few seconds ago.

wanted to do the same for friendster, but for some reasons, managed to hold back.
still have good worthy friends on fs.

still on facebook.

damn IB.
i mean it.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

i hereby, declare that i devote my life for others, be it my family, friends, or even International Baccalaureate.

and that explains why i have no life.

a mayonnaise jar di bulan puasa.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class

And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again
If the jar was full... They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand

And poured it into the jar.. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
With an un ani mous 'yes.'

The professor then produced Two cups of coffee from under the table
And poured the entire contents Into the jar, effectively
Filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, As the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life..
The golf balls are the important things - God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions –

Things that if everything else was lost

And only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter Like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --
The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life..

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are
Important to you.


Pay attention to the things That are critical to your happiness.
Playwith your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time
To clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand
And inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

i seriously feel like giving up.

i thought the ultimate invention of the GodDamnCalculator is scary enough.

but now Geometer's Sketchpad freaks me out even more.

and there is no way i will try GeoGebra.

M A T H E M A N I A C . !

Sunday, August 23, 2009

the sweet taste of 2nd wife kurma [heavily influenced by classmates]

di-tag .soalan sikit ,maka saya dengan bangganya menjawab .
[tp sory la atiq ,lambat..]

1.nama timangan anda


2.anda seorang yang..
menentang poligami, tetapi menyokong tindakan merampas suami orang seperti yang dilakukan oleh waheeda baru-baru ini . (ha ?)

3.insan yang teristimewa
suami ( yang bakal dirampas dalam masa sekurang3nya 5 tahun lagi .)

4.lagu kesukaan
wassini (sebab waheeda idola sekarang :))

5.makanan kegemaran
kurma yg sedap rasa macam bini nombor 2 (sponsored by farah ,supported by edy)

6.warna kesukaan
putih (echuq sangat yakin dengan jawapan ini)

7.benda yang ada dalam beg
bagpack ?maths file dan portfolio sekali. (haram nak buat)

8.kali terakhir anda menangis
it's none of your business .humphh .

9.sikap yang membuat anda stress
demanding .hempuk karang ,baru tau !

10.tag 6 rakan anda

sekian ,harap makngah .

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

oh sweetheart.

sy taknak emo lagi.
sy rasa lately emosi sy sangatlah tidak terkawal.
sy menangis banyak3 kali.
lepas tu gelak macam takde masalah [padahal..]

bila sy emo,
post blog merepek3.
comment blog orang pon merepek3. [uhuk3]
lepas tu cari pasal dengan orang.
buat orang marah.
homework pon tak siap.
sebab tak bolehh fikir betul3.

bile sy emo jugak,
sy jadi sakit.
sakit emosi, sakit jasmani.
pendek kata, memang sakitlah.
dah dua hari tak pergi kelas.
sebab sakit yg tak sepatutnya..

emo jugak buat sy suka makan.
makan mengarut3.
n jadi coffee addict tahap kritikal.
sampai kena marah dengan KN.
lepas tu buli orang suruh belanja nasik tom yam kat kfc.

apa ni bella.?

sy taknak emo lagi dah.

sy cuma nak jumpa ayah, sementara ayah masih di KL.

tenanglah wahai hati..

friends, i'm so sorry if i have been acting weirdly [that inclused annoyingly] towards you guys these days; especially to my dearest classmates. i just need some time to pull myself together..

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

rearrange OKKAY. u'll get a KOYAK.

[baru lepas bc entry al-ikhsan mengatakan beliau emo. so sy pun nak emo jugak]

apparently hari ni bukanlah antara hari3 terbaik sy di kmbott.

had a math quiz. supposed to be at 7.30am. but due to permintaan ramai, postponed to 4.30pm. did it help.? no. zero. thanks. takmengubahape3kenyataanpon. boley kire ngan jari bape soalan yg boley jawab. [memangla, soalan sume pon ade 10 je.haish]

esok mock interview. oh sgt shitty. chuak. jgn tanya medical terms and issues, boleytakk.? i dont have answers for that. in fact, i don't even care?? benci. benci. benci. for the first time ever in my whole life, i'm starting t o hate interviews, ye, perasaan mahu mencarut sangat tinggi.

since esok mock, marilah kita bersama3 meng-on9-kan diri mencari articles tentang medicine. apparently setelah bepuluhjutaratusribu kali mencuba, barulah boley on9. itupun slowlembapbengapcamsiputbabi-siputponlagilaju.

dah boley on9 uh, mengada3 bukak fb. pergh,mencari maut. terbaca sesuatu yang sangatamatlahmenyakitkanhati dan meruntunperasaanjiwaragabasket. adeyh, terus logout fb. taktahan.KOYAK. sumpah koyakRABAK. [sy emo]

card reader tak boley baca memory card. buduh. lau dah tak reti sangat nak baca memory card uh, tak payah la jadi cardREADER. balik sekolah dulu, belajar mengeja. tu la, suruh pegi sekolah banting taknak. degil. kan dah kena.

sy betul3 koyak, terutamanya sebab fb uh, dan mock interview esok. marilah sama3 berdoa agar pacik3 interviewer tidak bertanyakan mengenai factual medical stuff.





Saturday, August 1, 2009

everyone's a mask rider.

dalam bas. heading to kuantan. mahu balik rumah dan menjeleskan org3 di kmb.
[dah 2nd time pegi pudu sorang3, so dah xboleh nak brag dlm blog:p]

(the phone was on silent)

1 message received.

from: ****
message: kmb cuti sminggu! haha!

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

no, i'm not happy with that.

mana boleh cuti sekarang??

my family is going back this sunday.. and me??

i'm going to be officially HOMELESS.

2 week stay at maya,

dan sekarang baru nak cuti????

IA pun dah hantar.

sleepless nights, and only now we are having break??

and for god sake, i'm having fever right now.


i'm pissed off. i really am.

[ada siapa3 nak bagi sy menumpang di rumah mereka???]

Monday, July 27, 2009

the wedding.

the couple.

the bestfriends.

the seremban R&R (...)

we owe you big, ezreen. thanks a zillion:)

Monday, July 20, 2009

everyone's dying.

last sunday, my parents and i had an open talk about me.

how i don't want to do medicine.
how i hate biology since i was form three.
how i dread all those people in white uniforms.
how i despise those bitter pills and flush them down the toilet whenever i have the chance to.


how i end up doing IB at kolej mara banting, doing preparation for medicine.

oh i really hate the M-word.

it is not like we never had an open talk before, but this time i really could not take it. i'm freaked out. i'm afraid i would be a university drop out one day. i'm scared that i might fail my interview just because i couldn't answer the evil-est question;


i really have no answer for that. should i just open up and say, "my parents want me to be a doctor. the make me do this" ? hell no. one year passed, and i still don't have a thing for medicine. in fact, i still hate biology!

finally dad said, "if you want to quit, you can just quit now. we do want you to be a doctor, but if you think you cannot make it, then what's the point of continuing. but you have to consider everything. you won't get any scholarship. and everything you do, the risk is yours."

but mom still wants me to be a doctor.
"we've been saving money for you, for your future hospital."

i really hate this conversation. it brings me nowhere. i'm torn. i do want to make them happy, but i cannot risk my whole life for something that i'm not even sure of.

this evening, i received a text message from mom.

"take care, don't forget to take your medications. dad is very much concerned about our discussion last week. but just to let you know, i'm willing to stay with you wherever you are in your final year, if that's what you need. even if that means leaving my family behind."

i AM your family. we ARE family, mom.

and family sticks together.

i WILL be a doctor. or at least, get a medical degree.
there is no such thing as turning points in life, let alone MY life.