Wednesday, January 20, 2010

the battle is on.

Apparently Queen's University of Belfast DOES interview students.


I'm grateful for the fact that my name is in the list. Shortlisted. Alhamdulillah. Not many made it. I don't know the exact number of students applying. But I do know some people who didn't make it. It's all about rezeki. I can't say more. I have to admit, I DO envy those who get many many interviews for good good universities. But I know where I stand, where my limit is. Three interviews is good enough, what important now is the placement.

I have to nail this.

See you again, Cardiff.
Leicester University next week.
Queen's University of Belfast the next.
So long, Newcastle.

Nak balik, jumpa ayah this weekend. And KakCik, too. And YOU:)

ps. I love the fact that we are in this together. At least for now. Hopefully for always:)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

and i can't breathe without you but i have to.

i know i should be doing my abstract for EE now, but i can't.
the thought of you is drifting me away.
beep, handphone, beep. blink, show me a text is coming in.

oh. i can't think straight.

why do you have to put me in such a difficult situation?


love me again.

is it just me, or semester 4 IS actually killing everyone?

i'm tired. literally tired. i thought semester 3 was tedious enough. no, semester 4 has a lot more to offer. my energy is drained. i'm all messed up.

i'm going to flunk my chemistry. like hell, yeah. it's not like i don't understand what my classmates has been teaching in front, it's just that i couldn't remember a thing about what i just learnt 5 minutes after that. everything some sort of went blank. poof! disappear into thin air. this actually happens to all subjects, but it is very obvious when it comes to chemistry.

i used to LOVE chemistry once. yes, it was LOVE. and it's mutual. we love each other. i treated chemistry well, never slept in his class, paid my biggest attention to him. and he never failed to give me good grades.

but that relationship didn't last long. we had a fight somewhere in form 5. and i blew off. he said he was dumping me. heartbroken, i started ignoring him. and he, too, started to brag on how he could live without me. he went to see others behind my back. cheater.

but God knows best. somehow in SPM 2007, he came back to me. begging that i would take him in again. he gave me the most expensive gift that he could afford that time, a 1A. i was ecstatic. being young and free, i accepted him again, forgiving him for all the bad things he did.

we got along well since then. our relationship was perfect. we went to the same college, and had a good time together. semester 1 and 2 was our honeymoon year. in semester 2, he tried his best to show his love for me by giving me a 7, but somehow he failed. he ALMOST did, i could see the effort. but nevermind, my love for him grew deeper since then. i knew we could work things out.

in semester 3, the nightmare began. i became too busy. i did one of the biggest mistake since i started to be with him; i flirted. i went crazy over many other stuff, and i started ignoring him. things went worse each day, he just couldn't forgive me, and i couldn't care less. we became further and further apart in our own little lifeless IB world.

and he did the most unthinkable, unforgivable thing to me. he gave me a 5. a very weak 5. if it's not because we were once in love, i think he would have given me a 4 or 3. he really knocked me down. little did i realize how this bad romance could affect me this way. i stumbled.

now i'm learning to love him again. please, dear chemistry, forgive me. i miss our good old times together. can we at least be good friends?

Friday, January 15, 2010

talk to HIM. HE never failed to be there.

i'm fine. totally fine. perfectly fine.

sem III dapat 36 - alhamdulillah.

but chemistry and maths and business dropped menjunam macam bungee jumping.
kecut perut.
english pulak buat flying fox, sikit lagi nak masuk air.

i'm losing my faith. i start worrying over small small things that should not be worried about. my thoughts are burdening me. sometimes i think i'm being too hard on myself.

hari tu tiba3 cuak pasal cardiff interview. walhal dah lepas pun. interview hari isnin, dah hari khamis baru terasa cuaknya.

my lips were tight. my mouth felt dry. mata pun hangat lain macam.

and she finally cried. taktau kenapa. no valid reasons. if nabilah is an element of math, for sure she won't exist. sebab invalid domain. (apa ni?)

"aku cuak cardiff. taktau kenapa. org sibuk3 cuak iumc next week, aku yg cardiff dah lepas ni pun baru nak cuak."

bella, kau kena faham konsep tawakal. kau dah berusaha, buat yg terbaik, and the rest leave it to God. tak guna kau nak cuak3 sekarang, yg penting doa banyak3. kalau cardiff tu terbaik untuk kau, tak ke mana nya. tp kalau rezeki kau bukan kat situ, Allah ada plan lain untuk kau.

i rarely quoted my classmates, but this came from Aiman.
and somehow i felt relieved. i just needed some soothing words.

thanks Aiman, i wish you the best for your interview.


Saturday, January 2, 2010

you can go to hell, thank you.

jangan emo, sila jangan emo, nabilah.

recent stuff. (and some not-so-recent ones)

deactivated. i've always wanted to do this, but so much afraid that i cannot keep up with the latest news (not so much of gossips okay) of my fellow dearest friends. the non-dearest friends, you can go to hell, thank you. but the decision made in less than 5 minutes ago was merely influenced by the fact that i saw you who-try-to-play-nice-but-you're-so-nasty trying to play nice again. yeah, you. i guess what my good friend said about you was right. i tried all my best to defend you, tried to think positive, see you from a whole hell different point of view, but all the efforts just went down the drain. you don't even deserve it. so you can go to hell, thank you.

on second thought, i think you're just being human. and that gives you a more concrete reason to go to hell, thank you.

[so i guess its REactivated for now, but still, you can go to hell]



  1. pavilion's surau is cool. i mean, it's so easy to find,not so many people, and there's even hot water running from the tap! okay, lie. i didn't try the hot water thingy, but at least the taps said so.
  2. sg wang's foodcourt is small, very small for it's title as a foodcourt, indeed. but the food is good, if not too bad.for about RM6.50, you get a full plate of fried rice. yeah, FULL. value for money.
  3. avatar should be the most original movie of the year. (the storyline's a bit predictable, though)
  4. UM should be awarded as the biggest, best, most strategic FREE accommodation in kl.
  5. celebrating new year with cousin(s) and sibling(s) is terrific. i've done it with friends, but having family members around means much more:)
  6. a 5MP full touch screen LG phone would be very helpful to capture the beautiful splendid moment.
  7. you, yeah, hell you, can go to hell.


  1. samsung star is hellish sleek and charming, but no 3G and wifi. pity.
  2. lowyat's ATMs are hardly functioning when they are most needed.
  3. handphones are kehendak, not keperluan.
  4. wearing contact lens for two consecutive days without taking them out is okay.there's another surau at the upper level of KL sentral, less congested.
  5. you, yeah, hell you, can go to hell.

Sila go to hell, thank you.