Monday, March 30, 2009

fenomena 'dalam'biasa di kmB.

the world does not revolve around you.

kmB does.

i've been watching and observing people for these past few days.

mereka sangat sibuk. sangat banyak urusan2 duniawi yg perlu diselesaikan.

sy pun sibuk jugak. atau mungkin buat2 sibuk. atau mungkin jugak sibuk yg dibuat2.

paling jelas dan terang lagi tak payah nak suluh:

1. semangat EDI. sy terpaksa tunggu kawan sy meeting EDI sampai pukul 6.30 ptg untuk dinner sama2 sebab lauk ayam goreng kt DS.

2. ramai kawan-kawin sy dah tau siapakah gerangan pen pal mereka. sgt megujakan. tp bukan sy. pakcik anonymous akan kekal begitu sehingga revelation day. harap2nya.

3. standardized chem test baru habis. dan sy confirm sah2 hilang markah kat soalan last, [4markah tu]- example of heterogeneous catalyst and the reaction. cikgu, bukankah ini topic test KINETICS??

4. DS asing kaunter kanak2 tahun1 dan tahun2. rasionalnya? menu kami berbeza. diskriminasi.

5. eco green project tangguh lagi. sy harap kerajaan batalkan terus benda alah itu. banyak sangat alasan.

6. glamorous retro night kat blok e hujung minggu ini. semua orang sibuk2 cari baju polka dots and stripes??

7. sabtu ni pergi bukit cerakah, shah alam. bawak kanak2 pdk. bosan. sangat bosan.

8. group 4 project kami pasal spa fish. maka secara manualnya, kami akan ke sampuoton spa di petaling jaya dan melaburkan wang dengan sgt banyak pada hari ahad ini. nasib baik sy memang sangat suka spa.

9. esok cas. pdk kajang. dan saya semakin tidak menyukai aktiviti external cas ini, kecuali atas alasan tak payah masuk kelas.

self evaluation: i'm losing my sense of humour. i'm becoming bitchier each day. i talk less in my room. i'm getting more and more selfish. i feel sick of the people around me and all their fake smiles. [how do i know if they are fake?] in short, i'm turning into a freak. total freak.

"ignorance is a bliss"

dia sangat jerK.

you idiot perasanbagustaktaumalubajethot.
you know i'm usually not this berkire when it comes to money.
but when it comes to you, every single thing counts.
so, i want my 50 bucks back!!
[if there is one person in kmB that i can chop into pieces, or even better,
put arsenic in his food so that i could watch him die slowly in excruciating pain,
and bleed to death, the person would be truly madly deeply YOU]

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

she betrayed me. yes, it's a SHE.

dear you.

we both know that i cannot say this right to your face. i don't have the strength. it's because i love you too much. i don't want you to be hurt. i don't want you to feel bad. i don't want you to feel awkward.

we both know that something is there, but it is unspoken. you owe me a explanation, obviously. but i don't need it. i was hurt enough by your act, and i don't think i can take any more from your words.

we both know what exactly was going on, and yet, you still did it. you did the most unacceptable thing that i could never think of. you made it like it was nothing. i'm not putting all the blame on you. but in a way, i think you should know me better.

we both know that i care about you. and i love you. and we share things that we will never share with others. and the fact that you really mean a lot to me.

but just in case you don't know, i am deeply hurt by what you did. you were the last person on my mind that could ever do such thing. but you proved to me that i was wrong. i may forgive you. but i will never forget what happened. and sorry dearie. i don't trust you. not anymore. you don't deserve it anyway.

thanks for finally showing your true colours.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

the girl who can't be moved.

the voice within: bella, can you please get your butt off the bed,

and start packing??

and keep your baby lappie out of sight, please??

bella: i need a pusher.. [in the most pathetic tone ever]


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

these tears will dry on their own.


saya dah bosan ngan awak.
sket2 gado.
pastu majop.
pastu pujok.
then gado balik.
awak tawu tak???


jangan call saya lagi.


[walopon saya tawu awak memang xkan baca post ni..]

[sebab awak cakap blogger xde life. mengarott sume.]


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

don't be so gelabah

cuti salah.
tak cuti lagi la salah.
kalau tak cuti, semua bising. kecoh2, bila lah nak start cuti. lepas tu siap ada yg kononnya dah xboleh nak concentrate belajar sebab lama sangat xbalik. saturated la katekan. dah xboleh masuk dah! i need a break- cewaahhh. test math susah. dah blank. lepas test math kne unwind. balik la maknanya. skali habis test math, heaven. dah xboleh fikir pasal bende lain lg. rumah je!
kalau cuti, bising jugak. bising sebab bosan. sibuk2 cakap duduk rumah xtau nak buat apa. lepas tu, mulalah buat public statement. hari ni bosan la. life is soo boringg la. post kat mana2 yang boleh post. friendster. myspace. facebook. ym. blog pon post jugakk. nasib baik xboleh kasik kat posmen jep. kalau tak, habis semua encik2 posmen xbuat kerja. sebab BOSAN. padahal homework melambak. lepas cuti ada test stats, chem, bio.. tapi semua buat derrkk je. ada jugak yg siap plan, nak keluar, tgk wayang ke, shopping ke. yg ni boleh dimaafkan lagi. sebab kmB mmg tadak wayang, dan xboleh nak shopping. tapi kalau dah plan nak main futsal kat mana tuh, apa kisah? macam la kmB xde court futsal. walhal hari2 boleh turun main. yang main dota pon satu hal. kmb sikit punya gempak dota, kat luar pon nak men-dota jugakk? haish, nak buat mcm mana. duduk rumah tersangat la bosan!
tapi rakan2, jangan gelabah.
ini fenomena yg teramat sangatlah biasa bagi pelajar2 kolej.
termasuk saya.
kerana itulah anda sedang membaca entry ini.
harap makngah.
[kebosanan kemelampauan kemelandaan]

Sunday, March 15, 2009

we take turn to fly, because someone has to sit and watch and wave goodbye.

i've been stalking around some blogs, and finally came up with a conclusion.

SPM 2008 is quite a something.

nope, i'm done with school. completely. [IB world school is an exception to the rule]. and i couldn't care less about the spm results. go ask around? sorry, just not me. i still remember, i once referred those white pieces of paper as reSLUTS.

oukayh. i was young. and mean.
[i'm not getting any older, so i'm still mean]

but what is actually going on nowadays? students are after s0-many-A's-i-can't-remember-the-subjects. what are those A's for? what exactly these superduperextremelygeniuswithhugesupermassivebrains want to prove?

not long after the results were out, i received a text message. it's from a junior.

"k.bella,bleh bg tips cmne nak g interview x?"
"mak aihh. smgt gile. result baru kua. lepak r lu. lau kne pggil bru tny kot."
[sorry, i couldn't bother to ask about the results]
"xde la. ingt nak amek IB gk. sbb tu tny k'bella:)"
[nothing to display]

sorry honey, i'll text you later k. [disgusted already]



dear superduperextremelygeniuswithhugesupermassivebrains out there, do you guys have any idea on what IB is? or what exactly IB is offering? and even worse, do you guys ever consider about the economy crisis that has been an issue all this time? well, if you don't, then let US [the IB-ans, specifically at MCB] tell you. we are more than worried about the flying stuff. hell worried. worried sick. we still have another 2 semesters [that is equivalent to one extremely vigorous year] before we finally FLY. [i emphasize on the word FLY because that's just THE WORD]. and yet, we are already worried if the gov run out of money and stop our scholarship and send us to local universities.

and you guys are thinking of going abroad???

take a break.

let us FLY first. safely. soundly.
[minus any brain injuries that most probably will occur during our 2 years stay].

but still.

kudos for all the extremelyexcellentreSLUTSachievers.
[i'm still young. am i?]

*emotionally-driven entry.mid IB maths test syndrome.whatever it is*

anyone else but YOU

Your part time lover and a full time friend,
The monkey on the back is the latest trend,
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you
Here is a church and here is a steeple,
We sure are cute for two ugly people,
Don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you
We both have shiny happy fits of rage,
I want more fans, you want more stage,
Don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you
I'm always tryin to keep it real,
Now I'm in love with how you feel,
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you
I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of the train,
I kiss you all starry eyed,
My body swings from side to side,
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you
The pebbles forgive me,
The trees forgive me,
So why can't,
You forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you
for some unknown reasons, i'm in love with this song:)

Saturday, March 14, 2009

where art thou?

i miss brunei. still.

i miss the food. the delegates. the hot debates. the pickup lines-[forum 1 delegates should understand this:]

yet, now i'm home.

yeah, home. which home? let's just call it as a home. for it has always been one [i'm crapping, obviously]

and for me, home doesn't mean family. not anymore. neither mom's cooking. not even close.


1. house chores- including sweeping the floor and cleaning the toilets [yes, it's toilet with an S]

2. trying hard to find something to eat, or die starving

3. locking myself in the room with mr. lappy

4. letting the idiot box stare at me- literally

5. swimming in the bed til drowned, for there's no point of getting up

6. taking care of the laundry- i miss makcik dobi!!

7. do nothing.

i guess i'm still in the air. day dreaming. wishing that my family would be there when i'm home.

i feel so unloved.

love is a four letter word printed on a goggles shirt