Confession #009 No you don't know me that well.

When suddenly you realize that people know things about your life a bit more than they should, then you start to ponder; is it an invasion of privacy, or it's just you who simply share too many things on the net.

When I am deeply hurt.

When I'm deeply hurt, I cry. I bury my face into the pillow and cry my heart out. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep that the next day I wake up with swollen eyes, bloated face and red nose. I might wake up feeling better, or I might just go on crying on the next day, only this time, not too hard.

When I'm deeply hurt, I play very loud music and have my ears stuck with headphones. The songs, however, do not have to be the head-banging ones, slow sad songs usually work better. I may not cry, but I would sing along and be in my own world.

When I'm deeply hurt, I would look for my comfort zones. Sometimes I would tell them immediately that I am very sad, sometimes I don't, and keep on rambling on some random stuff. But usually they could tell. And when they start to smell the fish, that's when I break down into tears. There are also times when I call them up and just cry, without any explanation. They would understand.

When I'm deeply hurt, I shut myself from others if I couldn't find my comfort zones. I refuse to talk, to listen, or to even see others. I would be on my own, surrounded by my own thoughts, sometimes unnecessary thoughts that might just hurt me more. But I don't care, I just prefer to be on my own.

When I'm deeply hurt, I run. I literally run. Ears plugged with headphones, I would run til I tire myself out. Sometimes I run with a straight, cold-looking face, but sometimes I would run with tears streaming down my face. Most of the times, the former comes before the latter, which means, both happen.

When I'm deeply hurt, I take a hot shower. And cry hard under the running water. I wouldn't feel the tears coming out, so it makes me feel better. It makes me feel stronger, like nothing could hurt me. When the fact is that I would still be crying. I just can't see my own tears.

When I'm deeply hurt, I distract myself by doing the chores, mostly cleaning and organizing things in my room. They could be well-organized already, but I would still rearrange them, do some unnecessary cleaning and tidying, just to occupy myself. But I would feel way better if they're in a mess because then I could see the difference before and after.

When I'm deeply hurt, I write. I write random things, I write on things that are hurting me, anything. I simply write. If I feel they're a bit too personal, then I'll just let Izleen read them without posting on my blog. But if I feel they're harmless, well, I don't mind letting the world know that I am hurting.

When I'm deeply hurt, I react differently towards  different people. I might avoid most, be indifferent to some, and look for the very few. I might show it, I might say it out loud, or I might just let it pass and act like nothing happened. I might still be considerate, that when others come to me and share their sad stories I could still listen with empathy while me myself is still hurting, or I might just ditch them off and be selfish, plain selfish.

But when I'm deeply hurt and I couldn't look straight into your eyes, well, that's when you need to be careful.

Because I might just be hurt by you.

Rhapsody #4 So since I'm not your everything, how about I'll be nothing, nothing at all to you.

Irreplaceable, Beyonce

2006. Defeated for the first time.

Fell way too quickly, judged way too shortly, thought way too simply.

I tell you, 16 is not the time to mess with a man of an older age. Especially when you're in a boarding school. He could be anywhere, messing up with some chicks, flirting like an effing dude, God, you never know. And you'd be too busy burying your head in some text books trying hard to maintain the ranking you just gained at the new place. He's got the  look, money and car, and you've got brain, which, in this case didn't help much since it was overruled by the heart.

Rude awakening. Cold bitter truth.

Since then I realized, people are not so irreplaceable after all. It's just a matter of time.

Early marriage. Kahwin awal.

When you can't sleep, WRITE. It's the next best thing after Facetime-ing with your best friend.

Lately semua orang pun asyik cakap pasal kahwin je. Sana sini, kalau nak tegur orang yang dah lama tak tegur, mungkin kahwin is the best topic. Cakap pasal kahwin, seronok je menyakat orang. We all get geared up. Even I do.

My stand about early marriage, aka kahwin masa belajar has always been - I have nothing against it, tak menolak kalau berlaku kat diri sendiri, tapi mintak jauh lah. Ye, MINTAK JAUH. Kalau boleh memang taknak, tapi kalau jadi jugak, mungkin itu sign daripada Allah. Orang cakap sampai seru (haha). Itu dulu. Sekarang mungkin sedikit lain.

Tapi one thing pasal manusia rakan sebaya ni, kalau cakap pasal kahwin, sikit3 boleh la. Semangat menyakat mengusik, nasik minyak lah, mak bapak mentua lah, hantaran berapa dulang lah, baju kahwin warna apa, buat kat mana, nak ajak siapa. Pendek kata (panjang tak kata apa3), memang semangat. Tapi perasan tak benda3 semangat tu semua pasal MAJLIS perkahwinan. Bukan PERKAHWINAN itu sendiri. Apatah lagi berumah tangga (okay perasaan sangat pelik guna perkataan ni). Quoting a friend, "They see a marriage as a WEDDING, rather than the MARRIAGE itself."

Kalau yang sanggup terima idea tanggungjawab tu okay lah, boleh lagi nak bawak berbincang. Tapi ada yang langsung terus, KAHWIN MASA BELAJAR??? )%TE%@&I%@???. Tanggungjawab besar tu, cari penyakit ke apa? Stigma masyarakat. Dah gatal sangat nak menikah. Tak sabar. Sangap. Muda-muda dah nak menggedik. Alahai Melayu nya kita.

Tapi ada tak orang yang bila ada couple announce that they're in a relationship, terus terlintas, GATAI. Muda-muda lagi dah nak bercinta. Takde kan? Semua pun nak, AWHHH SO SWEEEEET. (coughs)

Paling tak tahan bila orang komen, eh, muda sangat lagi dah nak kahwin. Tak ada pulak yang nak komen, eh, muda sangat lagi dah nak start kumpul dosa ber-couple. (coughs again)

If there's an age labelled as 'too early' to get married, why isn't there an age as too early to 'be in a relationship'?

Pandangan peribadi, strictly personal, if you think you have found the one, and you know you want to spend the rest of your life with that one person, then what's wrong with considering of an early marriage? Kita hanya merancang, tahu. Allah yang menentukan. Tapi kalau memang dalam hati tu takde siapa3 lagi, takpayah nak gelabah sangat lah cari calon segala bagai, just to get married. Enjoy the single unattached life. Selagi perasaan tu masih hak mutlak sendiri dan tak perlu dikongsi.

Peringatan kepada (diri sendiri) yang lupa, sentiasa betulkan niat. Matlamat hidup ini. Belajar tinggi tinggi pergi overseas, kahwin awal, travel keliling dunia, untuk apa? Redha Ilahi. Redha mak bapak. Kalau belajar jauh jauh jadi professor segala bagai, tapi mak bapak kat kampung tak pernah ingat, itukah matlamat? Kalau kahwin pasangan soleh/solehah solat 5 waktu tak pernah tinggal, tapi belajar pun tunggang langgang masa tak terurus, itukah matlamat? Know our priority. First thing first.

Again, personally, I think marriage is not something that we should rush into, if there isn't a need. But it is, if we know deep down our heart that we have found the right one. Bukankah permulaan sebenar sesuatu perhubungan aka couple itu matlamatnya berakhir dengan perkahwinan? 

Marriage. A happy ending for those in relationships, yet a beautiful unknown beginning of a new life. 

What an irony.

Lelaki ini. Doa doakan lah ye.

Pure happiness.

Nando's Mid Valley, August 22nd 2011

For future and forever.

I know I should be asleep by now, but there are few things I want you to know that I couldn’t say it directly when I saw you last night (or rather, early this morning).

When you first told me that you might not be able to make it to pick me up at the airport, I couldn’t be sadder. It’s not the fact that I had to be on my own, take public transport and whatnot, it was the idea of not seeing you after ten days. Yes, ten freaking days. Others may laugh at this, but we know how ten days could bring ultimate misery to both of us, and I never wished to add another day to that. I told you I would be fine, that I would find my way home on my own. Indeed I would. But fine, as if I knew I could make it home in a breeze (well not really, since it was already after midnight and I had never been at the airport at such time, alone), but not fine, as if, mentally. I have been missing you so terribly, and the fact that you couldn’t make it made it more devastating.

That was why you saw me moving very quick, finding my way out of the airport. Truth was, I cried a bit when the plane first landed, not knowing what should I do next. I was the last to leave the plane, and my iPod was playing Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. It’s a very slow song, and reminded me on how you were not there when my heart was crying out for you. Yes, this is Bella sounding as exaggerating as ever, but yes, I was taking my own time not just to leave, but to ease the heart.

And when I heard you calling me from behind just when I was about to board the bus, I immediately knew it was you. I was speechless, in shock, surprised. I had always hoped you were actually bluffing that you couldn’t make it, but I didn’t dare risking my heart for another heartbreak. Expectation leads to disappointment. There was no way could I expect you to be waiting for me at the arrival gate. But you did. You have been watching. Indeed, you never failed to be there.

I must say you’re a pretty good real-life stalker, for this was not the first time you did such thing. You had your lesson by not following me too closely, and this time you really made it. Come to think of it, I never thought you would do such thing, such a pleasant surprise, a wonderful one. It’s the most beautiful surprise that could ever happen to me – YOU, yourself, your presence, your existence, right before my eyes, as real as you could be, just like when you first came home after ten months of separated hours and distance.

I love you. I may not say this often, loud and clear, here, in this little cyberspace of mine. But here I am, thanking you for every little happiness you could ever give me, blossoming into high hopes and dreams, that will one day, inshaAllah, be a reality that belongs to us.

I don't quite know how to say how I feel;  

Those three words are said too much, they're not enough.

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

From a humble heart of mine, I love you.

First it was a pure randomness, then it sounds like a eulogy.

Seven minutes back I was in my bed, tossing around couldn’t bring myself to sleep. And sadly I’ve grown to develop a habit while I’m in Miri, a bad one – rubbing my eyes like crazy before going to sleep. I guess the pedih3 sensation I feel after rubbing my eyes made me shut them for a long time, at least long enough to make me doze off.

It’s been over a week I’m in Miri, and I still can’t find one single achievement to be proud of. The modus operandi is very simple, perhaps that’s why nothing big happened so far.

04:30     Waking up to find sahur already served on the table. Terus menonong duduk menghadap makanan mata separuh terbukak.

04:55     Naik atas, amik air sembahyang, bertafakur atas sejadah sambil lentok habis kat katil tunggu Subuh. Agak3 masuk je Subuh pukul 5.10, terus solat laju3 sebab kepala otak dah kat katil. Dengan aircon lagi. Fuh mengundang gila.

11:00     Yes, 11-freaking-AM.  Dah bangun, tengok kiri kanan, tarik selimut, bukak iPod main Mega Jump 4-5 round, pukul 12 baru pegi mandi. NO I DON'T DO THIS BACK IN PV8.

12:30     Siap turun bawah baru tengok matahari. Bukak TV, mengadap Wanita Hari Ini (dah tu je yang ada)

13:30     Ummi comes home with Adam. Yes, OUR Adam. Bermulalah episod annoying bersama Adam. Lazing around, guling3 golek3 atas sofa depan TV, baca novel. Me and Adam annoying each other. 12-year gap is never easy, I tell you.

18:10     Ummi panggil tolong kat dapur. Soalan lazim; “Kalau taknak, boleh?” Pemalas tak hengat.

18:40     Berbuka.

19:30     Maghrib, bertafakur dengan iPod atas sejadah tunggu Isyak and tarawih.

21:00     Tercangak depan TV. Tengok lah mana3 drama yang ada. Sampai lebam.

12:00     Go upstairs in my room. Read novel.

01:00     Trying hard to sleep.

01:30     Still trying.

01:something    Dozed off.

With this kind of routine, how to accomplish something? Ummi has been asking what exactly I want to do, belajar memasak, buat biskut raya, menjahit. Say it. I would go like, err, PERLU KE?

Then I realize, I define home by having a family, and food served on the table when it’s time. Ini tak, back in PV8 everything has to be done on my own.

But still, I miss PV8. And my housemate. The fact that we don’t get to see each other much during weekdays, and he likes to bring his friends over doesn’t really bother me.

Then again, it struck me. When I’m in KL, back at PV8, I would long for a home, a family. When I’m here in Miri with my parents, I miss PV8 so badly.

Hoih, manusia memang tak pandai bersyukur kan?

On the other note, I can smell that someone is now awfully in love. Well, is it even love? Hopefully. Reminds me to one time when I said, “Just because you haven’t been through it, don’t simply say you won’t. Or you will never. It’s just NOT YET.” Or something like that.

Well, what’s my point? I forgot. Or perhaps I don’t even have a point in the first place.

A random note; today we had a berbuka feast at Eastwood Valley, Miri. It’s a golf country club. Best? The food was okay, I enjoyed lamb the most. Pictures? No thanks. I didn’t bring my 550D with me, so I only had iPod. And you know how iPod images are under low lights. Arrr.

And my flight home (wherever that is, blergh) will be on Sunday. Then it’s normal life. Waking up at 5, preparing for sahur (whatever it is), and idle days in front of the laptop wasting time waiting for berbuka.

Another not so random note, I miss someone. Been thinking about us lately, for some unknown reasons. And for that, free free je dapat consultation from Izleen. Why do I like to complicate things? Sigh.

And I went blog-hopping just now, stalking people randomly. Saw this one entry about Facebook. Something about stalking on Facebook and hurting ourselves once we found out some nasty things going on. But still, we keep on stalking. OMG so true! Happened to me before, happening now, going to happen again.

Manusia MEMANG tak serik3 kan?

So lesson learnt, duk diam3. Takyah nak Facebook sangatlah. Duhh. What a lesson, tak effective langsung.

I hate the fact that I already know my flight date to UK. Though it’s yet to be confirmed, still.. I feel so out of place! Ugh. And it reminds me to the fact that I haven’t get anything done. Stuff to bring, I mean. Ada siapa3 nak tolong packing untuk kita tak? (nada gedik mengada3 ala3 Fynn Jamal wadde?)

I’m typing this entry on a Word document, it’s only 2 pages long. I’m determined to make it 3! God Bella, stop it, go to bed. Else you’ll wake up at 12 tomorrow and it’s Saturday, Ayah and Ummi will be home, and you know how Ayah doesn’t fancy orang bangun lambat. Satgi dia beletiaq. Yes, one fact, Ayah once said, if you want to find the right guy, find someone who can wake up for Subuh himself, without having to be waken up by someone else. If his Subuh is well taken care, inshaAllah the rest will fall into places.

Problem is, my own Subuh pun kadang3 tunggang langgang. Lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik. Uhhh T_T

Okay now when is this line going to reach the third page? Gahhh.

Last for tonight, there's a moment when I feel that I'm truly blessed for this life I have. I am surrounded by awesome people I care, and it's mutual.

Then there's a moment when I feel very very lonely, when I think of those who didn't make it with me until today, those who left me (or rather, I left them) along the way, or simply those who I still care but I know I shouldn't. It hurts, it left me thinking, how things could possibly be if they were still here, if things went the other way round.

But things happen, and I have learnt not to regret whatever happened. No regrets, just lessons. And for that, how I wish I could tell some people who mean something in my life, even if they feel that I'm insignificant, how I wish I could say thank you, how I wish they could see how thankful I am for having found them even for a short while.

To Asyriq, get well soon, whatever your penyakit is, tangan besi, brain surgery, sawan, (as said by the SWEET Ezzad Azman), just get well soon. And enjoy your newly-obtained driving license.

To the rest of you dear readers who manage to make it until this very line without dozing off or clicking the X mark on your top right of your PC screen (or the tab, if you're opening many many tabs in Chrome), THANK YOU. You just made it seem possible for me to write a 3-page-long entry.

And being read. Walaoweh!

Lucky you're in love with your best friend. Very lucky, indeed.

Bella: Is it possible for someone to be extremely comfortable with one person, but ridiculously in love with another?
Ummi: Yes it is, but they're not the same. The two different people.
Bella: Then if that person is to get married, who should s/he choose? The person s/he's in love with, or the person s/he's comfortable with?

I thought your partner should be your best friend. 

How could you have another best friend of opposite gender when you already have a partner?

I guess it depends on how you define your 

best friend.

The bestest friend I know I'll never lose.

Will you call me a hypocrite, call me a liar?

Why do you write? Why am I having this blog? Why, there are times when I suddenly feel the urge to write, regardless what the topic is about. It’s like, I HAVE TO WRITE SOMETHING.

And I notice I write better when I’m upset. Or angry. Or emotional. The flow seems to be perfect. Like everything comes out naturally.

Perhaps there are things that are better off in words, written, rather than uttered. True enough. Sometimes I write a long piece of essay, venting out, rambling on some emotional craps, then I stop, wondering if it’s appropriate for me to post it on my blog.

In the end, they all go to Izleen, my best friend. She never fails to be my faithful reader.

This blog used to be very personal, full of emotional stuff that I couldn’t bear keeping them to myself. The need to let them out drove me to post those things on my blog, with very minimal consideration if they were appropriate or not. Well, it’s my blog after all. Even if I get the facts wrong, who are you to argue? Go have your own blog then, no?

But part of it was also due to the underground-ness of this blog. I don’t really publish it anywhere. Like Facebook, I’m not one of those who posted new entry then pasted the link on their FB wall. Unless I want to inform a particular person on what’s going on, so there it goes. Other than that, no one cares. I am free to write anything I like. I used to say, no one reads it anyway, so why bother?

I guess it’s not the same today. Having eyes for details, I could track some silent readers who read my blog on regular basis. Well, thank you for that. But when you have frequent visitors, it’s like you’re having fans (lols). No, not that kind of fans who shout WE WANT MORE kind of thing. But you know people are reading. They might know you in person, they might not. Vice versa.

And that’s when you have to watch your words. Watch your say. Because it might hurt your readers. I avoid being too personal these days, simply because I feel too many people that I know in real life are watching. Not that I don’t like them, I do appreciate their care (curiosity, I would say) about my life.

It’s just that sometimes anonymous readers are much more preferred since they don’t know you in real life. They know you from your blog, and that’s it. They can judge you all they want, you couldn’t care less. They could love you without you knowing, and again, you couldn’t be bothered.

Now? Things are different. I am more careful in my writings, to take care of those precious hearts I know. And also, to avoid speculations and counters from unrelated people. I know I’m playing safe, no thrills and adventures, and some might even call me a fake. I wish I could be my true self in this dwelling place of mine. But no it’s not that easy. The real writings, the truest of me that you can get, well, they are all with Izleen.

One thing, if I get upset or extremely emotional over something, I’ll put them in words, and let Izleen read them. She’s the one to decide if they can be posted, though more often than not I decided not to post them up. Well at least someone reads my writing, that should be good enough.

Like what I just did few hours back. I posted some emotional junk before deciding to delete it. Izleen has read it, she thought it’s kinda cool, and SO me. But eventually, being me (again), I took it down because no, I’m not here in blogging to pick a fight or start gossips or what not. I don’t do cyberspace invasion, nor story-telling competition.

Because I know, sooner or later, those emotions or whatever crap there is inside me will eventually subside. But anything I have posted will not.

Or perhaps I'm just too coward to show the real side of me, after all.

 Will You Hate Me? by Dawud Wharnsby Ali

Smile in the two- way mirror of my eyes
I put on my faith like I wear a disguise
You can’t see my soul
See the life that I live
Show you the mask of the best I can give
I’ve hid here afraid like a child behind.
Truth of my thoughts that clutter my mind.
What if you knew about all that I do?
Things that I think,
The me that is true.

Would you call me a hypocrite?
Call me a liar?
Would you curse out my name?
Would you damn me to fire?
Would you know what to say?
Or would you just walk away?
Afraid the me I’ve tried to hide
Would too closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

I’ve been looking for answers since becoming an adult
Not looking for dogma to live like a cult
I’ve been looking to live,
I’ve been living to find
Freedom from cages that limit my mind.

Will I scare you, upset you, frustrate you, irate you?
Challenge a lifestyle or weaken your trust
Or will you see my efforts and my passionate sincerity
Would you see just a little of yourself in me
Will you take off your mask so we can both be free.

Rhapsody #3 My heart is so jetlagged.

"Five more days and I'll be home."

Jetlag, Simple Plan ft Natasha Beddingfield

Pre-Eid Balik Kampung.

I shall miss the Internet and all its civilized inhabitants.

Recipe#1 The Lazy Lasagna.

The Lazy Lasagna

 100% - based on 2 review(s) | Write Review

From RM 12.00

Item details


Stock: 50% Available (depending on the mood)
Stock Category : Raw materials ready in store
Material : Soft lasagna sheet with a hint of beefy texture
Size : Medium (serves 4)
Measurement : Approximately 15cm x 15cm

Name	:	Pakcik Kordi
Rating	:	100%
Date	:	9/8/2011 10:33:11 PM
Review	:	Sedap gila. Tak muak so boleh makan banyak banyak.

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Name	:	Mariah
Rating	:	100%
Date	:	9/8/2011 7:45:24 PM
Review	:	Addicted to it. AWESOME!

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INGREDIENTS:

Red sauce

350g (a packet) of minced beef burger meat

1 can of tomato puree (I used Prego)

1 red onion (finely chopped)

2 garlic (finely chopped)

Olive oil for cooking (minyak kelapa sawit pun boleh, cakap asal Banting!)
Salt and pepper

Panaskan minyak. Tumis bawang putih and bawang merah sampai brownish. Masukkan tomato puree and daging kisar. Salt and pepper for taste. Tunggu agak3 masak, tapi jangan sampai kering. Set aside. Done!

White sauce

A can of Campbell's mushroom soup

Hot water

Masukkan satu tin mushroom soup dengan half a tin of hot water. Kacau sekacau-kacaunya. Voila!

Mashed potato topping

2 potatoes (boiled and mashed)

Fresh milk

Salt and pepper

Mash everything in a bowl (sambil dengar lagu Everyday I'm Shuffling). Tadaaa!

8 medium sized lasagna sheets (boiled until soft)

HOW?

In a microwaveable bowl, pour in a layer of white sauce, followed by lasagna sheets and red sauce and lasagna sheet again. Ulang sampai habis. Lastly on top of the sauce (red or white, doesn't matter), spread a layer of mashed potato. Tebal sikit pun takpe, lagi yummy. Bake for about 20 minutes at 200 deg C.
Ready to be engulfed!

Tips: Masak lasagna sheet satu3, or else they will stick to each other. I'm a noob in cooking, so that's what I did to make sure the sheets won't stick. Play safe dude!

RESULT:

Abaikan bekas3 potong dengan sudu tu sebab makan 3 orang so semua pun redah pakai sudu je.

No, seriously. I don't go recipes by the book. Mana3 tak cukup, campak je apa yang ada. Like you can see obviously takde cheese walhal lasagna is supposed to be cheesy (lol). Why? Because I didn't have cheese in the fridge. And daging burger je, kalau nak skema satu3 would be daging kisar (minced beef). White sauce, sepatutnya guna susu, cheese apa lagi entah. I was too malas to be bothered, I just dumped the whole can of mushroom soup. The results? Sangat sedap. Seriously. The picture above doesn't do any justice to the taste. Boleh menangis sebab tak expect jadi sedap macam tu despite lacking of ingredients here and there. Dah la masak masa puasa, takboleh bajet garam perasa segala.

Moral of the story: Semua orang pun boleh masak. Tinggal nak taknak je. (which Bella usually taknak heee) 

Of Jalan TAR, Seoul Garden, and 22 months of togetherness.

Yesterday marks our 22nd anniversary. Anniversary? Blergh. Yes we count every single day passed as a blessing, but to call the monthly date anniversary? That would be mengada-ngada much. Nevertheless, we had a splendid time together! (SPLENDID as he loves to say it)

The day started at Jalan TAR.

1100; The weather was just nice. Cloudy, and not too hot.

B: Okay target by 4pm  kita kena keluar dari sini.

A: Tak boleh la sayang, kalau keluar pukul 4, around 5 sampai Damansara, orang dah balik kerja. By 3 la keluar.

B: Alright by 3 then!

1210; The sun was showing its power. Damn it was hot!

B: I can't find anything nice. Dah habis jalan dah. So sad :(

A: You want to go another round? We can always pusing balik and jalan sekali lagi, mana tau kalau ada yang missed tadi.

1300; Giving up.

B: Okay taknak dah. Nak balik nak balik. I'm very thirsty. Huu penat.

A: Haha sape yang semangat cakap by 4 nak keluar tadi?

Ohoi seriously mana nak cari lelaki yang sanggup berpanas terik pusing 2,3 kali Jalan TAR tolong kite cari baju raya? Kalau perempuan, mungkinlah. Cekal. Bab3 shopping ni memang gigih. Lelaki.. Ahem. Tak tau lah pulak.

So we left Jalan TAR about 1 something, heading to One Utama, Damansara. Why One Utama? Because of THIS.

Disaster at Seoul Garden, One Utama, Damansara

The picture before disaster wasn't taken since both of us were too busy mengangkut makanan banyak3 and cooking them. Well, Adam did most of the cooking though, and he liked it. So Bella tadah pinggan je lah.

 The extremely kenyang look that we couldn't risk our tummy for more food. Seriously.

We spent more than two hours at Seoul Garden, cooking, grilling, refilling, etc. Yes, we really made full use of the opening hours. Came in at 7.40pm after Maghrib, left at about 10pm. Imagine. And they gave us an isolated open air spot at the restaurant some more. Lagi lah banyak kitorang makan and main masak3. Total damage, too much to the extent I think I need to go on diet on top of fasting.

A bit of a review, (suka sangat review apakah) 

Seoul Garden is a very nice place to have a breaking fast feast. Yes, FEAST because it's an All-You-Can-Eat buffet. If you just want to berbuka modestly, then avoid Seoul Garden. Rugi. Also if you have plenty of time to spare for berbuka. With that, I mean, solat Maghrib dulu, baru makan, then you won't find yourself in rush. And, do make early reservation because the place can be extremely packed especially during berbuka hours. Value-wise, if you're a big eater, then it worth. For me, I enjoy the cooking part the most, especially with Adam. Siapa lagi nak masak3 untuk kite lepas tu tolong tiup bagi sejuk and straight suap dalam mulut tak payah mintak? :') Service-wise, fantastic. The staff are very helpful, but sometimes they can't understand English, so miscommunications happen. But they are always very eager to assist. Steamboat soup is refillable, which is awesome because we had tom yam, and it was gila sedap okay (a bit masin, but nevermind). One thing, if you come in group, you might feel the place a bit stuffy because eventhough the seating is meant for 4, I found the grilling place and steamboat a bit small. You sure will berebut to cook etc. But cooking time? No worries, even if you're a noob at cooking and masak lambat, there are always other ready-cooked dishes to indulge in. That includes appetizers and desserts. Heaven.

Note: Pictures thanks to iPod. So tak lawa.

Review #5 Movie: Fireproof.

I'm running out of things to write, like seriously. Not that nothing has been going on in my life, it's just that I don't know how to put them in words. Well, I have my MARA agreement settled, my visa appointment done, so that's something, right? But I guess many have put them in blogs, the tips etc, and I'm not gonna bore you with the same thing like, BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL when filling your visa form, SIAPKAN CEPAT3 sebelum results A-level keluar, how to kill the setem for MARA agreement yadda yadda anymore. So instead, here goes..

A review.

Yes, another movie review. Nak baca, keep scrolling down. Kalau taknak, still, scroll down to the most bottom part and you'll find lists of blogs with more interesting updates (hopefully).

"Fireproof doesn't mean that a fire will never come, but that when it comes you'll be able to withstand it."

So this time the movie is titled Fireproof. Just in case you wonder if it has anything to do with fire, like literally fire, yes, the main character is a fireman. But in short, it's about protecting your marriage. Standing up for it.

"Never leave your partner behind."

The movie is about Caleb, a fireman who has been married to Catherine for seven years with no kids. As usual, time creates comfort, which can turn into distance, if it is not treasured. So this couple found themselves in lots of arguments and fights and anger, which in my honest opinion, are due to lack of understanding.

I love this one particular scene when the movie shows how Caleb and Catherine both see the situation so differently. The beauty of two different perspectives, and it's so true! Point is, communication is very very important. And if you don't communicate, it's very easy to see each other's faults and play the blame game.

While Catherine is busy looking for some fresh sparks in life by flirting with another guy, Caleb decides that he needs to save the marriage. With The Love Dare Book given by his father, he started to make changes in their relationship, beginning with his attitude. The challenge should last for 40 days, with a new positive change each day. While it's not easy to change himself, the fact that Catherine is too stubborn to accept things makes it worse.

But what happened after 40 days? You have to watch it to find out. For a person who loves to see things from different angles (and too often over-analyze them), this movie is definitely for me. Especially when it comes to Mars-Venus thingy. It's amazing how different can a man and woman be in term of viewing things, even after spending years together. Things such as The Love Dare Book might not exists these days, and a man as persistent as Caleb may not be easy to find, but in real life, it takes two to build a relationship, but to maintain it, well, that's a lot of effort.

Sometimes we get too comfortable with our partner, that we decide to seek some sparks in life. Little did we realize that the sparks aren't there magically, they need to be worked on. Precious things don't come cheap, no?

Highly recommended. Please please, do watch Fireproof. Even if you're not into relationship-marriage thingy, somehow it's a perfect example of how human behave in times of hardships. How poor communication can destroy what we've built for years in split seconds. Most importantly, how different can we, man and woman be.

And this particular scene says it all.

Ultimate melting moment.

Bila perasaan bersalah tak sempat warnakan kertas yang Faris (Teacher Ima's baby) bagi sebelum jumpa kat Alamanda menghantui,

Dalam kereta kat parking lot 10 minit sebelum buka puasa pun sempat lagi main colour3. Siap guna steering jadi meja. Gigih betul.

The Game Plan.

Maybe number (3) can come before (2).

Ada bantahan?

Leenophile sp.

You meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you, and then you meet one person and your life has changed. Forever.

JAMIE RANDALL (JAKE GYLLENHAAL) | LOVE & OTHER DRUGS

Kalau boleh kawen dengan dia, dah lama kita kawen dengan dia tau. Bukan sebab perasaan cinta atau apa, tapi sebab dia kenal kita inside out, and kitorang sangat comfortable in everything.

Masalahnya tak boleh kawen.

I'm not too sure how we really clicked in the first place. I think we had some sort of misunderstanding, where people kinda thought we were actually in cold war. Of course, the power of gossips were proven to be very strong that time, because I had this uneasy feeling whenever I saw her. Until one day she invited me to have her Secret Recipe Carrot Cake her brother bought for her birthday. Being an innocent passerby, I just went downstairs joining the crowd (and be awkward).

Why do I stress on the Secret Recipe Carrot Cake? Because the cake never failed to remind me of her every time I see it. Until now. And that's one of the most significant memories of her that I have.

We are two very different things. She once said, kawan3 kau semua pun lain dengan kau, kan? True. In fact the same goes to my other half. As for her, she's very clingy, the type you can't leave alone to survive. Me on the other hand, enjoy solitude. I appreciate my time alone, especially when I can be very independent and do things on my own. Which is so not her.

But with her, I don't mind. In fact, I like it when she asks me to be around, to come with her, etc. And yes, all our wall posts, comments on Facebook aren't made up. I've grown used to it. And loving it. When people say can't we just be normal, without the geli3-ish words yayang yayang thingy, well, that's normal to us.

And I love it when people acknowledge us. Thee was one time a friend was asking about her, and his words were "Kau pegi dengan sape? Yayang kau?"

LOL. Yayang siap. Sometimes I do wonder what people think when they read our conversation. But heck with that.

Not sure about others, but to me, there are different kinds of friends in my life. The one you update daily, the one who you haven't met in more than a year, but once you see each other again, you can spill everything like water, the one who can give you countering facts and cold hard truths (which you can't be with all the time, else you get annoyed), the one who can listen and don't give a damn, just listen, the one who you can go out and have a cup of teh tarik lepak mamak randomly without plans, and such.

Well, she's the one I update daily. Sometimes when I have some random things in mind, like a song lyric or something, I'll just text her. Kadang3 kejut subuh lah, wish good morning lah. Walhal dah tau pun dia takde kredit nak reply. Tapi suka je? She's my partner in being random. In my planning. In my everything.

We made promises (kinda) that if we get married (to different men of course), we will still have our place to run to kalau merajuk dengan husband masing3. Kalau dalam drama Melayu cakap "Awak hantar saya balik rumah mak saya!", we would say "Awak hantar saya balik rumah best friend saya!" LOL.

She is, in fact, a place to run to. A safe place. A home.

To one extent I don't know what I'll be doing without her. Tak pernah lagi terfikir boleh sayang kawan macam tu, but true, she makes me think that I want to see her in the hereafter. Boleh tak? KAWAN tu. Siap doa boleh jumpa dalam syurga lagi.

Happy 20th Birthday Izleen. I love you.

In the space between yes and no, there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you’ll tell yourself in the future.

JODI PICOULT (CHANGE OF HEART)

Review #4 Movie: Sekali Lagi. (Malay)

When you have nothing to write about, write reviews.

In other words, don't let the world know how boring your life is. Which is what I'm doing.

Following good reviews and pedophile-ish remarks on Mia Sara by my best friend, KN, I've decided to give Sekali Lagi a shot. Yes, a Malay movie, which in a way means putting my expectation at high stake. Exaggerate much, no? Well I always get skeptical when it comes to Malay movies. Take KL Gangster for example. It's good for those who enjoy the sound effects of physical fights, and those who are good at remembering lines as well, but for me who's always looking for the 'so?' part, well, I just don't get KL Gangster. At least not for me.

Sekali Lagi revolves around an autistic guy, Arman who were once normal. Married to Sheila at a very young age, he was diagnosed with tumor, which if removed, will cost him his normal life. He then decided to leave Sheila when he found this out, because he didn't want to burden her with his 'abnormalities'. What he didn't know was that she was pregnant when he divorced her, which explained where Amy came from.

Things get complicated when Arman met Sheila again, this time, with him being autistic and couldn't recognize her at all. This is when Sheila found out what exactly happened between them, especially those related to Amy. Should she tell Amy that Arman is actually her father when all this time Amy has always seen Arman as her friend? And can she take back all the pain Arman made her go through before that?

Typical situations, you hide things from people because you don't want them to be worried or suffer once they found out. Hello, what's wrong with communicating it out? I just don't get it. The same goes to Stanza Cinta,a Malay drama on TV3 which I just watched last night, and it happened to be the episode where Aaron Aziz  was keeping his sickness from his families so that they won't be worried.

I thought we are all living in a modern world where communication plays a huge part in our life, no? Imagine, what if someone dies all of a sudden, and the family only finds out after being told by the doctor, that the person has been sick all this while. Dramatic. Checked. Practicality? Hell no.

Okay back to Sekali Lagi, overall, Mia Sara plays a really important part in making sure the movie won't go flat or lifeless with her never-ending adorableness and charm. Shaheizy Sam, too. Him playing autistic? Too well. I think I'm falling for that. But Lisa Surihani? Not so much of her fan, and somehow there's always a part in me that thinks she's trying too hard for emotional scenes, which in the end, turned out a failure. Too superficial, I guess. Well she's pretty, yes. Very pretty indeed. But that's it.

Personally, if I don't over-analyze the situations, like how did Sheila manage to raise Amy after Arman left her, what happened to them etc, the movie should be fine. An out of ordinary for a Malay movie. I still enjoy it despite having doubts here and there.

No, ignore my words. Do watch Sekali Lagi. At least once, if not once again.