Thursday, April 16, 2015


My current life in a single picture.

Of all the chores, laundry is the one that gets me most. I can dread doing the laundry so much that I cry while doing it. Gaya Cinderella kena paksa buat laundry by mak tiri.

Also, anything to do with packing. Hence the suitcase and 2 overnight bags lying around, secretly hoping someday they'll unpack themselves. Funny how my life revolves around traveling, packing and unpacking, and I still can't get my head around it.

Or actually, I'm just lazy. And a little bit sad. That's all.

Good news is, I'm back in Leicester for the next 7 weeks! And it's always nicer to be sad in my own room.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Long way home.

That darn price, I know. 

Heavy sigh.

And the meticulous planner in me calculated that total journey from Leicester would cost around £650. From LEICESTER, not London nor Paris. For a peak summer British Airways flight. It's pretty much a 'direct' flight since most of the journey consists of London - Kuala Lumpur leg. And I can always get off at London Heathrow on the return journey without completing the second leg back to Paris. So that's a true direct flight. For £650 on British Airways. No brainer, hey?

Average peak summer flight is around £800 for the flights alone, not including travelling to and from the airport. And we're talking about transits, the usual airlines - Emirates, Etihad and the likes.

£650 all in for a 'direct' flight back home. British Airways. In summer time. Peak summer.

I did not, though.

Spent nearly 3 hours looking into this - flights, different airports, other options, cheapest travel plans, you name it. And eventually decided against it.

I know I just need something to look forward to just to keep me going, and the last 3 years have proven that a flight ticket home is a powerful motivator. It's a darn good reason to get one. Something to look forward to. Something to hold on to.

Still, I did not. 

I'm better than a sad potato relying on a flight ticket home to keep going.

"Sometimes we have to put our happiness aside to make others happy
- it's called sacrifice." - AM

Monday, April 13, 2015

And the worldly life is not but amusement and diversion;

“It’s easy to minimize a person’s hurt without understanding the nature of pain. People often like to categorize how much a person should or shouldn’t hurt about things. For example, when someone is upset about something, they say, “At least you’re not paralyzed, or starving in Africa.” While it’s imperative to be grateful for what we have, I think people often mistaken the nature of pain, when they ‘categorize’ in this way. The criteria for how much something hurts is not dependent on the thing itself. It is dependent on 2 things:
1. The strength of the attachment.
2. The level of Divine help.

Therefore to minimize the devastation of pain:
1. Don’t be attached to (dependent on) temporary things.
2. Seek Divine help.

And don’t assign judgement for people’s pain.” 

 And the worldly life is not but amusement and diversion; but the home of the Hereafter is best for those who fear Allah, so will you not reason? [Al-An'am 6:32]

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Hashtag AdamBella.

I was going through Adam's PC aimlessly when I found this. 

Our wedding pictures bahahaha I'm always very reluctant to look at our wedding pictures because of how I look in heavy makeups. Don't get me wrong I really love the look, just that sometimes, I think it didn't feel like me at all! Like, siapa kau?!?? Pfft. Dramatic.

Also, I know I wore a poker face during actual nikah. Like eveerryone said that. Muka serius gila macam nak cari gaduh. Takde perasaan habis. Like this.

By this time dah ada perasaan sikit..

Although in my defence, my poker face was only captured when I wasn't looking. Deep in thought katanya. 

Contohnya, kalau pose untuk camera gua senyum okay. See??!?

Anyways, compared to this guy..

Amboi abang seronok la tu nak kawen

Haa kan manis senyum macamtu. At least ada la jugak hint senyum malu malu sikit. Ini future wife muka ketat habis tekanan apakah, siapa yang kena lafaz akad sebenarnya? Kahkah

Paling epic, muka yang ni.

Ummi kemain sedih, and I was.. Sad man. Like really really sad. The moment they said 'sah', it hit me that my parents were no longer my priority. Somehow this man that I've only known for 3 years was taking over that place. It dawned me really hard that I felt.. Numb. And I can be rubbish at displaying my true emotions anyway, hence the ultimate poker face. Although I'd prefer to call it the okay-I'm-not-sure-what's-gonna-happen-next-help? face.

In all honesty, panic okay? Like, okay sekarang dah jadi wife orang so what's next? It was so awkward that masa Adam wanted to kiss my forehead I backed away sebab awkward gila, like siapa kau nak cium aku??!? Kelakar gila. Even the pictures of that moment look awkward..

Anyway, what made my day is this!

Another reason why I kinda dread looking at our wedding photos is because I believe there's not a single shot of us with my parents! (Long story). Turns out Kak Ina actually took this shot at some point! Nanges. I owe her my life okay!

Sorry lah kena tengok close up muka kitorang. Camera mahal pulak tu, habis semua zoom in nampak segala pori pori cela di wajah. 

No regret.

Few days back ada orang tanya, if I could turn back time, would I do anything differently?

Yes, kawen lagi awal. Wahahah.

In all seriousness, I would still marry this guy, a thousand times over.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

The Advocate.

Last week I stumbled upon this personality test posted by others on Facebook.

And this is what I got.

It's scarily accurate, although I must admit the 'very rare' breed makes me slightly proud of myself, whatever it is supposed to mean.

INFJs indeed share a very unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain.

One of my KMB teachers told me this, once. I might appear pleasant and easy-going on the outside, but deep inside I'll hold strong to my values and often refuse to compromise. It's something that I take huge pride of, as I have my own set of values on how I should behave/think. For example, I won't simply say "I miss you too" when someone said they missed me, when the fact is I hardly noticed their absence at all. Unfortunately it's also a curse in the sense that I can't take "No" as an answer (this was actually pointed out by my dad when I was in high school). I despise going to social events when I know people will be late. It's against my value, and I believe their time is not any more valuable than mine, so I choose not to go at all just to spare me from the frustration of unpunctual people.

INFJs find it easy to make connections with others, and have a talent for warm, sensitive language, speaking in human terms, rather than with pure logic and fact. It makes sense that their friends and colleagues will come to think of them as quiet Extroverted types, but they would all do well to remember that INFJs need time alone to decompress and recharge, and to not become too alarmed when they suddenly withdraw.
When people find me friendly/pleasant on a first meeting, it's probably because of this. I have a tremendous interest in human mind, how they think, what they feel etc, not quite their life. Simplest example would be that I am more interested if someone enjoys their job and why they chose to do that rather than what they do and how much they earn from the job. The catch is, I often get tired from human interactions very easily. Great conversation, yes, now if you could excuse me to be on my own that would be great.

Determined and Passionate - When INFJs come to believe that something is important, they pursue that goal with a conviction and energy that can catch even their friends and loved ones off guard. INFJs will rock the boat if they have to, something not everyone likes to see, but their passion for their chosen cause is an inseparable part of their personality.
Now now, this probably explains why I still can't get my head around Medicine even after four years of doing it day in day out. My passion is slightly different from hospital life and all its glory. I am yet to rock the boat, although it's something that I might just look into if I had the courage. Not yet at the moment. Have I told you I've been considering to join TFM (Teach For Malaysia) after graduating? 


Extremely Private - INFJs tend to present themselves as the culmination of an idea. This is partly because they believe in this idea, but also because INFJs are extremely private when it comes to their personal lives, using this image to keep themselves from having to truly open up, even to close friends. 
Part of this goes to the fact that I don't know how to open up, even to the closest of people around me. As a direct result, I often find myself crying hard at random times because I get really upset/frustrated about things. And by 'crying hard' I mean the kind of cry that you just break down slumped to your knees and sob your heart out for 30 seconds, or silently under the duvet til I fall asleep. Not proud.

Reading the whole thing feels weird, it's as if I'm looking at myself from my own point of view. I'm sure not all of them apply to me, just that the famous people with INFJ trait are all the noble ones - Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa.. They've all devoted their life to the betterment of others, making me wonder what am I doing at the moment..

Pretty much mengamuk taknak balik Peterborough every Sunday, chanting "Dowan go school" all the time. Haih bila lah nak besar.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Projek U Part II: Cork, Galway and Belfast.

Just realised I have completely forgotten about Projek U.

*dramatic gasps*

To be fair, there's not a lot of things to write anyway. We made our journey from Dublin to Cork and Galway before heading back to Belfast. In other words - Ireland road trip. And I must admit sceneries aren't really my thing. So most pictures are actually of people, and being the third wheel in this trip, they're of my parents. 

Like this. 


We arrived Cork in the evening, went to pick Zay (my classmate at KMB) up at her university and headed straight to dinner.

The next day we went around Cork city center and Ayah did all the snapping hence no pictures in my camera. Kemain travel jauh jauh, pemalas humphh. *tarik telinga sendiri*

Aaand we made our way to Galway.

There's a reason why it's probably better to just let me sleep in long journeys.

Aaaand here I present you..

.. More sceneries! This is actually around Cliff of Moher.

Super love this picture cause it looks like my band members has left me behind :(

That night we went to see DJ (another classmate at KMB) for dinner. In all honesty I think I might have used this trip to my advantage i.e. to see my classmates. Hihik.

And we ran out of Euros to spend so it's probably best to get back to Belfast where pounds came into use. And where Adam was, yeay! (read: overly attached)

Before leaving we stopped by at Salthill just to take some pictures of the Atlantic Ocean. Ayah got a tad too excited about it he asked me to taste the saltwater, saying that it was The Atlantic! Okay. I didn't quite get the fuss, still, oh, okay.

Aaaand up we drove back into Belfast! Stopped by Banbridge outlet and straight to Adam's before heading for dinner at Cafe Fish. Not a single picture cause I was already very grumpy from the long trip and the fact that I had to fly back into Leicester the very next day. Sads.

Aaaand that's the end of Part II. 
(I feel cheated myself, haha)