Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.

.الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُمْ بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ أَلا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ
Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. [Ar-Ra'd: 28]

I find solace in sadness. 

Oh, the irony.

I miss being sad. Being in desperate need of something from The Almighty. As much as I try to convince myself that I, too, could be in constant remembrance of Him at times of happiness, it's never the same as when I'm in deep need of His comfort. When dunya knocks me down. When all I seek is the comfort of His words through the Holy Quran, or the warmth of tears flowing down my face flooding my telekung and sejadah as I recite every little prayer I know, as I tell Him my hopes and dreams, as I desperately need someone to listen.

I always wonder why am I such a melancholy. There were times when I craved to be sad, up to a point where it was unhealthy. Little did I know, that I needed to be sad. It's the sadness that truly brings me down on my knees, for me to truly reflect on my imaan.

Probably the thing that I miss, is not sadness. Rather, it's the state of utter submission to Him. To be able to cry in my sujood, or have the strength to wake up for tahajjud without a slight hesitation of life-is-pretty-good-maybe-I'll-wake-up-tomorrow because well, life is pretty good, what's another night without tahajjud? I wish it's the same as any other day. It is not.

So if being sad is the only way to put my heart at ease, I'll take sadness anytime. 

After all it's better to be sad than to not feel anything.

Cohabiting: You never know whose dua is being granted.

Few days ago this arrived at my front door.

I texted Ayah this picture, and of course he had to reply,

"Pizza man."

How thoughtful.

Anyway, this is a picture of Adam with all his worldly possessions of 5 years in his car, here in Leicester.

Alhamdulillah, he's got a job in Leicester. Alhamdulillah. He'll be doing his first year of housemanship in Leicester, second in Northampton. Which is what we have been hoping for since I'll be in final year when he's in Leicester, which also means that we can finally move in together, inshaAllah!

2015 has been challenging to us. We've been through quite a few dips and bleak times when all that  was there was just hope and faith. At some point we even told each other it's probably best to just wing it, "whatever happens, happens", because to be honest, when a trial hit you one after another, you just think, maybe you shouldn't be putting any hopes at all.

Still, all those while, I keep making duas that we'd find a way out of this. Or at least for us to be shown the hikmah of what's been happening. I tell others too, to please make dua for us, even when it doesn't seem very likely we'd get it considering what already happened.

Speaking of the power of dua, 

I took a taxi from Leicester bus station after coming back from Adam's graduation in Belfast last Sunday. The taxi driver seemed so pleased and eager when he saw me. He asked me how I'm doing, where I'm back from, etc. And when I told him I just came back from Belfast for my husband's graduation, he then asked, "Oh yea, how is he doing?" 

I thought it was a weird question considering I don't really know this taxi man, but I replied anyway, "He's fine Alhamdulillah. He's got a job in Leicester so we're hoping there's no more of this Belfast-Leicester trips". I mentioned it ever so casually when the man suddenly went to silence. He kept saying Alhamdulillah to himself and only then I realised what was happening

He was crying. This man, this taxi man, this complete stranger, he was weeping in front of me.

"I remember you very well. I remember you around Christmas time (about 6 months ago) when I picked you up from from the bus station. You told me that you just got back from seeing your husband in Belfast. He studies medicine too, right? So you told me how you two have been flying back and forth Belfast-Leicester for many years, and you were hoping that he'd get a job in Leicester because he'll finish earlier than you. You asked me to make dua for you. And I remember, because I specifically made dua, Oh Allah, please bring this couple together. I made that dua specifically for you two. And look, He's granted my dua, in this holy month of Ramadhan. I'm just at lost of words.  He granted my dua. Alhamdulillah."

So this complete stranger, whom I just met once, whose only connected to me in the name of Allah, in the brotherhood of Islam, made a dua to Adam and I, just because I asked him to.

Of course I cried too. It was too emotional. Who would've known I would take his taxi 6 months later and deliver the good news to him myself? That his dua has been granted?

He then added, "That's why The Prophet pbuh said, when you meet another brother/sister, ask them to make dua for you. You don't know whose dua is being granted. Subhanallah."

Alhamdulillah.

So here I am, thanking whoever's reading this, for the duas that you guys have made, for every kind words that you guys have said, either to yourself or in the comment box. Thank you. May Allah grant us Jannah, inshaAllah.

And if you guys can spare 20 seconds to make dua for this taxi man, his name is Amir from Algeria, that Allah bestows him goodness in life inshaAllah, I would be most grateful.

Pray. Make duas. You never know whose dua is being granted.

Nude heels.

I've been on the lookout for a pair of nude heels for a very long time, but couldn't really justify myself for getting one. One, I'll only probably wear them very occasionally (although admittedly for someone as selekeh as me, I can last quite long in them). Two, I kinda swore off them after high school (I used to live in heels and wedges and not know how to walk in flats).

Only that who can resist a pair of nude heels? They're a must in a girl's wardrobe (or shoe rack). So I thought, since I'm going somewhere nice and (kinda) dressy next month, I might as well jump into it. Get that darn nude heels I've always been wanting to get.

Went through a few online sites.. Keeping the tabs of 'potential' shoes.. Only to realise that most of them are peep-toes that I'm looking at. And you know, peep-toes are pretty. They last forever. They never age, especially the nude ones.

Bringin' on that femme fatale, rawr.

And admittedly I like peep-toe heels better than the pump ones. They are just too.. Pretty. Sigh.

But peep-toes are peep-toes, they have a peek into your toes. And I'm not sure I want to go down that route. In fact in all honesty, this whole killer heels business make me think twice if not already many times. They, urm, expose the upper part of your feet. Which is, urm, you know, aurat. And killer heels ain't deadly with stockings. Peep-toe heels, on the other hand, is a major turn-off with stockings.

I'll go for less deadly that a turn-off anytime, thank you.

It makes me think, the struggle is real. For many years I struggle with my clothes. It was really hard for me to start looking at size 12 tops when my true size is actually 6-8. Used to them now, Alhamdulillah. In fact they feel pretty good (and airy too). Then came the next struggle, loose and long tops to cover the backside. Convincing myself that I don't look like a walking potato sack.. Why is it that when I wear them I look funny, but others seem to be very modest and well, sejuk mata memandang?

Anyways, no peep-toes for me then. 

Pilih, nak struggle sekarang ke, struggle kat sana?

No ifs, ands, or buts.

Let's talk psychiatry for a bit, my favourite subject. And no I'm not being sarcastic since I'm known to dislike a lot of things in Medicine. Dislike is a strong word though, let's just say there are a lot of things that I'm not too passionate about in Medicine.

In psychiatry, there's this one questionnaire called Mini Mental State Examination (MMSE). It's used to assess one's cognition, ie one's mental capabilities in processing things including memory, problem-solving, language and some others. 

One of the tasks in this questionnaire is to ask patient to repeat this sentence;

"No ifs, ands, or buts."

I never really had a thought on it. Then one day I was telling Adam that I made a mental note to myself that I will try to limit myself from using the word 'but' in daily conversation, including text messages. He later added that Umi (my mil) used to have a similar rule in the house, just that she urged the kids not to use the word 'if' too often.

And then this sentence in MMSE came to my mind. Of course, there's the word 'and'. Unfortunately I'll probably get nowhere if you take away the 'ands' in my life.

Why no 'buts'? Here's the thing. I know a friend in college who was very negative about things. She saw everything at its worst, there was always something not quite right somewhere. Always. Her reasoning was simple, she'd rather not expect the good in things only to be let down by them. It's kinda like expecting the weather to be raining cats and dogs with snow and hails, then it turned out the sky was only grey with a minus temperature. Nothing like the horrible rain, so it made her feel better, even slightly.

Honestly it was unfathomable to me. Still, I respected that.

Then I happen to know another friend who holds a pretty similar view of life. She always adds "but then.." to almost every statement that comes out from her mouth (or mine). Oh, there's four days off, but then.. It's pretty sunny outside, but then..

It tires me out.

I try not to dwell on negative things too much. So a consultant gave me a judgmental smirk when I failed to catch a murmur in clinic. Okay. Death glares as I found myself not knowing basic things? Okay. I'll take that. Looking stupid in front of patients? Come on we've all been there.

Not answering 'conversion to open procedure' as a risk in a laparoscopic cholecystectomy? Hah, that got me there for a bit. Still, what to do.. Laughed it off and moved on.

If I were to be veeery honest/true to myself/everyone reading this, I shall say I hate negativity with every inch of contracting muscle in my body. There I said it. Then I realise hate is a veeery negative word, and it wears me down. So no, I don't hate it, I'd just rather not be around it.

Some ask how can I be positive about things.

My strongest reasoning is.. Him. Contentment in His decree. There must be reasons why things happen - good or bad. I like this one statement, and I find it soothing as it is in Malay, so I'll tell myself many times - "Orang beriman ni, benda baik dia bersyukur, benda kurang baik pun dia bersyukur." When something unpleasant hits me, I remind myself, there are more things to be grateful for than to dwell on the bad things. Bersangka baik dengan Allah. Doesn't mean I'm not sad, in fact I sometimes take it reeeally hard that I cry every now and then out of the blue. At the same time I remind myself that this isn't the worst. I'm still alive, still sane, still believing with every little reasoning I have left, and that itself is a blessing.

To be consciously grateful. To have unfaltering belief towards Him. Percaya dengan yakin, is that not what iman means? So I try to remind myself that whatever happens, it's with His will. And to believe that there's a higher power watching over us, looking after us, that's faith. It's the certainty that soothes me. The certainty of knowing that there's Him in every step I take. And when it gets reeeally tough/hard and I find myself questioning 'why', I try to take a step back and remind myself the reason I am here in the first place. Why am I still breathing today? Remind myself of the purpose of life.

When I was sooo stressed preparing for exams, I took a step back every now and then to remind myself, that it was all temporary. Dunia je ni. While I was freaking out with exams, there were lives taken away in Syria. There were innocent souls killed in Palestine. And there I was stressing my brain out for exam?

Indeed, from Him we came and to Him we shall return.

This keeps me going. Apalah sangat dunia ni kalau nak compare dengan akhirat sana.

Doesn't mean we don't have to work hard in this life, it means that whatever we do, do with a conscious awareness that this is all for the afterlife. For akhirat.

Hence, whenever good things happen, Alhamdulillah. He's chosen to grant us with His blessings, and with that come further responsibility in improving ourselves and bring ourselves nearer to Him. Whenever something unpleasant happens, say Alhamdulillah too, there are far too many great things to be grateful for in this life. There must be reasons why things happen, as He let them happen.

Now now I think I lost myself somewhere between the 'buts' and 'ifs'. Typical me, not surprised. (rolls eyes to myself although I'm not entirely sure how)

I guess my whole point is try to focus on positive things and not ram everything with a 'but'? It's like going to a battlefield. If you're going into a war believing that you're going to win, chances is you will win. And there's this highest power in every air you breathe, doa is your biggest secret weapon, percaya dengan yakin, kan?

Alhamdulillah, I am officially a final year medic as of yesterday. Many thanks to kind prayers and words from everyone. If anything, I sincerely hope this brings me closer to Him, inshaAllah.

Bigger things.

In the midst of the stressful days towards the IPE, I just have to remind myself, that there are bigger things other than just passing an exam.

"Hai jiwa yang tenang,

Kembalilah kepada Tuhanmu dengan hati yang puas lagi diredhai-Nya."

- Al Fajr

Breathe.

My GP once told me,

"So you had a bad consultation with one patient. But as soon as the patient walked out the door, you have a very important thing to do - housekeeping. Keep your mind and emotion in check. Take a deep breath, and remember, whoever comes in next, is a new patient. They don't know what happened in the last consultation, they don't know if you messed up with your diagnosis or management plan. They are new to you as you are to them, but only if you do your housekeeping."

Breathe. It's just a bad day, not a bad life.

Happiness is knowing that Allah loves me more than my mom does.

We all need a little reminder every now and then about life and its purpose. So when a friend sent me a link to this video, I cried a little inside. I know the words by heart, but most of the times they are just mere words. It's when I truly stop and listen only then I can really feel it. 

"Happiness is knowing that Allah loves me more than my mom does." - IS, 2013

Enough.

It's when you're alone that you start to ponder on life and all its blessings. A speck of dust. That's what we are, really. My first time back in Malaysia since earning the title 'wife' and I'm not sure if I really like it. Though I would say I'm doing pretty well.

Life is a blessing. Everytime (most of the times?) after prayer in my duas, I'd try to say it first - Thank you Allah, rather than jumping straight to 'Kau berilah sekian sekian..' There's nothing wrong with that, really. But I just feel that when I start it with counting my blessings, it makes me realise how much I've got. Cukup. Be enough. Contented. Isn't that what matters most?

I've been down with fever since day one of arriving KL. Still am. The last time I checked, I still have the temperature. Jujurnya, jauh dengan husband for the first time added with the fever is not what I expect from being home. And thanks to jetlag, but I've been waking up at 4am and I'm pretty sure that my feverish state doesn't agree to this. But I have enough. For the first time after so long.. We get to be all seven in the family. Now how often can I say that? That there are seven of us in the family in one place.

I have enough.

I talked to Ayah about things that I couldn't tell anyone, and he listened. And I realised how our mind are still very much alike, how he has the same thought as mine.. Now how many people can say that? That their father is their friend who listens to their thoughts.

I have enough.

Then my exam results came out in the email.

I definitely have enough.

Yesterday I went out with my mom in law, just following her around doing chores. Now how many people can say that? To have a date with your mom in law without the husband. To meet the in laws without the husband and actually looking forward to it, without a tiny fear of awkwardness. 

I have enough.

And we talked about how life brought us to where we are now.. About how things are going.. It makes me realise. I have more than enough. My life is not perfect at where it is now, but I'm grateful. I am more than happy. There are bumpy rides every now and then but it gets me back on track. And if that's what keeping me on the ground, then be it.

Everyone has their own struggles. One of mine is to feel enough. To be enough.

Kena.

Some random thought of the day --

What if for every blessing that Allah gives us, it comes with a test as well?

Macam mana kalau setiap nikmat yang Allah bagi, Dia bagi dengan ujian sekali?

Alhamdulillah. I'm home. Home as if, home.

For all that's been happening, Alhamdulillah. I thank Allah. 

And thank you for everyone's dua, directly, or indirectly. 

For you people reading this, thank you.

Semoga dengan setiap ujian Allah yang kita kena, 

kita ingat nikmat Allah yang selama ini tak pernah kita kira.

For I cannot weaken if You are with me.

"Send me a light and a lantern to guide me

This world weary traveller is yearning for hope."

Heartsong, Talib Al-Habib

To a better us.

At the age of 23 where wisdom is scarce and vainglory is too common, I have the most wonderful husband anyone could ever ask for. 

Speaking of, we’ve hit that one-year mark of our marriage! A milestone that is. Alhamdulillah!

Three years of courtship plus one year of marriage, and I’m still crazy over this man. Talk about head over heels craziness. He still gives me butterflies, as much as he gives me headaches, of course. 

Last time whenever we hit that anniversary or monthly countdown (yes, I used to count each passing month), a sense of pride and achievement bloomed over me. Look how far we’ve got! Pseesh, how naïve I was. 

This time, I had quite a reflection of where I am now. 

One year and I’m not entirely sure of what I have achieved. 

I’m still not a good wife, far from perfect. My ego is still mountain high. I don’t think my humility has by any means grown over the past one year. I’m still struggling with my own definition of modesty. I’m still forever contemplating if I should style my scarf the way I really should, or the way I want it to be. I still cry to sleep some nights because I don’t know how to share my feelings in words like a normal human does. Worst of all, I still have McDonalds. 

One year, and I’m still here. 

On a brighter note, one year, and I’ve only had four McDonalds. Soo.. Err.. Yeay? 

Life is a constant struggle --

I have to admit; I once thought that marriage would make me a better person. I couldn’t be more wrong. 

Being married motivates me to be better, but it doesn’t change me per se. 

You choose to be better. You choose to change. The “Aku terima nikahnya..” wouldn’t mean a thing if you didn’t intent to make it something. 

For instance, to wear scarf in front of my in laws. I had this conversation with a friend once, about how hard it is, especially when no one in the family does it. I remember telling Adam how I wanted to do it because I didn’t want to start being comfortable with not covering myself like how I am with my cousins now. I couldn’t bring myself to wear scarf in front of them because I’m too used to not to. 

How ironic that I am stressing over covering myself in front of my in laws, when I still go out to hang the clothes or get the mails or even open the gate, with my hair exposed. 

Good thing is, I now contemplate when it comes to wearing scarf and covering myself properly. Never mind the relapse, contemplating is already something! Success rate, that’s a different story. Baby steps, people, baby steps. 

One year. 

Each passing day is a bliss, each passing moment (whether or not we annoy each other) is a gift. To a better us ---

I love you husband. 

Cut the rope.

Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah mengulang-ulangi bagi manusia dalam Al Qur’an ini bermacam-macam perumpamaan. Dan manusia adalah makhluk yang paling banyak membantah.

[Al Kahf: 54]

Dan manusia adalah makhluk yang paling banyak membantah.

A heart to fix.

It's that moment again. I'm slumped.

Meanwhile I'll leave you with this beautiful zikr, while I'm busy fixing my heart.

"Those who believe, and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. 

[Ar-Ra'd: 28]

Death news.

Lately I received quite a number of death news. Not very pleasant considering I'm pretty sick myself. But at times like this, things had me thinking,

I thought I have an issue - been sick for over a month with no apparent reason, even the doctor couldn't really tell what's going on. But apparently there are people out there with a much bigger issue - death.

Losing someone dear isn't easy, and I won't say I know how it feels. I don't. Despite having lost arwah Tok Wan long ago, I'm not convinced that we all deal with death the same way. Plus, I was young when I had to go through it, somewhere in my primary school. To receive the news at this age might not be the same.

I'm not good at comforting people, that I have to admit. I fail even more miserably when it comes to telling people what they want to hear. I'm not good at expressing myself upfront either. I don't know how to tell people how deeply saddened I am by the news. But secretly, silently, insha Allah, you know my prayer is there, all the way.

To KN who recently lost his Ibu, rezeki Allah ada kat mana-mana. Tinggal kita nak usaha and doa je. I won't tell you to be strong, for I know you are, you have always been. There are things that can never tell you in person, but please know how greatly I look up to you, how sincerely I care, even if it's in my own way that I can never tell.

To Kak Hana who recently lost her Mok, if cherishing the moments is what works, then keep cherishing. The sixth pillar of Iman - Belief in the predestination by Allah of all things, both the (seemingly) good and the (seemingly) bad. Maybe that's what they meant when they say it's bad to cry for the deceased, we don't know.

To Abil who recently lost her grandfather, keep praying. I certainly don't know how things are at the moment, but never stop praying, it's the only thing we have. Kalau itu je yang kita mampu buat, then itu lah yang kita buat.

I remember this one prayer I posted long ago, a prayer while doing Tawaf.

Doa Tawaf pusingan ke-4 

"...Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, jadikanlah diriku berpuas hati dengan pemberian yang Engkau kurniakan kepadaku, berkatilah apa yang Engkau anugerahkan kepadaku dan gantikanlah apa yang hilang daripadaku dengan apa yang lebih baik daripada Engkau."

People, please, spare a moment to include them in your prayers. May Allah bless.

Derma pakcik buta dan sekolah agama.

During my childhood years in Terengganu, we siblings always tried not to make Umi cook on Wednesdays because we then got to go to pasar malam and buy our own food, especially coconut shakes. And everytime I went to pasar there would always be people minta sedekah in between the stalls.

I remember telling Ayah that I wanted to spare RM5 in small change everytime I go to pasar malam just for these people. I just didn't have the heart to walk pass through them and pretend not seeing anything. Back then I was about 10 years old.

But that was then.

Now whenever people approach me for some derma or sedekah, I always do the script "Takpelah" while angkat tangan, another way of shoo-ing them. I become somewhat sceptical of these people. There's this one makan place that I love down the road near PV8, but everytime we went there to eat, there would always be people asking for derma. Kids, makciks, blind pakciks etc. The end result, I would do the shoo-ing gesture without even listening to their explanations whatnot. How can I not be sceptical when all I heard was the same script "Kami dari sekolah agama... Mintak derma... Kebajikan..." over and over again? Or the same blind pakcik selling tissue with a lady beside him?

Now that I think of it.. How I've changed from someone with such a big heart (at least I thought so) to someone full of syak wasangka (woha, the word!) Back then RM5 was a huge amount for a small kid in such a kampung place, yet I wouldn't mind spending for the needy. But now? Even seringgit pun payah.

We can blame on how the society is shaped to begin with, like how today there are so many scams trying to drain our money in every way possible, unlike those days when the poor ones are really poor. But we can also choose to be  positive and keep our virtues.

Who am I to question the validity of the surat derma minta sedekah to build a madrasah whatnot? Or to do a health check up if the pakcik is really blind? Jangan cakap pasal check validity surat lah, nak tengok baca pun tak. 

Even kalau dorang tipu pun, it's not my problem. It's the niat that matters. InshaAllah He knows better.

What a shame.

Matlamat.

Here's a little secret.

I am always in doubt with myself.

There you go, now it's not a secret anymore.

Looking back, however, I know I've come to one of those points in life where I'm very sure of what I want.

I remember the conversation with Ayah when I was in Miri. He kept on saying this thing about "matlamat". Ayah and his matlamat are just inseparable. He's a firm believer that one should have his/her own goal(s) in this life.

He was going about having goals and achieving them, when I am (perhaps) more of a carefree person. Life happens before we know it. There are things we can plan. But honestly I haven't even figured out the outline of my future. Getting a degree, working for how many years before buying my own house/car, at what age to get married, after how many married years do I want to start having kids, what kind of house do I want to live in, how long do I want to work before reaching the next level/hierarchy in my field of work, etc. Heck, I'm not even sure if I want to continue in my current field!

But for now, there is one thing that I am very sure of.

Him.

He is my matlamat.

And that left Ayah smiling, in admiration. (kinda)

Life seems so perfect I can hardly put it in words.

Alhamdullillah.

Keep calm and just keep swimming.

Here come the moments of fragility and emotional turbulence.

And the tears come streaming down your face.

"Hidup memang untuk bekerja. Kalau nak rehat lama lama kat kubur nanti." - Ayah

Salam.

A very observant person I am, (not to mention grammar nazi) I can't help but notice it when people type their reply to salam. Not wasalam, wslm, or salam. It's the full reply, waalaikumussalam.

Sebab apa yang orang type, itu yang biasanya orang tu akan pronounce, kan?

Waalaikumussalam. That's how I usually type mine. But what I usually see is waalaikumsalam. Notice the difference?

1. Waalaikumussalam

2. Waalaikumsalam

I remember my ustaz in sekolah rendah correcting me regarding this. I too, used to be very ignorant and semua benda pun nak cepat, nak lekeh je. It's just a syllable, after all. He corrected me two things, my salam and my doa iftitah.

The right way of

Salam: Waalaikumussalam

Doa Iftitah: Allahu akbaru kabirawwalhamdulillah.. (I used to silent the u)

Tapi mana tau sekarang dah tua tua ni otak dah berkarat, I could be recalling the wrong stuff. Mungkin selama ni jawab salam tak betul. So I did some little research on the salam part. Found some articles and disputes which one it should be. Mostly say it should be the former (1). But let's go back to the basic, the Arabic letters themselves.

So it's waalaikumussalam then.

Wallahualam.

Tudung bawal putih.

Tadi keluar Clinical Library pukul 10 lebih, lalu dalam Royal Infirmary untuk balik rumah. Main entrance biasa dah tutup, so kena naik tingkat 1 keluar ikut A&E untuk keluar dari bangunan hospital.

Tiba tiba ada pakcik tua ni tegur, cakap, "Out? Out?" sambil tangan goyang sana sini bagi isyarat nak keluar.

Pakcik tu pakai jubah kelabu, pakai kopiah putih, ada janggut and misai putih. Tak tinggi sangat, tipikal Asian. Kat dahi dia ada tanda gelap. Kalau ikut stereotype kepala otak ni, orang pakai jubah, kopiah, ada janggut and ada tanda kat dahi tu mesti kuat solat. Sebab sujud lama. So maybe.

Lepas tu ajak pakcik tu ikut sekali pergi jalan keluar hospital. Bila dah sampai depan exit keluar bangunan hospital, pakcik tu senyum, excited habis jumpa jalan keluar. Dia tengok atas bawah lama lama, lepas tu buat isyarat bagus, thumbs up, sambil senyum lebar.

And dia point dekat my tudung sambil senyum and buat thumbs up lagi, as if nak cakap, it's a good thing that I'm covered up.

Terus tengok diri sendiri.

Tudung, check. Tapi tudung bawal, warna putih. And tak pakai scarf sebab rambut tak cukup kering time tu, so rambut clip loose macam tu je, and of course terkeluar sikit sikit kat muka. Bayang rambut, takpayah cakap. Confirm nampak.

Baju, well, cardigan labuh, so, checked. Tapi cardigan tak butang pun. Kat dalam pakai baby tee,  obviously agak fit. Tudung pulak selempang belakang. Sooo.....

Seluar okay kot. Khakis. Tapi baru malam ni pakai khakis tu. Kalau tak biasanya dengan jeans je, which is, again, fit.

Selipar, flip flop. Selipar jepun. Literally macm selipar tandas tu.

Galas backpack, telinga tersumbat dengan earphone, lengan cardigan sinsing sampai siku. Jalan balik dari library.

Completely incomplete.

Lepas tu nak claim tutup aurat just sebab pakai tudung?