Thursday, October 30, 2014


My GP once told me,

"So you had a bad consultation with one patient. But as soon as the patient walked out the door, you have a very important thing to do - housekeeping. Keep your mind and emotion in check. Take a deep breath, and remember, whoever comes in next, is a new patient. They don't know what happened in the last consultation, they don't know if you messed up with your diagnosis or management plan. They are new to you as you are to them, but only if you do your housekeeping."

Breathe. It's just a bad day, not a bad life.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Hello again, Dublin!

So you guys already know that my brother, Zahid got married over the summer right? But what I'm yet to share is that he came to Dublin to be with his wife for a week plus. Pretty much like how I went to stay in Belfast for a month after we got married la, something like that. Apparently our family has a thing for long distance relationship, lol.

Zahid came to Dublin on the third week I started my classes after summer, and just in time when Adam came back from Malaysia. So Adam and I decided to make a trip down to Dublin.

And this post is just going to be a crapload of rubbish photos from my sad iPhone 4s. I desperately need a phone with a nicer camera, people. I mean, it doesn't have to be an iPhone 6, just something with a decent camera, please? 

No? Okay :(

Left Belfast on Thursday afternoon to arrive Dublin at 3pm. Went to get some Euros and..... Had to wait for an hour for the newly-wed. 

I was fuming.

I consider myself as somewhat quite high tolerance to things la. Pain, people, unfortunate events. I'm quite good at calming myself down when disaster happens. Missed flights? Okay. Lost money? Okay. I mean, can't do anything about it so let it be. But one thing that I really suck at is..


God knows how much I HATE WAITING. Especially for people. Unpunctual people. I'm almost always very punctual up to the minute. When I say 4.30, I mean, 4-three-zero. Not 4.34 or 4.40. And waiting is just not my forte.

So imagine when we had to wait for them for about an hour, with the parking meter running like leaking tap. And if you don't already know, here I tell you. Parking cost in Dublin is very very very expensive. And there we were spending an hour by the canal donating parking money to the Dublin city council.

Rant ends here.

Met them couple, had some nice Japanese food but no picture because I was still fuming. Adam was understanding enough not to direct any conversation towards me because he knew I wouldn't be bothered. Marah okay marah. I TAK SUKA ORANG LAMBAT.

Rant ends here, this time for real.

Still, the self-conscience inside me cooled down after a while. After that we went to some posh tea room. Had caramel something tea, so nice! Again, no pictures of tea whatsoever because my phone is sad. These pictures of us were taken pun because Zahid asked us to. I mean not everyday (not even every year!) that I get to see him in Europe!

And there was a moment of eureka I realised how similar we look! 

Back in Malaysia I have a bunch of guy friends who just 'adored' Zahid because he's so jambu and kinda cute. Kinda. And they thought he's cool too because there was a time when we were housemates (my parents were in Sarawak) and we got to do loads of cool stuff. So they thought he's the cool brother who does cool things but sadly, has a lame sister. I still remember when my friends and I went on a road trip to my cousin's wedding in Kedah, my friends were usha-ing him from afar. I was like, seriously people??? You guys gay or whatt??!?

And how come you guys don't think I'm cool too? Pfft.

Anyways, here's a picture of us, probably not very cool, but just because.

And here's the highlight of the trip to Dublin.

Went to Nyonya with Mau, Pija and Acap! Haven't seen Pija for aaaages! The last time I saw her was before I got married so that was like, more than two years ago! Aaaaaa excited!!!!

Here's Mau busy playing host.

Here's Acap busy singing - guys his voice is amazing!!

Here's the newly-wed, being all newly-wed-ish.

And here's Adam with his classic couldn't-be-bothered-I'm-just-hungry pose.

The fooooooood.

Just love the crowd!

Okay, one thing that people should keep in mind is, nothing is impossible when Pija and Bella meet. Pija was my roomate back in KMB. And we did lots of strange things back then - stalking people sampai padang bola being one of them. BAHAHHAHAHAH. She's one of those whom I don't have to meet or talk to every day, nor every month or year, but just get along once we do meet. In fact, probably get along a little bit too much. We keep telling people, don't put Bella and Pija in the same room, or you'll get all sort of strange stuff happening. Like that evening, we took hold of the mic like nobody's business. And who knows how amazing her voice is!!! 

And I didn't know Zahid sings. I mean, I know la he got nice voice, but to actually sing karaoke rock kapak, woahhh!! Adam said our family has that voice - the high pitch menjerit voice. Good thing or not, well.. Hahahah.

Boy did we have fun.

We stayed the night at Mau's place. Mau and Acap are housemates, with Shahir and Syauqan. And man their place is sooo cool!

And all I have is a picture of Adam fiddling around this as we kept ooh-ahh-ing in awe at the place after Mau and Acap had left to hospital. (no one's ill, we're just a bunch of medics whose second home is hospital, pfft).

And another picture of the sort of automatic gate where the car park is. How pathetic of me. Tsk.

Left the place before noon to send Zahid to the airport as he was going back to Malaysia, and we had to make our way back to Belfast. And here's me being dramatic.

We even matched each other! Bahahaahah.

Zahid and I, we were very close. Were, because it was a thing in the past. He's the first guy best friend I have ever had. Whenever we were on the phone, my friends around me would wonder if I was talking to my boyfriend or something. Because we were so so so close that it drove my mom crazy when we had our romantic banters. We even call each other I-you, saya-awak, when the rest of the family call each other by names.

I still remember when we went for umrah with my parents and grandma, my mom wouldn't let us sit together on the flight to Jeddah from Cairo, Egypt. That because we sat next to each other in the first leg of the journey (KL-Cairo) and all we did was laugh, gossip, watch movies, play games etc. And my mom thought it would be nice if we could spend the time in our flight reading some du'as, getting familiar with the dos and don'ts in umrah. Of course I rebelled. I sat there not talking to my grandma throughout the whole flight. Hahahahaha!

Among our siblings, Zahid and I are the only ones separated by two years apart. The rest of us has a four-year gap between each other. So that makes us become more like friends. We used to share secrets. When we said pillow talk, we really meant pillow talk - i.e. lying staring at the ceiling telling stories catching up with life etc. And the one year period when I had to defer my entry to uni was probably the closest we've been. Left for work early in the morning, came home to find food on the table, prayed together, telling each other how the day went, the usual mundane stuff. 

We were friends.

Were. Because things have changed. I guess that's what happen when you become friends. Things change. If we were to remain with the siblings-type relationship, it probably won't feel as different. Because he now acts more like a brother to me. And calls himself Aban (for some reasons the name sticks) rather than Zahid. And calls me Angah, instead of my name, which he never did. And I grow on to call him Aban too, which was an issue in the big family when we were younger because I refused to call him Abang.

Sappy moments aside, it was a reaaaaaally nice short trip to Dublin. Dublin makes me miss Izleen and KN, but these people are nothing short. Gotta thank them awesome crowd - Mau, Pija and Acap for making it happen!

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

As you turn 24.

As you turn 24
You start to wonder, you begin to ponder
Where this road is taking you once school is over
Do you stay in Belfast where everything is familiar --
-- Or seek the comfort of a wife in Leicester --
-- Or even perhaps go back to your root, and serve em taxpayers.

As you turn 24
Your features soften, your smiles widen
You find yourself laughing a little more often
And goof on your wife of being pregnant
There there, little do you realise what actually happens
Maybe it's time to think of having children?

As you turn 24
You cook healthily, you go to gym
No more oily junks, just grill or steam
As you become more consistent, in pride you beam
As you become hunkier, the harder it seems
To take my eyes off you, with my naughty grin.

As you turn 24
You drool on cars, not that you hadn't before
It just seems more possible, that Audi A4
But a wife who wants an A6 is probably going to make you poor
You wonder if teaching her cars was a good idea after all.

As you turn 24
You pay for more things as I stand there and watch
You still do chores like putting laundry in the wash
Never did you whine, neither did you dodge
Sometimes it makes me feel guilty just a tiny little notch
But to be the luckiest wife alive, I feel posh.

As you turn 24
You cook the best rendang nevermind the paste
But still asks me how to cook chicken to your taste
Not that everything I cook is always the nicest
So at times I wonder if you're just being courteous
But oh well, it's not everyday I can be a cook genius.

As you turn 24
You still call your wife your baby gurl
Gurl with a 'u', it's completely intentional
It drives me mad but I find it adorable
It makes me break my grammar nazi rule
It's the child in you that makes you playful.

As you turn 24 this year
It's nearly 5 years we've been together
You do realise, it's a long time to annoy each other
Still I love you all the same and perhaps a little greater
We've come this far, we've taken it further
And I know in distance do our hearts silently suffer
And that I never get to be there on your birthday doesn't make it any better
Still, we persevere
For in this love of ours, do the hearts find pleasure.

As you turn 24 this year
I wish it will be your last birthday without me, ever.

Happy 24th sayang,
-- Your Bella.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Summer Love II - Of Kelantan and Pulau Perhentian.


*deep breath in*

Friday, 01/08/14
Spent the day doing final preparations for my brother's wedding. Well, more like me nudging my mom to buy new tudung and find new kain, actually. Went to Pasir Puteh with Ummi and bought some stuff. And we had KFC there! TWICE! We had our first KFC in the car on our way back, and the second one after we came home to realise no one was cooking lunch (not me, not everrrhh), so we went out again to Kok Lanas KFC. So much of wanting KFC man. The rest of the night was spent arguing who should iron one of the dresses for hantaran - it was quite tricky and no one wanted to take the risk. But oh well, all was well.

Saturday, 02/08/14
Abang kita kawen waweeee! It's akad nikah on the bride's side.

I love love looooove this picture! My Adam looks soooo giant at one end while Little Adam looks sooo tiny at the other end. Hahahaha! As for my brother, who needs friends when you have truckloads of male siblings and cousins in the family? Yes these are all the grown up male cousins in my family - leaving myself, my sister and cousin Nadirah as the only girls. Hmphh.

Pretty much the only ones left after the akad and makan makan ceremony. It was almost noon and everyone just wanted to go home by that time. 

And this, is the excited faces of Nabilah and her husband (who was forced to look excited, btw) with her sister's monopod and a fish eye lens, the whole time being watched and laughed at by the younger ones. 

And by this time I'm pretty sure it's already very apparent that I was so tanned from the sun. Spending  a month in UK summer only to go home to the tropical weather of Malaysia did that to me :(

Sunday, 03/08/14

Muka pengantin lama. Lol. No we did not tempah the outfit just for our wedding anniversary. That would be too much hahaha. It was reception on the groom's side, aka our side, so everyone was wearing brown, which I had no pictures of. Sads. But yeah, it was the day our marriage turned 2.

Somewhere during our stay in Kelantan, I finally got to meet cousin Alisya after two years, and I think she liked Adam a wee bit more than me. Grr.


Monday, 04/08/14 - Wednesday, 06/08/14
We made our way to Pulau Perhentian as a stop before going back to KL. Just the two of us - the old married couple. Haha. Stayed there for 3D2N on a full board snorkelling package. One thing that I always wonder when I go somewhere with Adam is - why didn't I take more pictures back then? For a start, we don't do selfie that much, so most our pictures were taken by someone else. And I'm too lazy to carry my phone or camera around. And our time together is limited, every minute counts for we know we would have to eventually go back to being the long distance couple, so pictures are not really in the priority list. But everytime after we get back from somewhere, I always feel a tiny bit terkilan for we don't have proper pictures together. Rant ends here.

Admittedly this is the ONLY picture of us throughout the trip - taken just so that we could send it via WhatsApp to our family back home. Had they not discussed about dinner or anything, perhaps we'd end up with no pictures at all.

But anyways, I think I learnt a great deal from this trip. It was admittedly the first trip we had, just the two of us, in a veeeeery long time. I think our last couple trip was when we went on a Euro trip covering 5 countries, and that was in December 2012. Most of the times we spent lazying at home and did nothing, or went out with the family - we went on a family day on Adam's side at Bukit Merah Laketown last year, it was amazing. And this Perhentian trip was our first couple holiday in Malaysia. Ever. That if you didn't count the road trip to East Coast we had before we got married la. Even with that one we went with our teachers. See? Haha.

It's a great deal of lesson in the sense that, honeymoon - expectation vs reality. To be completely honest, we always thought we're the honeymoon couple, considering how we spend most times apart,  so every waking day that we spend together is a honeymoon day. But that only applies to our normal life - the long weekends crashing at each other's place either in Belfast or Leicester.

But Perhentian is a foreign place. A strange place. I've been looking forward to this trip even before I came back for summer holiday. My love for islands and beaches is too much, that I wanted us to go on a beach holiday. What I didn't prepare beforehand was, the practical things.

1. Weddings are tiring.
We just got back from my brother's wedding. It was very ultimately tiring. My parents even said to the younger siblings - no one gets married in the nearest time, we're dead tired. Of course it didn't help that Adam and I had a very simple wedding, that we feel too thankful for that, that we (or at least I, myself ) wondered why do people have to make wedding a big deal. It is soooo tiring! So by the time we got to Perhentian, we were both knackered. We just wanted to rest. Or best said, to go back home - KL.

2. Malaysia is a very hot country. 
Apologies if I sound rude, but it's very true. I love the sun, don't get me wrong - in fact I'm one of the biggest sun-freak in the family. But it's just too hot it drained us. I got tanned and sun burnt, I got cranky. We had no aircons in Kelantan where we spent our days before going to Perhentian, when I got heat rash. And inevitably I got very tired, leading us back to point no 1.

3. You can't wear glasses when snorkelling. 
This, we hadn't considered at all. AT ALL. I felt guilty for missing this one very crucial point. Adam's vision without glasses is worse than mine even before I had LASIK done. But at least back then I could wear contact lens. That doesn't apply to Adam because he has a history of corneal abrasion, where he can't wear contact lens for a very long time (or maybe ever). And he left his power swimming goggles in the UK. AND WE DID NOT THINK ABOUT IT, AT ALL. 

4. People get sick even when they wish they hadn't. 
Adam slowly became unwell in the evening of the first day. We thought it was the heat, and he had tons of iced drinks (which were amazing, btw) in the afternoon when we first arrived. As a result to that, he started to get chills and slight fever in the evening. Which lasted throughout the whole trip. And I only had ibuprofen that I carry around with me most of the times, thankfully. He barely jumped into the water on the second day when we went snorkelling for feeling a little unwell (and the power goggles, remember?). I was frustrated. I was upset. I felt bad because he was ill and there I was, being in my elements enjoying every view of the underwater creatures, and he couldn't see them, he couldn't enjoy them, and I thought he probably wished he didn't have to be there. I was torn between guilt and self-indulgence, which in the end we compromised. He came with us for the snorkelling trip, albeit staying on the boat most of the times, but in the evening stayed in the room as I wandered the beach by myself. The things you do for love.

Still, I had a good time, albeit being very very very tired and knackered at the end of the trip. We left first thing in the morning on the last day, and I drove almost all the way back to KL with Adam sleeping most of the times. And Adam went on being unwell even after we got back to KL.

There you go, expectation vs reality.

It made me think - this is the reality. People get sick. People get tired. We've never lived together more than 2 months, thus we hadn't seen enough of each other at our worst. But we also hadn't seen enough of each other at our best - the early morning snuggles, the lazy strolls in town when we know we have all the time in the world and not worry about our flights not being checked in. 

Whatever the reality brings, I look forward to the day when we can finally stop counting the days.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

This, too, shall pass.

"Is it He who listens to the (soul) distressed when it calls on Him, and Who relieves its suffering.."

An-Naml: 62