First it was a pure randomness, then it sounds like a eulogy.

Seven minutes back I was in my bed, tossing around couldn’t bring myself to sleep. And sadly I’ve grown to develop a habit while I’m in Miri, a bad one – rubbing my eyes like crazy before going to sleep. I guess the pedih3 sensation I feel after rubbing my eyes made me shut them for a long time, at least long enough to make me doze off.

It’s been over a week I’m in Miri, and I still can’t find one single achievement to be proud of. The modus operandi is very simple, perhaps that’s why nothing big happened so far.

04:30     Waking up to find sahur already served on the table. Terus menonong duduk menghadap makanan mata separuh terbukak.

04:55     Naik atas, amik air sembahyang, bertafakur atas sejadah sambil lentok habis kat katil tunggu Subuh. Agak3 masuk je Subuh pukul 5.10, terus solat laju3 sebab kepala otak dah kat katil. Dengan aircon lagi. Fuh mengundang gila.

11:00     Yes, 11-freaking-AM.  Dah bangun, tengok kiri kanan, tarik selimut, bukak iPod main Mega Jump 4-5 round, pukul 12 baru pegi mandi. NO I DON'T DO THIS BACK IN PV8.

12:30     Siap turun bawah baru tengok matahari. Bukak TV, mengadap Wanita Hari Ini (dah tu je yang ada)

13:30     Ummi comes home with Adam. Yes, OUR Adam. Bermulalah episod annoying bersama Adam. Lazing around, guling3 golek3 atas sofa depan TV, baca novel. Me and Adam annoying each other. 12-year gap is never easy, I tell you.

18:10     Ummi panggil tolong kat dapur. Soalan lazim; “Kalau taknak, boleh?” Pemalas tak hengat.

18:40     Berbuka.

19:30     Maghrib, bertafakur dengan iPod atas sejadah tunggu Isyak and tarawih.

21:00     Tercangak depan TV. Tengok lah mana3 drama yang ada. Sampai lebam.

12:00     Go upstairs in my room. Read novel.

01:00     Trying hard to sleep.

01:30     Still trying.

01:something    Dozed off.

With this kind of routine, how to accomplish something? Ummi has been asking what exactly I want to do, belajar memasak, buat biskut raya, menjahit. Say it. I would go like, err, PERLU KE?

Then I realize, I define home by having a family, and food served on the table when it’s time. Ini tak, back in PV8 everything has to be done on my own.

But still, I miss PV8. And my housemate. The fact that we don’t get to see each other much during weekdays, and he likes to bring his friends over doesn’t really bother me.

Then again, it struck me. When I’m in KL, back at PV8, I would long for a home, a family. When I’m here in Miri with my parents, I miss PV8 so badly.

Hoih, manusia memang tak pandai bersyukur kan?

On the other note, I can smell that someone is now awfully in love. Well, is it even love? Hopefully. Reminds me to one time when I said, “Just because you haven’t been through it, don’t simply say you won’t. Or you will never. It’s just NOT YET.” Or something like that.

Well, what’s my point? I forgot. Or perhaps I don’t even have a point in the first place.

A random note; today we had a berbuka feast at Eastwood Valley, Miri. It’s a golf country club. Best? The food was okay, I enjoyed lamb the most. Pictures? No thanks. I didn’t bring my 550D with me, so I only had iPod. And you know how iPod images are under low lights. Arrr.

And my flight home (wherever that is, blergh) will be on Sunday. Then it’s normal life. Waking up at 5, preparing for sahur (whatever it is), and idle days in front of the laptop wasting time waiting for berbuka.

Another not so random note, I miss someone. Been thinking about us lately, for some unknown reasons. And for that, free free je dapat consultation from Izleen. Why do I like to complicate things? Sigh.

And I went blog-hopping just now, stalking people randomly. Saw this one entry about Facebook. Something about stalking on Facebook and hurting ourselves once we found out some nasty things going on. But still, we keep on stalking. OMG so true! Happened to me before, happening now, going to happen again.

Manusia MEMANG tak serik3 kan?

So lesson learnt, duk diam3. Takyah nak Facebook sangatlah. Duhh. What a lesson, tak effective langsung.

I hate the fact that I already know my flight date to UK. Though it’s yet to be confirmed, still.. I feel so out of place! Ugh. And it reminds me to the fact that I haven’t get anything done. Stuff to bring, I mean. Ada siapa3 nak tolong packing untuk kita tak? (nada gedik mengada3 ala3 Fynn Jamal wadde?)

I’m typing this entry on a Word document, it’s only 2 pages long. I’m determined to make it 3! God Bella, stop it, go to bed. Else you’ll wake up at 12 tomorrow and it’s Saturday, Ayah and Ummi will be home, and you know how Ayah doesn’t fancy orang bangun lambat. Satgi dia beletiaq. Yes, one fact, Ayah once said, if you want to find the right guy, find someone who can wake up for Subuh himself, without having to be waken up by someone else. If his Subuh is well taken care, inshaAllah the rest will fall into places.

Problem is, my own Subuh pun kadang3 tunggang langgang. Lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik. Uhhh T_T

Okay now when is this line going to reach the third page? Gahhh.

Last for tonight, there's a moment when I feel that I'm truly blessed for this life I have. I am surrounded by awesome people I care, and it's mutual.

Then there's a moment when I feel very very lonely, when I think of those who didn't make it with me until today, those who left me (or rather, I left them) along the way, or simply those who I still care but I know I shouldn't. It hurts, it left me thinking, how things could possibly be if they were still here, if things went the other way round.

But things happen, and I have learnt not to regret whatever happened. No regrets, just lessons. And for that, how I wish I could tell some people who mean something in my life, even if they feel that I'm insignificant, how I wish I could say thank you, how I wish they could see how thankful I am for having found them even for a short while.

To Asyriq, get well soon, whatever your penyakit is, tangan besi, brain surgery, sawan, (as said by the SWEET Ezzad Azman), just get well soon. And enjoy your newly-obtained driving license.

To the rest of you dear readers who manage to make it until this very line without dozing off or clicking the X mark on your top right of your PC screen (or the tab, if you're opening many many tabs in Chrome), THANK YOU. You just made it seem possible for me to write a 3-page-long entry.

And being read. Walaoweh!