Sunday, August 21, 2011

For future and forever.

I know I should be asleep by now, but there are few things I want you to know that I couldn’t say it directly when I saw you last night (or rather, early this morning).

When you first told me that you might not be able to make it to pick me up at the airport, I couldn’t be sadder. It’s not the fact that I had to be on my own, take public transport and whatnot, it was the idea of not seeing you after ten days. Yes, ten freaking days. Others may laugh at this, but we know how ten days could bring ultimate misery to both of us, and I never wished to add another day to that. I told you I would be fine, that I would find my way home on my own. Indeed I would. But fine, as if I knew I could make it home in a breeze (well not really, since it was already after midnight and I had never been at the airport at such time, alone), but not fine, as if, mentally. I have been missing you so terribly, and the fact that you couldn’t make it made it more devastating.

That was why you saw me moving very quick, finding my way out of the airport. Truth was, I cried a bit when the plane first landed, not knowing what should I do next. I was the last to leave the plane, and my iPod was playing Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. It’s a very slow song, and reminded me on how you were not there when my heart was crying out for you. Yes, this is Bella sounding as exaggerating as ever, but yes, I was taking my own time not just to leave, but to ease the heart.

And when I heard you calling me from behind just when I was about to board the bus, I immediately knew it was you. I was speechless, in shock, surprised. I had always hoped you were actually bluffing that you couldn’t make it, but I didn’t dare risking my heart for another heartbreak. Expectation leads to disappointment. There was no way could I expect you to be waiting for me at the arrival gate. But you did. You have been watching. Indeed, you never failed to be there.

I must say you’re a pretty good real-life stalker, for this was not the first time you did such thing. You had your lesson by not following me too closely, and this time you really made it. Come to think of it, I never thought you would do such thing, such a pleasant surprise, a wonderful one. It’s the most beautiful surprise that could ever happen to me – YOU, yourself, your presence, your existence, right before my eyes, as real as you could be, just like when you first came home after ten months of separated hours and distance.

I love you. I may not say this often, loud and clear, here, in this little cyberspace of mine. But here I am, thanking you for every little happiness you could ever give me, blossoming into high hopes and dreams, that will one day, inshaAllah, be a reality that belongs to us.

I don't quite know how to say how I feel;  
Those three words are said too much, they're not enough.
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

From a humble heart of mine, I love you.