Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Home is you.

The moment I knew Adam's got a job in Leicester, I cried out of happiness. I was ecstatic. Euphoric. The idea of moving together thrills me like nothing else. We're  gonna do a lot of things together! We'll do that food roadtrips that we've always wanted. We'll sing and dance under the dim light of cooker hood after dinner. We'll fill the fridge with fresh groceries and wallop over Tesco ice cream tub watching late night movies. We'll go on a run on weekends. We'll.. The possibilities are endless. 

Then it dawns me.. We'll also wonder why the room feels too small and restricting. We'll have dinners at not-so-right time just because one of us isn't hungry, yet. We'll crave that personal space that has been enveloping us for 25 odd years. Actually I will probably long for it most. Solitude is probably going to be a thing in the past. 

Suddenly the reality of living together becomes too daunting. 

Adam's back in UK to get on a new phase of life inshaAllah after his short holiday for Raya. And I'm back in KL for summer break. We had 3 days to spend in KL before he left, and it has been most wonderful to have him here. Home feels complete with him here. 

Now, I want nothing else but to be with him. Nevermind the huffs and puffs of starting a new life together, I just want to be by his side. Lets not worry about what the future holds. We'll figure things out later. We always do. 

Sometimes.. I'd give anything, everything to have this guy back in my arms. 

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Cohabiting: You never know whose dua is being granted.

Few days ago this arrived at my front door.

I texted Ayah this picture, and of course he had to reply,

"Pizza man."

How thoughtful.

Anyway, this is a picture of Adam with all his worldly possessions of 5 years in his car, here in Leicester.

Alhamdulillah, he's got a job in Leicester. Alhamdulillah. He'll be doing his first year of housemanship in Leicester, second in Northampton. Which is what we have been hoping for since I'll be in final year when he's in Leicester, which also means that we can finally move in together, inshaAllah!

2015 has been challenging to us. We've been through quite a few dips and bleak times when all that  was there was just hope and faith. At some point we even told each other it's probably best to just wing it, "whatever happens, happens", because to be honest, when a trial hit you one after another, you just think, maybe you shouldn't be putting any hopes at all.

Still, all those while, I keep making duas that we'd find a way out of this. Or at least for us to be shown the hikmah of what's been happening. I tell others too, to please make dua for us, even when it doesn't seem very likely we'd get it considering what already happened.

Speaking of the power of dua, 

I took a taxi from Leicester bus station after coming back from Adam's graduation in Belfast last Sunday. The taxi driver seemed so pleased and eager when he saw me. He asked me how I'm doing, where I'm back from, etc. And when I told him I just came back from Belfast for my husband's graduation, he then asked, "Oh yea, how is he doing?" 

I thought it was a weird question considering I don't really know this taxi man, but I replied anyway, "He's fine Alhamdulillah. He's got a job in Leicester so we're hoping there's no more of this Belfast-Leicester trips". I mentioned it ever so casually when the man suddenly went to silence. He kept saying Alhamdulillah to himself and only then I realised what was happening

He was crying. This man, this taxi man, this complete stranger, he was weeping in front of me.

"I remember you very well. I remember you around Christmas time (about 6 months ago) when I picked you up from from the bus station. You told me that you just got back from seeing your husband in Belfast. He studies medicine too, right? So you told me how you two have been flying back and forth Belfast-Leicester for many years, and you were hoping that he'd get a job in Leicester because he'll finish earlier than you. You asked me to make dua for you. And I remember, because I specifically made dua, Oh Allah, please bring this couple together. I made that dua specifically for you two. And look, He's granted my dua, in this holy month of Ramadhan. I'm just at lost of words.  He granted my dua. Alhamdulillah."

So this complete stranger, whom I just met once, whose only connected to me in the name of Allah, in the brotherhood of Islam, made a dua to Adam and I, just because I asked him to.

Of course I cried too. It was too emotional. Who would've known I would take his taxi 6 months later and deliver the good news to him myself? That his dua has been granted?

He then added, "That's why The Prophet pbuh said, when you meet another brother/sister, ask them to make dua for you. You don't know whose dua is being granted. Subhanallah."


So here I am, thanking whoever's reading this, for the duas that you guys have made, for every kind words that you guys have said, either to yourself or in the comment box. Thank you. May Allah grant us Jannah, inshaAllah.

And if you guys can spare 20 seconds to make dua for this taxi man, his name is Amir from Algeria, that Allah bestows him goodness in life inshaAllah, I would be most grateful.

Pray. Make duas. You never know whose dua is being granted.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Doctor, est 2015.

Queen's University of Belfast

"Hey, are you a cardiothoracic surgeon?"

Cause you took my heart away.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Nude heels.

I've been on the lookout for a pair of nude heels for a very long time, but couldn't really justify myself for getting one. One, I'll only probably wear them very occasionally (although admittedly for someone as selekeh as me, I can last quite long in them). Two, I kinda swore off them after high school (I used to live in heels and wedges and not know how to walk in flats).

Only that who can resist a pair of nude heels? They're a must in a girl's wardrobe (or shoe rack). So I thought, since I'm going somewhere nice and (kinda) dressy next month, I might as well jump into it. Get that darn nude heels I've always been wanting to get.

Went through a few online sites.. Keeping the tabs of 'potential' shoes.. Only to realise that most of them are peep-toes that I'm looking at. And you know, peep-toes are pretty. They last forever. They never age, especially the nude ones.

Bringin' on that femme fatale, rawr.

And admittedly I like peep-toe heels better than the pump ones. They are just too.. Pretty. Sigh.

But peep-toes are peep-toes, they have a peek into your toes. And I'm not sure I want to go down that route. In fact in all honesty, this whole killer heels business make me think twice if not already many times. They, urm, expose the upper part of your feet. Which is, urm, you know, aurat. And killer heels ain't deadly with stockings. Peep-toe heels, on the other hand, is a major turn-off with stockings.

I'll go for less deadly that a turn-off anytime, thank you.

It makes me think, the struggle is real. For many years I struggle with my clothes. It was really hard for me to start looking at size 12 tops when my true size is actually 6-8. Used to them now, Alhamdulillah. In fact they feel pretty good (and airy too). Then came the next struggle, loose and long tops to cover the backside. Convincing myself that I don't look like a walking potato sack.. Why is it that when I wear them I look funny, but others seem to be very modest and well, sejuk mata memandang?

Anyways, no peep-toes for me then. 

Pilih, nak struggle sekarang ke, struggle kat sana?

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Monday, June 15, 2015

Liverpool, ran and dyed.

This is a long due post. My aborted mission of going to Macedonia and/or non existent plan of going to Norway has been replaced by a trip to Liverpool. Supporting local product. *tetiba

So 4 years in the UK and it was actually my first trip to Liverpool. And I've never been to Manchester, in fact. Don't judge. Ingat Manchester best sangat banyak makanan halal? Kat Leicester pun bersepah okay. * mintak penampar cari pasal dengan orang Manchester. Nak gaduh? Omg tetiba sangat.

Anyways, Liverpool it was. There was Mersey River Festival going on that weekend. And Albert Dock was flooded (pun intended) with ships. And... Tiba tiba malas pulak nak menaip. And gambar banyak pulak nak kena filter. Haih pulak dah.

There are probably hundreds of pictures in my camera, but this time laziness wins.

Went there Thursday night, went to Cheshire Oaks and walked around city on Friday, and (literally) ran on Saturday.

Now here's the bigger mission in Liverpool.

Run or Dye!!

Alright don't be deceived by the 'Finish' banners. This is actually a 'before' photo. There's no way I could be that clean before the whole thing.

True 'after' picture. Comot gila. Even the camera became dusty with all the colour dye flying around.

Faces of 5k finishers! 

Not the prettiest pictures of us, but I owe this trip to this young lady. Kak Azyan, my senior back in high school. And since I went to 2 high schools (3 if you count the first few months before I was sent away), Kak Azyan and I were in the same SMKA (agama yes oh wow). She's 2 years senior than me. And since I left the school after form 3, it means the last time we saw each other was about 10 years ago. TEN FREAKING YEARS and she's still like, the cool senior I knew back then (okay Kak Azyan sila sengih sorang sorang baca ni). It feels pretty cool to see each other again! And it's been so long since I feel connected (wah!) to someone I haven't seen in a very long time. And I'm not talking about the weird awkward obligatory conversations, no, it was like the old asrama days, so young and carefree. Seronok gilaaaaa. Tinggal tak makan maggi dalam baldi je. (not that I did, pfft)

Ha, part menaip pasal orang seronok saja.

And I shall leave you with the manic scene of Run or Dye Liverpool at the closing ceremony.

Confession time: I probably just love the 'party' feel to it - the 'club' songs, the dance and groove, the jumping up and down to the beat.. Okay mungkin boleh kawal perasaan sekarang.

Anyways, we spent the day after walking to a car boot sale with jelly legs.

It was one hell of a trip and it deserves a longer proper post! Ah, so gutted sebab serius takde perasaan nak menulis sekarang.

Oh well, laziness wins. Everytime.