Sunday, November 28, 2010

Love and lost are two different sides of a coin; accepting one means accepting the other.

We have had the time of our lives
And I will not forget the faces left behind
It's hard to walk away from the best of days

But if it has to end, I'm glad you have been my friend
In the time of our lives

Tyrone Wells – Time of Our Lives
Vampire Diaries Season 2, Episode 4

I reckon there are two obvious types of people in this world when it comes to living; the ones who move on easily and the ones who dwell in the past.

Moving On
You be friends with whoever you meet along the way. Free, unattached, you have a simple life. People come and go – so do you. What happened, happened. Maybe you still care about those in your past, but not to the extent you go after them stick with them and stay with them. As the circle of people around you changes, you change as well.

Living in The Memories
 As the words say, you hang on to the memories. You have two three best people in your life, you treasure them, cherish them, no matter where you are, no matter where they have been. People can still see you as moving on, living life, but deep down, you will still be looking for the ones who have been by your side all this time. Your circle of friends may change, but the ones in your heart stay.

Though it’s not exactly me, I guess being the first is easier. People change, feelings fade, time flies, nothing lasts forever.

So which one are you?

DISCLAIMER: The Female Chauvinist Series Part I and Part II have nothing to do with the author’s personal relationship life. There might be some similarities here and there, especially the classmate-love thingy (obviously) but the stories aren't hers. It’s written for non-academic purposes and mostly as the spokesperson for the gut that won’t comprehend her brain. Your kind thought in not speculating her relationship status and spreading rumors is highly appreciated.

Or, perhaps if you find yourself as one of those who fall into the I-need-stories-to-know-and-tell-or-else-I-would-die category, why not ask her yourself instead of asking her closest friends – they wouldn’t tell you either. (Well, after all, they are HER sweethearts)


Example of one sweetheart of hers whom you SHOULD NOT refer to:
The one in blue - the orange one is for illustration purpose only
Please note that this is not an iklan tudung nor a muka-siapa-paling-perasan contest.

She just celebrated her birthday couple of days ago. I missed it because, well, Mr. Skype is just jealous of both of us. Okay okay my bad. 

Aku dah Skype kau kau hilang tah mana3 pastu kau Skype aku aku plak hilang, okay? Blame the time zone. Eh ingat tak time kita kira benua dalam dunia semua ada berapa? Rindu ah. Tsssk3.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Best viewed with female chauvinist mind Part II: S*** ***I Must Die




Staying in a relationship is never an obligation, nor does it happen by chance. It is always by choice.

The exception to the rule is marriage. (well at least that’s what I feel)

Forget marriage. We are all too young for that. coughbellacough. We have a more important issue happening right here and right now and right inside me. (sounds perv lol)

So my gut has just found another victory. Second victory. Mr YIKES has just proven how jerk-ky asshole-ly useless-ly he can be.

When the world was totally against him with the new girl, he justified his action to my girlfriend (or should I say his ex-besftriend? Ignore it tak penting pun orang sama jugak eventually)

“So tell me is it wrong for me to love someone else? Should I stay in a relationship when my heart is not even in it? I would be lying to myself then. But you people are judging me like it’s the worst thing to follow my own heart.”

This is when the funny part came in. No my dear, it’s not wrong. That’s why I said – staying in a relationship is never an obligation. And it is never wrong to follow what your heart says. (That explains why I’m writing here pouring what MY GUT says) Yes, you are so damn bloody freaking right – why stay in a relationship if it will only hurt yourself?

But the not-so-right thing is, you told the world you walked away from the relationship simply because you couldn’t bear to hurt her. That hurting her is the last thing you would do on Earth. You made them (especially her) believe that she still stands a chance, that once this whole classmate thingy is over, you will be hers again, this time in a more professional real relationship. Yela, couple dengan classmate, apa barang dod. Tak professional lah. Tak seronok. Macam kanak3 Ribena pun ada. I kan famous, kesian You kalau jadi gf I at the same time classmates. Nanti You pressure, dengan lecturers, classmates sendiri, even student3 lain kat Uni. Maklumlah, I kan famous. (gaya bahasa repitisi digunakan sebagai penegasan di sini harap maklum)

And the obviously-not-right-at-all-aka-BLOODY-WRONG thing you did was hanging out with the junior right before her eyes. There were many many many other empty seats, and you two chose the ones right in front of her? It wasn’t like the Cafeteria was full or what; you simply did that to show that you moved on. Apakah ikan itu? (Wtfish?)  And that cute pretty little junior of yours kept making faces like, OMG he is SO mine! Ahah, yours, hell yours. Have him your way, Your Majesty. (Okay I have no problem at all with you Miss Trophy Wife so it stops there)

But then, YIKES! How immature can you be? She’s your classmate, your freaking classmate! You would see her everyday. Well, I know you two don’t talk to each other that much in class, but have a heart, young man. (tapi serius macam noob gila bf-gf classmate terus taknak cakap langsung, hey this is where you have the advantage that other couples don’t – si dia depan mata oh) COUGHbellaCOUGH.

Okay so I think I’m not the person with the most right to talk about this. Bias weh. Tak jadi. So kena tone down slow down jadi demure sikit. Awak tu perempuan, dah la takpandaimasak. (Apakah?)

Dear Mr. YIKES,
You see, I don’t have a single problem with you. I don’t give a freaking damn on who you want to be with. Because I personally think there is NO such thing as “I think you should be with her/him” simply because it seems right to my eyes. No matter how you two look bloody sweet together, or just because your families know each other. No, I believe we should stay in love by choice.

See? We have the same belief. Wah! (muka kagum)

But not MY GUT. S/he (whatever the gender is) truly has a problem with you.

If you ask me yours truly, I would say, I have a bloody freaking HUGE ENORMOUS problem with you simply because you mess with my girlfriend’s life by spilling her stories to others and you seem to be liked by few of my closest dearest people in my life – and they seem not to know what you have been doing simply because you are a bloody good actor trying to cover your own mess in front of them.

Yes, I don’t even care about you and your ex-classmate-girlfriend, your current trophy-wife-girlfriend, or your future whoever-lucky-out-there-girlfriend. The whole relationship thingy was just an excuse for me to pandang slack more towards you. (Okay, I lied. I DO have a problem with your way of looking at the whole classmate bf-gf thingy)

Hey betul okay. Ini classmate saya dulu. Yes, DULU. Sekarang dah jauh beribu batu, nak jadi classmate apa nya. 


Not only a classmate, a best friend, a listener, a Math Chemistry semuasubjekpun tutor, a tempat cari pasal pun ada jugak. Dia segala lah. Thanks to whoever tangan yang tengah tadah doa in the picture praying for our happiness. Ameen.

Eh ye ke praying for our happiness?


COUGHbellaCOUGH.



Now maybe I should get some Strepsils.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Silly Lily.

Ceh orang sibuk3 cakap pasal Lily Batrisya walhal Bella takde pun Facebook, tapi nak sibuk gak. Sengal gila.

Okay serius takde masa nak bukak balik FB walaupun cam kena jugak suruh oleh orang sekeliling sebab manusia ni memang dah melampau macam attention whore segala cari pasal dengan kawan3 saya. Hey semangat kecintaan ke-KMB-an saya sangat hebat okay. GRRRR.

I wonder if after this she would go around hunting KMBians' blogs and bitching around some more. Perhaps even create her own blog to bitch more about her bitchiness.

Bukan masalah saya. Mari abaikan.

So Bandung trip was AWESOME. But that shall be put into words later. Banyak sangat nak cakap, sampai tak tercakap. (walhal memang takde ape nak cakap pun sebab shopping je takhabis3, so cakap shopping je lah apa lagi)

One thing I knew before I took off on Sunday morning, was that I was leaving while many of my friends needed me the most. Yang itu baru dapat Skype lepas bertahun3 (exaggerate, standard perempuan lah) try, tapi tak dapat. Yang ini nak bercerita, tapi masing3 occupied dengan Skype partner, bila dua3 dah free, kena rush pergi KLIA pulak. Yang itu nak Skype memang takyah cakap lah, kalau boleh 24 jam nak tengok muka dia, dah la lama gila tak date. Yang itu baru dapat Skype lepas try call phone asyik missed call je, lepas tu message takde satu pun yang sampai.Yang ini pulak, dah elok3 kat Bandung, tiba3 terbaca Surat Untuk Mama kiriman elektronik beliau. Terus gelabah. Risau. Serius tak tipu.

Surat terbuka untuk kamu yang di situ.

.....

Speechless kejap sebab cam try very hard to get my words out. In MALAY. And by that, I mean, skema penuh bernuansa bergaya dengan lengkap bertatabahasa okay.

Tak3. Itu kerja kamu. Kamu yang hebat dengan kata3 bagai Fynn Jamal gitu.

Aku cakap camni je.

Aku sayang kamu. (pergh intro macam dah menggigil weh) Aku tau kamu sakit kat sana. Aku tau hidup tak mudah kat sana. Aku tau jugak kamu bukan senang nak cerita ceriti bagitau apa yang kamu rasa kat sana. Kalau kamu online Skype pun, mesti merah. Enam belas kali gak ah aku fikir, nak kacau ke tak. Sekali bila kacau, amik ha, memang merah betul. tengah study. Kamu dan buku. Rindu kan zaman dulu3 bila kita sibuk berguling bergolek dengan Jodi Picoult tukar3 buku library guna kad entah siapa3? (alamak lari topik plak) Tapi yang aku paling tau, aku tak selalu ada untuk kamu. Macam terbalik, walhal kamu yang patut busy, ni tak. Aku yang mengada3 lebih. Lepas tu kalau kamu ada, aku ada, dalam satu ruang Encik Skype yang sama, kadang3 kita takde sekali. Faham tak faham tak? Kamu online, aku online, aku tegur, kamu takde, tinggal Skype macam tu je. Lepas tu kamu reply, aku pulak dah tidur laptop tak shutdown internet tak disconnect. Skype pun online lah, walhal aku dah mimpi entah sampai mana3. Tapi mungkin kamu tak tau yang aku serius risau gila bila aku tau kamu sedih. Takpayah tunggu kamu cerita, aku tau sendiri. Eceh psychic lah pulak. Walhal baca blog sudah. And recently, paling aku marah bila kamu cakap apa yang diorang buat. Aku tak tau in details, tapi aku rasa aku macam boleh nampak la sikit3. Aku marah. Nak kata sedih, boleh la. Tapi lagi banyak marah. Apa hak diorang buat camtu kat kamu? (okay aku plak emo) Tsskkkk3. Serius, aku cam tak reti nak cakap banyak nak3 bila aku sendiri tak tau apa sebenarnya yang jadi, tapi aku harap sangat kamu boleh let go. Open up. Hidup ni memang tak mudah, tapi sekurang3nya kita tahu ada lagi orang yang sanggup mendengar, bukan sebab tanggungjawab, tapi sebab diorang sendiri yang nak. Dan aku nak kamu tahu, aku nak jadi orang itu untuk kamu.

Kamu yang di situ,

Kamu faham kan?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Best viewed with a female chauvinist mind set.

Why do people always claim that women are complicated, when the fact that most of our problem (women’s) are actually caused by MEN?

I know this one guy. When I say ‘know’, I really mean know. I mean, know by his name. Never talked to him, not even exchanged smiles. Let’s name him Mr. I-Know-Your-Name-It-Stops-There, abbreviated as Mr. IKYNIST. (pronounced Yikes, like YUCKS or something)

So everyone thought Mr. IKYNIST is a really good catch. Or WAS, should I say. He’s good looking, he’s charming, witty, everything a man should (not) be. Not sure about his brain, but he surely has something to make people like him. Yes, he’s so freaking famous that everyone wanted to know him and be his friends.

Except me.

I’m not sure why, but I really have a weird feeling towards him. It’s like something telling me that there was something that wasn’t right about him. No, we never talked. I had absolutely NOTHING to do with him. But somehow my gut just said no when it comes to him. No, he’s not that cute. No, he’s not that kind. And most of all, no, he’s certainly NOT that CATCH.

And apparently this Mr. IKYNIST had a girlfriend. His own *cough*classmate*cough*. The whole world thought they were such a cute couple. That girl was demure enough to fit his wit only not that good looking. That made people even more ‘amazed’ by his awesome powerful love as they thought he could have settled for someone (physically) better. Story short, one fine day, they broke up. His excuse was – they were better off as friends. As classmates. He didn’t want to hurt her if anything ever happened. His love was too PURE and ENORMOUS and HUMONGOUS that he couldn’t bear the idea of hurting her. CINTA AGUNG wtfish. Despite it was his decision to walk away from the relationship, he showed the world how devastated he was. The world bought it. OMG Mr. IKYNIST was hurt. OMG he’s so sweet to have that kind of thought. OMG I couldn’t believe there’s still a man who loves his girl strong enough not to hurt her and let her go.

But what makes me more suspicious pandang-slack towards this guy was that he became close to my dearest girlfriend! Let’s call this girlfriend Ms. Please-Don’t-Be-Stupid-Enough-To-Fall-For-Him. Abbreviated Ms. PDBSETFFH. (pronounced however you wish). They have been friends since like, forever. When this girl was going through a painful breakup with her ex, he was there. Now that he was going through it, she was there for him. But looking at the texts that they have been exchanging, (no, she gave them for me to read, I didn’t curi tengok okay), the first thing that came to my mind was, this guy was sure hell flirting with her. Man, nak break sebab sayang sangat tak sanggup tengok kau terluka sangat lah. Then you go around flirting with my girlfriend to buat apa? She was on cloud nine for a while, but reality set in. I kept telling her how my gut (yes, it’s my gut okay, not me) was feeling about him. She knew I was being protective, so she agreed. Gave him more time to show what exactly he’s trying to do.

And he kept being him. He wrote poems – friendship poems (lah sangat) for her. Send her song lyrics to tell her how meaningful their friendship was, how thankful he was for having her as a friend. Weh siapa tak cair dod? For me, I was like, hell, you like love (sayang) her as friend, cukup lah. Save all the poems, lyrics, notes for your future (if any) girlfriendS (notice the CAPITAL S). Wtfish tulis benda3 alah tu kat bestfriend? I remember one of his words, something that went like, we will always have each other.Even if they have their own lovers, they will still stick together. Ye lah, kawan kan. Kalau couple boleh break, kawan mana boleh break, forever lah. *mata berkaca3*

Til one day my gut finally found his (her?) victory. This Mr. IKYNIST apparently became close with his junior who’s like gila cantik (suits him lah kan?). Their status is still unknown, but everyone was against him like hell. Yeah, one minute you said you so bloody devastated breaking up with your girlfriend, next minute you were flirting with your so-called best friend, next next minute, you are with this one hot girl who’s a year younger than you? Wtfish? Trophy wife kah? And can’t you be more civilized? You broke up with your ex who’s also your classmate whom you will be seeing everyday (that if you don’t take fake sick leave), work with her in discussions, might even end up in the same Oral Assessment group! *coughcough* What happen to the OMG-I’m-So-Thankful-I-Found-You best friend? Nothing. He went like nothing happened, leaving her without a word, not a single text message. Pergh dulu semangat cakap kalau I ada girlfriend I sure cerita kat You sebab You lain, I tetap akan sayang You as kawan I yang selalu ada untuk I. Ayat-ayat cinta segala.

I don’t understand what this guy has been seeking actually. I still have absolutely NOTHING to do with him, but the fact that my gut has been feeding me with stuff (stuff that the brain cannot comprehend) and he was actually close to my girlfriend makes me more disgusted.

Now he’s officially Mr. I-Know-Your-Name-I-Know-What-You-Did-It-Makes-Me-(andmygut)-Sick.

MEN.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

OMG-OKAY-POST.

Been drooling over this.



Only to realize that those people that I used to drool together over him are now far far away.

Feel so alone, til this came up.


















OMG. OKAY. INSAF.








Friday, November 5, 2010

Forever And More - I Love You.

I guess that's what the word FAMILY stands for.

What do you call your father? Papa Daddy Abah Ayah Abi etc? I call mine Ayah. When I was in high school, some of my schoolmates made fun of the name - AyAh and not AyOh as Terengganu-ans should be using. I didn't matter to me, though.

Ayah is in HR, he deals with people. I always love it when he talks about his day interviewing people, especially for UTP intake. During my time, he interviewed my friends. And most people would say he's a bit psychotic. Scary. Yes, he believes in seeing the other side of people. He's not the interviewer you expect to ask about academics, school achievements, etc. He often asks on what you can offer to the institution you are applying. He makes people sing, act, even recite Quran verses during interviews. I remember once when he made a student from Kedah (oh yes, he has a HUGE thing for Kedah since he's from there) sang the state song. While standing straight. Sort of like singing Negaraku with tremendous respect and loyalty to the country, only that it was the Kedah state song. And there was this one boy who asked to switch to another surah because he was too panicked he couldn't remember the first verse of surah As-Sajdah.

Now how often do you find an interviewer who does that?

Ayah loves to forward emails from his colleagues. They are all HR people, who I guess pretty much have the same kind of thinking as he is. Funny ones, silly ones, stupid ones, informative ones, religious ones, name it.

And recently I found this in my Inbox.

****************************

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.

He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, made the last decision.

The director discovered from the CV, that the youth's academic result is excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never has a year he did not score.

The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarship in school?" and the youth answered "none".

The director asked, " Is it your father pay for your school fees?" the youth answered, my father passed away when I was one year old, it is my mother who paid for my school fees.

The director asked, " Where did your mother worked?" the youth answered, my mother worked as cloth cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hand, the youth showed a pair of hand that is smooth and perfect to the director.

The director asked, " Did you ever help your mother washed the cloth before?" The youth answered, never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books, furthermore, my mother can wash cloths faster than me.

The director said, I had a request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother's hand, and then see me tomorrow morning.

The youth felt that its chance of landing the job is high, when he went back, he happily wanted to clean his mother's hand, his mother feel strange, happy but mixed with fear, she showed her hand to the kid.

The youth cleaned his mother's hand slowly, his tear drop down as he did that. It is first time he found his mother's hand is so wrinkled, and there are so many bruises in her hand. Some bruises incites pains so strong that shiver her mother's body when cleaned with water.

This is the first time the youth realized and experienced that it is this pair of hand that washed the cloth everyday to earn him the school fees, the bruises in the mother's hand is the price that the mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and probably his future.

After finishing the cleaning of his mother hand, the youth quietly cleaned all remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and sons talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office

The director noticed the tear in the youth's eye, asked: " Can you tell you what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'

The director asked, " please tell me your feeling."

The youth said, Number 1, I knew what is appreciation, without my mother, there would not the successful me today. Number 2, I knew how to work together with my mother, then only I can realize how difficult and tough to get something done. Number 3, I knew the importance and value of family relationship.

The director said, " This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of other, a person that knew the suffering of others to get thing done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my manager. You are hired. 

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates, every employees worked diligently and in a team, the company's result improved tremendously.


A child who has been protected and habitually given whatever he did, he developed "entitlement mentality" and always put himself first. He is ignorance of his parent's effort. When he started work, he assumed every people must listen to him, and when he became a manager, he would never know how suffering his employee and always blame others. For this kind of people, he can have good result, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement, he will grumble and full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parent, did we love the kid or destroy the kid?

You can let your kid lived in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experienced it. After a meal, let them washed their plate and bowl together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parent are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learn how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learn the ability to work with others to get
thing done.


****************************


Only now we understand why. Kan?




Forever My Father




There's another email from him that I wish to share, but that would be later.


Because somehow I always feel that posting long entries is a bit gay-ish. Haish.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

We all live in Bikini Bottom, after all.

Bella is feeling wonderful.

Why?

Because someone sent her a postcard.


Why?

Because that someone went to Chicago.


Why?

Because she’s studying in The States.


Why?

Because JPA sent her to Iowa State University.

Why?

Because she did great when she was at INTI.

Why?

Because she loves Engineering.

Why?

Because she already has a friend doing Medicine.

Why?

Because MARA took her friend in for Medicine scholarship to do IB but after two years she’s still in Malaysia.

Why?

Because she hasn’t got her Diploma yet.

Why?

Because she was too careless when checking her TOK Essay.

Why?

Because she sucks at TOK so badly but now she feels it happened for a reason.

Why?

Because if it wasn’t because of that, her friend in The States wouldn’t be able to send her a postcard fresh from Chicago straight to her house, but things could still be different anyway.

Why?

Because she knows she has an amazing friend at the other world’s end.

Why?

Because..

Distance is only some space.
Separation is just a matter of time.
And time is all we have now.





Thanks Ara, you really3 made my day (and night, and week, and.. *insert whatever left in me here*)

I WANT TO BE YOUR SPONGEBOB. AND I WANT YOU TO BE MINE.

=)

Monday, November 1, 2010

A simple hi won't hurt, right?

Let’s talk Facebook. Yes, the ultimate time-draining-attention-sucking-mind-possessing-Facebook. It’s not just having A Facebook account, it’s THE Facebook. Everyone loves Facebook. I do. Except that I don’t have any at the moment. FAQ: Frequently Asked Question // Freakingly Avoided Questions “Why did you deactivate your FB?” Last night after not being able to go online for about one week, I had three people asking me that question. Theories: 1. She’s depressed. 2. She’s depressed. 3. She’s depressed. I would say, I WAS depressed. Yela, mana tak nya. Koyak kot. I was in denial for weeks. But when things have gotten too much, they became unbearable. I got tired of questions. Not that I didn’t want to answer them. It’s that I didn’t even have the answers. So apa lagi. Tutup kedai lah. *Top Up Habis Dijual* (mentang3 kerja Maxis, apakah?) But seriously honestly frankly speaking from the bottom of my heart, yes, I was too depressed that I couldn’t face the world. Good friends were taking off, and I was still there, not knowing what was going to happen. And at one point, I thought the world has stopped spinning since he left. Lawak gila. Macamlah dia paksi orbit bumi alam semesta segala. Oh jangan bunuh matahariku. (again, apakah?) But that was once. The first step to solve problems is to admit you have them. Takkan sampai bila3 pun nak in denial lagi tak payah hidup la kalau macam tu. Memang sampai bila3 tak belajar accept things. So she moved on. Found some stuff to do. Settled down. Learnt that seven hours difference is nothing but a geographical factor. (tipu gila walhal 7 jam memang sesuatu yang amat sangatlah member kesan perubahan gaya hidup) HAHAH tengok, denial lagi. Haih. But no, really. She’s doing better than what she thought. Tapi kenapa masih menghilang di Facebook? A friend’s theory while Skyping: “Haaaa kau jeles ehhhhh?” Alahai kalau aku jeles serius dah lama dengan Blogspot Skype YM aku tutup kedai. Duduk rumah diam3 taknak cakap dengan orang. Sikit punya sempit lah. (I know he was just teasing, no harsh feelings okay) If you ask me, I dare say you would be surprised to find out how many friends you actually have in real life once you are thousands miles away left out with no FB account. You are not how many friends you have on FB. You are not how many likes you receive every time you post a status. You are not how many friend requests left pending in your inbox. You are not how many invites you receive to play Farmville, MafiaWars, Baking Life and etc etc. (sorry I never played FB games so I’m a bit clueless about them) You will be surprised knowing how many people actually try to reach you by other means – YM Skype even handset when there is no FB account. Alright, I have made a statement before I will not add people on FB unless I feel the need to, and neither will I approve friend requests that I don’t know. (and I don’t even want to know) And I am not the type who post status updating their lives sharing feelings thoughts etc, neither do I comment on others’ posts. Mungkin ada, tapi sangat jarang lah. I wrote on my friends’ wall, mengarut meraban sikit, (atau mungkin banyak) and that’s about it. So bila orang tak cari saya bila saya hilang kat FB, saya tak pelik lah. Saya memang tak ramai kawan pun. But come to think of it, why bother about those who don’t go looking for you? Think of those who actually search your name on Skype, ask around whether you are online or invisible, call you to ask if you are okay. Seronok weh. Serius tak tipu. Rasa dihargai. Sebab tau diri sendiri memang tak cari orang, so bila orang cari kita ingat lagi memang touching habis ah. Ada yang siap call. Wuhuu terharu segala. So now when people ask me why I still haven’t reactivated my FB account, I would answer because I’m lazy. Malas. Takde kaitan dah dengan tekanan perasaan emosi mental semua, just plain malas. But more, I’m contented. I have my friends already on Skype and handphone. And we talk to each other when we need to. I don’t consider myself as someone with many many many friends (Bella boring kot, celah mana ramai kawan), so I’m really3 at ease with my closest friends around. I have my Adam in UK, KN Izleen Nabilah in Ireland, Ridhu in India, Ara in US, and few more names who really mean something to me. I like being on FB, keeping each other updated, stalking people, silently observing. But for now I feel that I can live without it – for I know I have real friends outside FB and not just “You have 97 pending friend requests”. Maka terjawablah sudah persoalan kenapa Bella takde FB. (ceh macam ramai je sibuk nak tau walhal baru tadi buat statement tak ramai kawan) Poyo poyo. Boo! Why do I talk FB today? Because I caught my supervisor the consultant approving friend requests on his FB while assigning me with tasks to do. Macam seronok je jadi bos?