Couldn't help but shed a tear. Sunday morning and crying? Woah not bad, Bella.
I've been through both. Ditinggalkan dan meninggalkan. Once, I was all alone in Malaysia when all my friends found their way abroad, UK, Ireland, India, Australia and such. Now here I am, in the UK, which sadly, not less alone than I was.
And I'm the one who left.
A friend back in Malaysia once said to me, "Jangan nak sedih sangat lah nak fly, kau yang pergi, kau yang tinggalkan orang, kau takkan rasa sebab kau start new. Excited. Tapi orang yang kena tinggal ni lah yang rasa sakitnya hilang kawan."
Trust me friend, I've been there.
Tapi korang tau tak yang aku kat sini pun tak kurang sakitnya?
Same old issue, I'm not into Medicine. A year of brain dormancy before starting to do things you're not looking forward to isn't helping much. New place, new people, new culture, new WEATHER. Kau ingat best ke?
And with what happened recently (well not so recent, but it seems like yesterday to me), lagilah sedih. It's something you can't help but be sad all the time. It's at the back of your mind, 24/7. You seem fine on the outside, but inside, you're crying. Constantly. You laugh while telling others how "fine"you are, but deep inside, you just want to cry. To the right person.
Ya Allah, sedih yang macam, "Please lah, I've had enough. Taknak dah." Tapi sedih jugak.
Then there comes the weather. Belum winter pun lagi, tapi sejuk dah macam menggigil sampai taknak keluar duvet. Kadang kadang tu bukan malas study sangat pun, tapi sebab sejuk sangat terus shut down. Tambah pulak dengan tak minat subjek, lagi lah. Horror I'm telling you.
Tapi apa yang orang nampak? Wahhhh seronoknya study UK. Negara orang, sejuk, best, nanti ada snow.
Hewhewhew.
(okay I know that hewhewhew is annoying and has nothing to do with the above statements whatsoever, but, whatever)
Sometimes, we need to be reminded on how fortunate we are. Kita nampak orang macam okay je, macam best je, but inside, who knows. Takde orang tau. Kalau la kita tau masalah orang, perasaan orang, would we still feel the same about ourselves?
“Don't be jealous of anyone. I guarantee you, if everyone walked into a room, and dumped their problems onto the floor, when they saw what everyone else's problems were, they'd be scrambling to get their own problems back before someone else got to them first.”
― Kim Gruenenfelder, A Total Waste of Makeup
The other day my lecturer said, "You never know how people love to talk about themselves until you give them the chance to."
Mungkin kita patut kurangkan bercakap pasal diri sendiri, and care more about others instead. Ask them how they're doing and such. Rather than cari orang untuk men-dump-kan masalah and kesedihan diri yang entah sampai bila tak habis. Dah la benda sama all the time. Slow learner (again)?
Quoting a friend, "Kau nak menyusahkan siapa lagi kalau bukan best friend kau?"
Tapi kan Bella, masa kau "susah"kan best friend kau tu, kau tau tak kalau kalau dia lagi "susah" dari kau?
*** so much of a Sunday morning ..
*** so much of a Sunday morning ..