Monday, January 17, 2011

He's never far away.

It's mid January. As much as I'm foreseeing awesome things in 2011, January is the critical month I wish would past quickly. 

TOK, IB Diploma, Placement, Universities.. They can all be basi for most of my college-mates in my batch, but for some, like me, they are still fresh. Sizzling hot. 
Terbaik Dari Ladang. (Iklan M08A)

When I went for Umrah last year, I remember this one prayer very well. Honestly I'm not a fan of reciting something without knowing the meaning, (which explains why I can’t really appreciate Korean and Japanese songs) so I read every possible meaning of the prayers in the Panduan Mengerjakan Umrah booklet provided. Whenever I recited the prayer in Arabic, I would also read the translation. And there was a verse from the prayer read while doing the fourth Tawaf.

“Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, jadikanlah diriku puas hati dengan pemberian yang Engkau kurniakan kepadaku, berkatkanlah apa yang Engkau anugerahkan kepadaku dan gantilah apa yang hilang dariku dengan apa yang baik dari-Mu.

I got my N for TOK when I was doing my Umrah, in Makkah. God knows how heartbroken I was. I cried like, non-stop. I cried while praying. I cried when I was reciting The Holy Quran. I cried in front of Kaabah. I cried while kissing the Hajarul Aswad. I cried while doing the Tawaf. I cried while Saie going back and forth between Safa and Marwah. I even cried when we went on visits to the Muzdalifah, Mina and some other sacred places in that holy land. I cried a zillion times.

To one point I pondered why actually I cried --- was it because I was really insaf and regretting the sins I committed in the past,

Or was I just devastated by the whole N thing?

I felt really ashamed of myself. I came here to perform Umrah, to beribadah, to seek for His forgiveness, to bring myself closer to Him, to actually see The Kaabah with my own eyes, and see His Mightiness. MasyaAllah.

Yet I cried because of some duniawi thing that wasn’t even mine in the first place.

According to Jack Canfield, the word rejection is often misused. I was never a student at University of Leicester. When they cancelled the offer it didn't mean that they were expelling me from the school. I was never even accepted!

Well, of course, technically, the offer letter and Unconditional status from UCAS could be the reasons for me to bloom sky high, but it’s not like I have packed my things and booked the flight ticket. Let alone an agreement with MARA - which technically meant I couldn't even afford to study there. No money what? -.-"

And looking back, I should be superglad and thankful that I’m given the second chance.
Which brings me to this one verse from the prayer while doing the second round of Saie.

“Sesungguhnya Engkau telah berfirman dalam kitab-Mu Al-Quran yang diturunkan yang bermaksud “pohonlah kepada-Ku, Aku akan tunaikan permintaanmu”, maka inilah kami bermohon kepada-Mu wahai Tuhan kami maka ampunilah kami seperti mana yang telah Engkau perintahkan kami sesungguhnya Engkau tidak pernah memungkirkan janji.”

Never stop praying. Isn't it our best weapon?

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