Saturday, April 30, 2011

Are you just trying to be (a) polite (Malaysian)?

In case of nothing to say, SHUT UP.

You don't really want to talk to them, but you have to stay and make kind faces and respond to every word they say, because you can't make yourself say that you need to leave.

You compliment the food made by others simply because they say nice things about yours, when the fact is actually your taste bud can't function properly.

You tell them how you have been missing them all this while, just because they tell you they miss you, when the fact is actually their absence has never affected you that much.

Are we being too polite to the extent we change our own virtue, or are we just being civilized?

We, Malaysians are known for our politeness and courtesy.

"Hai kak, jemur kain?" (jiran sebelah rumah menegur jirannya yang sedang menjemur kain)

"Beli ikan kak? Rajin memasak nampak?" (kat pasar, terserempak dengan office-mate tengah pilih ikan)

"Eh, makan makan, sila3." (nampak member tengah makan kat cafe)

Orang cakap berbasa-basi. What we say to each other is actually what is obviously happening. Memang lah akak tu tengah beli ikan, nanti nak balik masak, takkan beli ikan lepas tu jual kat restoran suruh masak ikan tiga rasa pulak kot? Jemur kain pun dah terang3 sah, tambah lagi bila tengok orang tengah makan. Cakap pasal makan, kita sikit punya semangat "Eh, makan jum? Sila3." walhal dalam hati bukan nak ajak makan sangat pun. Sebab kalau member tu duduk makan sekali, angin jugak.

Ah, typical Malaysians.

But I don't think that's anything compared to those who actually 'tambah nasik' when people are talking about others. X is complaining about Y, and Z purposely adds things up.

X : Aku bengang betul lah dengan Y, cakap banyak, kerja tak jalan.
Z : Haah, betul3, hari tu pun cam tu gak, dia bla bla bla..
X : Oh, kau pun same ke? Huh, memang sah lah, cakap berapi bla bla..
Z : Eh kau tak tau ke satu department dah tau Y memang camtu bla bla..

Kan dah jadi sesi mengumpat. Walhal isu dia sikit je, X cuma nak meluahkan rasa tak puas hati kat Z. Kalau Z dengar je tak tambah nasik, kan settle. X puas hati, conversation ends there.

Why do they really have to tambah nasik? I have my own theory.

  1. They have the same issues but couldn't voice it out. Once ada orang start, apa lagi, let go jugak lah.
  2. They are trying to appear interested, being polite. Karang tak respon tak syok lah. Bosan.
  3. They are trying to blend in. Imagine semua orang cakap pasal Y, takkan kau nak diam je?
  4. They are being themselves - some people just like to talk bad about others. It makes them feel good.

Tak boleh ke kalau diam je, angguk3 sikit, dengar, then cakap, sabar3. Being a direct person myself, I wonder why is it so hard to confront someone you're having issues with. When someone come to me and complain how they're disturbed/bothered by someone else, I would (usually) ask, "Have you told them?"

But we, Malaysians (especially the majority ones) don't really practice directness. Sometimes being direct can lead you to unwanted catastrophic disaster. Being sacked, losing friends, for example.

Come to think of it, are they even your friends in the first place? You can't even be direct with them, they won't know how you feel. Is that how you describe friends?

But of course, there's no right or wrong here. I must admit, my directness sometimes causes uneasiness in others. Blending in pun satu isu. So agak3 lah. Whichever fits you best. Just don't lose yourself to others just for the sake of, you know, being polite.

When you're disturbed about something, and the urge to talk to others come, ask yourself, do you really want to let go what's inside and ease yourself, or you're just looking for some juicy gossips and find attention.

When someone come to you and whine about something/someone else, as you're about to reply, ask yourself,  do you really have an issue with that someone/something, or are you just trying to be polite and say bad things as well so that the person you're talking to feels better.

Are we trying to be so polite that we lost our own virtue?

1 comment:

Leng Chai said...

hai bella rajen blogging nampak? hahaha