Friday, September 25, 2015


Pretty good for a word sandwich, no?

Just like what it says, Eid with stethoscope!

Actually long before I came back to UK from summer break, I've already made a mental note on what to wear for Eid this time. Raya haji. Semangat ok! Siap tanya Adam dia bawak baju melayu apa so that we can match.

Turned out we only matched for one thing.

The stethoscope!

Even with that I had to ask him to take a picture with his steths since he's doing psychiatry at the moment, and psych people ain't got time to listen to people's chest. They're only good at listening to the heart (ie what patients have got to say, deep down from the bottom of their heart). Hehe.

No offence to budding psychiatrists out there! (well, me?)

To make it even nicer, we actually didn't get to celebrate Eid together since I'm in Northampton now, and I was too lazy to go back to Leicester for a day just for Eid, nevermind the fact that Leicester is just an hour away. It's like bila makcik jiran sebelah rumah tanya, "tak balik kampung ke raya ni?"

"Tak makcik, malas. Tapi sejam je perjalanan sebenarnya." 

A sacrifice I made for my education and learning. Cannot brain, lol.

But anyways, hope you guys had a good Eid, with the true meaningful message of sacrifice that it brings with. I'm a little bit too far ie detached at the moment I must admit, must step back and find 'the purpose' asap. 

And.. With all that's been going on at Makkah at the moment, al-fatihah, He knows best. May Allah grant the strength and ease the hearts of their loved ones.

Friday, September 18, 2015

Cohabiting: Quick update.

I am so unwell it hurts.

Now now, having disappeared for nearly 2 months and suddenly coming back whinging of being unwell? What have I become? *cries at the corner*

A little life update in general. I'm so swamped with things. Suddenly we are forced to become adults the moment we moved in together. (And I thought having our own place together would be nice and dandy). Haaahhhh.

Nevertheless Alhamdulillah we're settling in quite nicely. The other day Adam called Wan (his nenek) just to update her on stuff when suddenly Wan asked,

"Duduk berdua tu, tak gaduh ke?"

In which Adam replied, "Mana ada gaduh Wan, sayang je."

Kahkah, sweet bakhang. Iyo lah tuu. Apparently quite a few people have been wondering how we're getting on with our cohabitation progress. Even Lin's mom (Lin was my housemate last time, with Nadd) was wondering the same as she knows I pindah rumah to live with Adam.

True enough, while a lot of people around our age were gleaming and beaming and excited (we are, too!) for the big progress in our relationship, the older generation (actually takde lah tua sangat, more like the wiser ones) saw it more of a transition into a completely different world.

Betul wehhh. I think sejak hidup berdua ni kerja I ialah maaaaaasak je. Kalau dulu duduk sorang makan lauk sama 3-4 hari takde hal, sekarang rasa macam, mana boleh, mesti lah nak serve husband yang best best kan.

Camtu ha.

Kan dah geli.

Haha. Still, other than the fact that I have been so unwell since the last few days, Alhamdulillah things are good. They're so good that I don't even have the time to write! (Alasan tak nak kalah).

I'll end this quick note with a little anecdote.

There was a day when Adam and I went to Asda (a hypermarket, equivalent to Tesco and stuff) to buy some groceries and things. We ended up spending more than we should and it made Adam a little unhappy, I guess. He then asked if it's normal for me to spend such amount on groceries.

I thought he sounded accusatory (as he was the one who paid for them) and took it rather bitterly, by saying that I can pay as well, money isn't really an issue. Needless to say, we spent the night being cold to each other, not saying much.

The next morning he saw me taking morning shower and washing my hair (which I rarely do in the morning, too lazy to use hairdryer). He then asked if I wanted to use his hairdryer or mine, I said it didn't matter (rather blatantly, plus the cold tone). Next thing I knew was this.

He actually took the time to set this up, find the extension, plug it in and put the hairdryer there. Of course by the time I saw it he's already left for work, and I was left with a guilt.

It reminds me of this saying,

"Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, 
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

He could choose not to do this, but he did it anyway. This is his way of saying I love you. Like how he does all the laundry once I've left to Northampton. (YES I'M ON OUTBLOCK, AGAIN).

I'm writing this to remind myself in the future, that how simple things can be an act of love. Jangan asyik nak merajuk emo tak tentu hala je, tahu?

Really wanted to show around our new place, but it's not quite done yet, so I'll leave you to the view of my room in Northampton.

This will do for now, haha. Til then!

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Home is you.

The moment I knew Adam's got a job in Leicester, I cried out of happiness. I was ecstatic. Euphoric. The idea of moving together thrills me like nothing else. We're  gonna do a lot of things together! We'll do that food roadtrips that we've always wanted. We'll sing and dance under the dim light of cooker hood after dinner. We'll fill the fridge with fresh groceries and wallop over Tesco ice cream tub watching late night movies. We'll go on a run on weekends. We'll.. The possibilities are endless. 

Then it dawns me.. We'll also wonder why the room feels too small and restricting. We'll have dinners at not-so-right time just because one of us isn't hungry, yet. We'll crave that personal space that has been enveloping us for 25 odd years. Actually I will probably long for it most. Solitude is probably going to be a thing in the past. 

Suddenly the reality of living together becomes too daunting. 

Adam's back in UK to get on a new phase of life inshaAllah after his short holiday for Raya. And I'm back in KL for summer break. We had 3 days to spend in KL before he left, and it has been most wonderful to have him here. Home feels complete with him here. 

Now, I want nothing else but to be with him. Nevermind the huffs and puffs of starting a new life together, I just want to be by his side. Lets not worry about what the future holds. We'll figure things out later. We always do. 

Sometimes.. I'd give anything, everything to have this guy back in my arms. 

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Cohabiting: You never know whose dua is being granted.

Few days ago this arrived at my front door.

I texted Ayah this picture, and of course he had to reply,

"Pizza man."

How thoughtful.

Anyway, this is a picture of Adam with all his worldly possessions of 5 years in his car, here in Leicester.

Alhamdulillah, he's got a job in Leicester. Alhamdulillah. He'll be doing his first year of housemanship in Leicester, second in Northampton. Which is what we have been hoping for since I'll be in final year when he's in Leicester, which also means that we can finally move in together, inshaAllah!

2015 has been challenging to us. We've been through quite a few dips and bleak times when all that  was there was just hope and faith. At some point we even told each other it's probably best to just wing it, "whatever happens, happens", because to be honest, when a trial hit you one after another, you just think, maybe you shouldn't be putting any hopes at all.

Still, all those while, I keep making duas that we'd find a way out of this. Or at least for us to be shown the hikmah of what's been happening. I tell others too, to please make dua for us, even when it doesn't seem very likely we'd get it considering what already happened.

Speaking of the power of dua, 

I took a taxi from Leicester bus station after coming back from Adam's graduation in Belfast last Sunday. The taxi driver seemed so pleased and eager when he saw me. He asked me how I'm doing, where I'm back from, etc. And when I told him I just came back from Belfast for my husband's graduation, he then asked, "Oh yea, how is he doing?" 

I thought it was a weird question considering I don't really know this taxi man, but I replied anyway, "He's fine Alhamdulillah. He's got a job in Leicester so we're hoping there's no more of this Belfast-Leicester trips". I mentioned it ever so casually when the man suddenly went to silence. He kept saying Alhamdulillah to himself and only then I realised what was happening

He was crying. This man, this taxi man, this complete stranger, he was weeping in front of me.

"I remember you very well. I remember you around Christmas time (about 6 months ago) when I picked you up from from the bus station. You told me that you just got back from seeing your husband in Belfast. He studies medicine too, right? So you told me how you two have been flying back and forth Belfast-Leicester for many years, and you were hoping that he'd get a job in Leicester because he'll finish earlier than you. You asked me to make dua for you. And I remember, because I specifically made dua, Oh Allah, please bring this couple together. I made that dua specifically for you two. And look, He's granted my dua, in this holy month of Ramadhan. I'm just at lost of words.  He granted my dua. Alhamdulillah."

So this complete stranger, whom I just met once, whose only connected to me in the name of Allah, in the brotherhood of Islam, made a dua to Adam and I, just because I asked him to.

Of course I cried too. It was too emotional. Who would've known I would take his taxi 6 months later and deliver the good news to him myself? That his dua has been granted?

He then added, "That's why The Prophet pbuh said, when you meet another brother/sister, ask them to make dua for you. You don't know whose dua is being granted. Subhanallah."


So here I am, thanking whoever's reading this, for the duas that you guys have made, for every kind words that you guys have said, either to yourself or in the comment box. Thank you. May Allah grant us Jannah, inshaAllah.

And if you guys can spare 20 seconds to make dua for this taxi man, his name is Amir from Algeria, that Allah bestows him goodness in life inshaAllah, I would be most grateful.

Pray. Make duas. You never know whose dua is being granted.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Doctor, est 2015.

Queen's University of Belfast

"Hey, are you a cardiothoracic surgeon?"

Cause you took my heart away.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Nude heels.

I've been on the lookout for a pair of nude heels for a very long time, but couldn't really justify myself for getting one. One, I'll only probably wear them very occasionally (although admittedly for someone as selekeh as me, I can last quite long in them). Two, I kinda swore off them after high school (I used to live in heels and wedges and not know how to walk in flats).

Only that who can resist a pair of nude heels? They're a must in a girl's wardrobe (or shoe rack). So I thought, since I'm going somewhere nice and (kinda) dressy next month, I might as well jump into it. Get that darn nude heels I've always been wanting to get.

Went through a few online sites.. Keeping the tabs of 'potential' shoes.. Only to realise that most of them are peep-toes that I'm looking at. And you know, peep-toes are pretty. They last forever. They never age, especially the nude ones.

Bringin' on that femme fatale, rawr.

And admittedly I like peep-toe heels better than the pump ones. They are just too.. Pretty. Sigh.

But peep-toes are peep-toes, they have a peek into your toes. And I'm not sure I want to go down that route. In fact in all honesty, this whole killer heels business make me think twice if not already many times. They, urm, expose the upper part of your feet. Which is, urm, you know, aurat. And killer heels ain't deadly with stockings. Peep-toe heels, on the other hand, is a major turn-off with stockings.

I'll go for less deadly that a turn-off anytime, thank you.

It makes me think, the struggle is real. For many years I struggle with my clothes. It was really hard for me to start looking at size 12 tops when my true size is actually 6-8. Used to them now, Alhamdulillah. In fact they feel pretty good (and airy too). Then came the next struggle, loose and long tops to cover the backside. Convincing myself that I don't look like a walking potato sack.. Why is it that when I wear them I look funny, but others seem to be very modest and well, sejuk mata memandang?

Anyways, no peep-toes for me then. 

Pilih, nak struggle sekarang ke, struggle kat sana?