A woman's hunger.

One thing I hate most about staying up late (past 10pm is late) is because I usually would go reeeeeally hungry but too lazy to fix something up. Talk about very hungry that I even consider ordering a pizza. So just now was one of those moments.

I was staring blankly at my laptop screen tucked in my throw refusing to do anything because I was too hungry. And it was so cold I couldn't even bring my hands out. So I resorted to my safety net - Adam.

Called him on Facetime --- made sad faces, whining about how hungry I really was.

Apparently he had a bigger problem in his mind. Tomorrow he'll have to leave the house by 7am and that means waking up 6.30am the latest. That, if you ask me, is nothing compared to my hunger.

In his lazy attempt to distract me from my hunger and convince me to go downstairs and find something to eat, I found a bag of Walkers in my room.

Opened it, chomped on it, said goodbye to Adam twenty seconds later.

And Adam was like, is that it? You're ditching me now because you've found food isn't it?

(this is how I would've said it - he said it in a slightly different way)

YES. I'm done here. I've got my bag of chips. Nothing to do here anymore.

And there I thought, sigh, my husband knows me too well. Feed me good food, and I will love you for the rest of my life.

Oh, and ice creams too.

And handbags.

And at least thirty minute cuddles before going to bed together.

And shopping trips.

And Ferrero Rocher.

And morning kisses.

And... Sigh. 

Woman.

That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.

Above quote by John Green from his book, The Fault in Our Stars.

I know I ought to be continuing the LASIK stuff, but well.. That can wait.

For the past few weeks I've been getting spontaneous bruises out of randomness. Sometimes they hurt, most of the times they didn't - at least not until I noticed them. Sometimes it was a single big blob of blue-yellowish nasty bruise, most of the times they were just patches of small bruises. I've known to be bruising easily for all my life, so it didn't really concern me.

Not until for the last couple of days I noticed there is a patch of bruising at the back of my knee - at the popliteal area. Now that's an odd place to find a bruise, especially when all this while it has always been down the leg. And oh, did I mention that when I felt for it (in Medicine it's called palpate), there seemed to be like a crunchy thing lying underneath the skin. Talk about haematoma and aneurysm of the popliteal artery, heh?

And to make it worse, after a round of netball game last night.. I found another bruise on my waistline near the hip - I MEAN WHO BRUISES THEY WAIST?

And guys, they hurt. The bruises hurt. I don't usually mind them, but when they hurt, I get really frustrated with them. Alright blood vessels, you want to spill a bit, go ahead. But stop freaking hurting me D:

Regardless. We had fun. The game was fun. So here I present you..

The Leicester netball team ready to take on Nottingham's Games!

And beat LSE! 

Dream high people, dream high. Any LSE peeps reading this, be proud of your netball team yo! They play like perghhhhh

On another note, half of the girls in the pictures are Bruneians. So no, we don't have that many players in our team. Heheh.

LASIK at Prince Court Medical Centre - The day I decided I have had enough of glasses and contact lens.

My fingers are itching to write but there's nothing big going on at the moment and I don't want to bore you with how happy (or sad) I am now, so I thought I'll just share my experience on LASIK I had last Ramadhan. Had it done in Ramadhan for the keberkatan mashaAllah - okay that was a bluff - I just didn't have time to do it at other times.

I had it done at Prince Court Medical Centre under Prof Muhaya. And I'm sure if you google up LASIK Prof Muhaya or the likes, hundreds of results will appear. So this is not really a comprehensive information or guide or whatsoever, just documenting it for the sake of my kids and grandkids, who knows if one day they'll need it for reference of my medical history (?)

I'll break this post into three part.

Part I - Eye assessment

Part II - LASIK surgery

Part III - Follow up

Please also note that I'll try to give the date as accurate as possible since I forget things easily during the summer. Meeehhh

Pre part I - Appointment set up (not too important but I just thought I'd share)

12/07/13  - Called Prince Court Eye Clinic to see if there was any sessions that I could squeeze in for an eye assessment for LASIK in the nearest time. Initially I was given 17/07/13 for an eye assessment and if everything went well, the surgery would be on the next day. But I wasn't sure if flying off to Miri  immediately on the day after surgery would be a good idea. Also I needed to be off contact lens for at least ten days and again, I couldn't be too sure about that. So we set for another date after I came back from Miri, on 25/07/13 for the assessment.

I was honestly quite surprised on the availability of the dates. I didn't expect things to be as immediate as I was told. But then it was Ramadhan, and probably not many people choose to be under blade (LASIK is bladeless anyway hahaha) with an empty stomach. Blessings of Ramadhan, Alhamdulillah.

PART I - Eye assessment

25/07/13 - Went there with Adam (quite obviously). There were lllooooadss of tests that at some point I felt like a subject in some important research! My appointment was at 8.30am and we finished everything around 12pm. Consider me lucky. I met a person who had an appointment booked at 9am and she only finished at 3pm. The staff were extreeemeeelyy friendly and helpful, and I wouldn't say this for nothing. I was veeeeery impressed that I kept on mentioning it to Adam who I'm pretty sure at some point was getting annoyed by my mundane remarks hahaha! And of course, it helped to have a good companion to talk to (and argue with) throughout the whole thing because at some point, my pupils were dilated and I couldn't focus a thing. I was feeling groggy and had to rely on my other senses.

One thing that we discovered during the eye assessment was that my pupils were larger than average. That has been the reason why I keep seeing starbursts at night, especially from the headlights on the road. All this while I always put it down to my astigmatism, but apparently that wasn't the main cause. And apparently LASIK cannot cure it. At all. WOHA SURPRISE SURPRISEEE! I'm not sure if it's hereditary but my mom has the same problem and can't really drive at night. Anyway, after the full eye assessment, I was told that after the surgery I might see halos at night as well. To be very honest I was prepared for all that, especially with the starbursts thing since I've been living with it for all my life, though I secretly wish it would go away after surgery. But na'ahhh it won't.

So I agreed to have the surgery done on the next day. Which I will probably write soon, considering how lengthy it can be. 

Soon. Yeah, hopefully.

Epiphany.

Ever heard of the word 'epiphany'?

e•piph•a•ny a moment of sudden revelation or insight. (Apple Dictionary)

I learnt this word somewhere during high school. It sounds like elephant with funny ears. Since then it became one of my favourite words to use when I talk to myself. Well, other than 'sort of' and 'kinda' and 'like' and 'well' and 'I guess'. I tend to use these words 437289 times in the same sentence. Probably that's the reason why I sound very American. Though I'm not too sure if Americans do speak that way. Well, I guess.

.. I'm digressing.

So last weekend in Belfast, I had this epiphany. Of how blessed I really am. How happy I really am.

I think the trigger was Tsara's picture of three of us on Instagram the night before, with a caption "Me so lucky." At that moment, I wasn't too sure who's the luckiest among us three. Adam, who has a wife and a sister that get along really well, Tsara, who has an annoyingly protective brother and a super cool sister in law, or myself, who has it all - everything one can ever ask from their in laws.

It occurs to me that because my MIL treats me as her kid, rather than her son's wife, I tend to treat Tsara as a sister, rather than a wife to her brother. Gosh I can't be more confusing can I? Thing is, when it comes to Tsara, my guard as a sister rises.

And let's not go into how guarded I really can be when it comes to Adam. 

The epiphany was something plain ordinary, paradoxically. It was simply pure, that when it hit me, I could only let out a sigh. A deep sigh, with Adam dozing peacefully right next to me. I was actually texting a friend in Malaysia for one good hour in bed, 'listening' to each other's stories, when the epiphany came.

The beautiful thing about that moment probably lied in the morning itself. I have always loved mornings, or rather, mornings in Belfast. It is that time when I get to stay in bed longer than I should and just enjoy the moment of tranquility and peacefulness, the calming sound of rain drops, the soft whispering breath from the person lying next to me.

I hardly do that in Leicester as I tend to be quite strict with myself in the mornings. The bed seems empty and cold and the last thing I want to do is wallow myself in the coccoon of sadness disguising itself as a fluffy double bed. So mornings usually means coffee, breakfast, and some revision. And obviously, the Internet.

So there goes - my epiphany the last time I remember it.

Ever had yours?

Family is a very powerful thing to keep you going.

Something precious. Something priceless.

Raya portrait.

My family has never been serious when it comes to family pictures, even on Raya. Most of the times we're just too busy eating or texting or chatting with one another that formal family pictures will only happen when someone really insists. Remember the family picture I shared last time? Well yes, that's the only Raya picture that we have, despite everyone being colour-coordinated.

So this time for Raya Haji, I made a Facetime call to my family back in KL and be the one who insisted that we NEED TO HAVE A FAMILY PICTURE. Well guess what? Ummi was busy ironing Ayah's shirt in a hurry since she had a flight to catch to Miri later in the afternoon, Ayah was laughing at the fact that I didn't have my husband here for Raya (hmpphh!), Zahid was doing stuff (whatever it was), Syahirah was asleep, Afiq was busy nudging me to buy his futsal shoes, while Adam was showing off his new Hot Wheels track conveniently mounted to the wall.

Family picture? Ain't nobody got time for that.

But NO. I INSISTED. I was in my red kebaya and I decided that this time, we will have a family portrait for Raya. No one else was still wearing their baju Raya though (speaking of, this year's theme is still blue from the last Raya Aidilfitri, not surprisingly).

The house later became a chaos as Ayah carried the laptop around the house nudging everyone to dress properly aka wear tudung for the ladies. And when I say 'dress properly' for the gentlemen, they also meant something to cover their heads - helmets and cap. And kopiah for the old-fashioned Ayah.

It was hillarious. 

At the beginning of our 'photoshoot' - everyone was well behaved. Well, minus the helmets and cap, kinda. I couldn't do anything about it.

And this was when everyone just went crazy. It actually got crazier but I figure let's just keep the goofiness to the minimum, just in case we might scare potential new family members joining us soon.

This is what I got in my iPhoto library.

In the last photos of Ayah and Ummi pretending to be on a bike, it all happened pretty spontaneously. I was asking for a photo of just the two of them, when Zahid suddenly came in and put the helmets on their heads. Ayah then simply brought his arms forward like he was holding the bike handle and Ummi went on to grab him at the waist as if she was gonna fall off the bike. And look at the expression. It was hillarious!

I keep on looking at this picture and thought to myself. I mean, how can I not fall in love with these two people??!?!

Aaahhh too much cuteness.

Eid Mubarak people!

Northern downpour sends its love.

KL - Ipoh - Penang - Alor Setar

Road trip, June 2011

08/10/2009

4 years.

48 months.

208 weeks.

1456 days.

34944 hours.

"With all those times
We sat and dreamed of life

Oh how the future it could be

The flawless drawings of beauty."

My Heart Will Wait, Joe Brooks

I can write a million reasons why you're my favourite.

I can write a million reasons why you're my favourite.

Like how you hold me tight in the morning in bed while your eyelids flutter
Refusing to wake up
Refusing to let me up
And we end up counting stars in our half-asleep world.

Like how you don't mind paying for everything when we are out
For you know how much I hate carrying my purse around
And we end up calculating how much do I owe you, everytime.

Like how you give me a doubtful look
And worry about what the figure would be
Everytime I say I want to jump on the next day plane
And we end up buying the tickets anyway
And you never refuse to have me. Never.

Like how you praise every single thing that I cook
Even if I cook them to my taste, and not yours
And you would say I make the best nasi lemak ever
Everytime, every single time, they are always better.

Like how you are such a blur when it comes to technology and gadgets
And I'll pretend to be an IT expert
And impress you with my humble knowledge on computer
And you would think I am your IT saviour.

Like how you try to get me into KPop
And fail miserably
Everytime, every single time
With the hope that I change my mind
When you know I won't. Ever.

Like how you do your own laundry and fold your own clothes
Because I choose not to learn how to do them in your way
And we end up folding our own clothes because we have our own preferences.

Like how you come to bed early despite not being sleepy
Because you know I hate going to bed on my own
And we end up tickling each other making stupid jokes for half an hour before finally falling asleep.

Like how you always want me to come with you
Always, al-freaking-ways
But still end up saying
"Tapi kalau awak rasa nanti awkward, takpelah, kita faham"
Because you know, being around people is not my best thing
And I end up not going.

Like how you ask for my opinions
When it comes to big decisions
Despite knowing that we love to challenge each other
And my words may not be in your favour
But still, you ask
Because it's the asking part that matters.

Like how you hold me tight when I cry out of frustration after an argument
And stay still, in silence
And put away all our differences
Because we know life is not just about rainbows and roses.

Like how your eyes sparkle when you talk about your ambitions
Though you know we might not share the same visions
Though you know I'll bring you back to the ground
But we'll end up settling for a meeting point.

Like how bright your face lights up
When you talk about Umi
When you describe her in every possible word you can find
And bring me into the family
Wholeheartedly.

Like how you refuse to talk about others
For the fear of mengumpat and fitnah
Though you know sometimes I just want to share stuff
Still you remind me
There are always three sides of a story.

Like how you are such a cheapskate
Because I am, too.

Like how you ask me not to cry
When all I do is cry
And laugh all the same
And you still call me beautiful
And still mean every word of it.



I can go on and write a million reasons why you're my favourite.


With one of them is you being you.


-- Happy 23rd, husband.