Kalau boleh kawen dengan dia, dah lama kita kawen dengan dia tau. Bukan sebab perasaan cinta atau apa, tapi sebab dia kenal kita inside out, and kitorang sangat comfortable in everything.
Masalahnya tak boleh kawen.
I'm not too sure how we really clicked in the first place. I think we had some sort of misunderstanding, where people kinda thought we were actually in cold war. Of course, the power of gossips were proven to be very strong that time, because I had this uneasy feeling whenever I saw her. Until one day she invited me to have her Secret Recipe Carrot Cake her brother bought for her birthday. Being an innocent passerby, I just went downstairs joining the crowd (and be awkward).
Why do I stress on the Secret Recipe Carrot Cake? Because the cake never failed to remind me of her every time I see it. Until now. And that's one of the most significant memories of her that I have.
We are two very different things. She once said, kawan3 kau semua pun lain dengan kau, kan? True. In fact the same goes to my other half. As for her, she's very clingy, the type you can't leave alone to survive. Me on the other hand, enjoy solitude. I appreciate my time alone, especially when I can be very independent and do things on my own. Which is so not her.
But with her, I don't mind. In fact, I like it when she asks me to be around, to come with her, etc. And yes, all our wall posts, comments on Facebook aren't made up. I've grown used to it. And loving it. When people say can't we just be normal, without the geli3-ish words yayang yayang thingy, well, that's normal to us.
And I love it when people acknowledge us. Thee was one time a friend was asking about her, and his words were "Kau pegi dengan sape? Yayang kau?"
LOL. Yayang siap. Sometimes I do wonder what people think when they read our conversation. But heck with that.
Not sure about others, but to me, there are different kinds of friends in my life. The one you update daily, the one who you haven't met in more than a year, but once you see each other again, you can spill everything like water, the one who can give you countering facts and cold hard truths (which you can't be with all the time, else you get annoyed), the one who can listen and don't give a damn, just listen, the one who you can go out and have a cup of teh tarik lepak mamak randomly without plans, and such.
Well, she's the one I update daily. Sometimes when I have some random things in mind, like a song lyric or something, I'll just text her. Kadang3 kejut subuh lah, wish good morning lah. Walhal dah tau pun dia takde kredit nak reply. Tapi suka je? She's my partner in being random. In my planning. In my everything.
We made promises (kinda) that if we get married (to different men of course), we will still have our place to run to kalau merajuk dengan husband masing3. Kalau dalam drama Melayu cakap "Awak hantar saya balik rumah mak saya!", we would say "Awak hantar saya balik rumah best friend saya!" LOL.
She is, in fact, a place to run to. A safe place. A home.
To one extent I don't know what I'll be doing without her. Tak pernah lagi terfikir boleh sayang kawan macam tu, but true, she makes me think that I want to see her in the hereafter. Boleh tak? KAWAN tu. Siap doa boleh jumpa dalam syurga lagi.
Happy 20th Birthday Izleen. I love you.