Thursday, March 27, 2014

Happiness is knowing that Allah loves me more than my mom does.

We all need a little reminder every now and then about life and its purpose. So when a friend sent me a link to this video, I cried a little inside. I know the words by heart, but most of the times they are just mere words. It's when I truly stop and listen only then I can really feel it. 

"Happiness is knowing that Allah loves me more than my mom does." - IS, 2013

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Having kids.

The last few days Adam has been asking about kids. About my thoughts on having kids. Our kids.


Alright chill people we are talking about life after graduation here, not something in the nearest time chillz yo.

The first time he asked, I couldn't remember what my answer was. But then when he asked again the very next day, I replied by asking if he remembered that he had actually asked the same question the day before.

Bella: You do realise that you've only asked this question yesterday right?
Adam: Yes, but you haven't answered.

And man I tell you this thanggg has just got serious.

Having kids is one of my biggest scare. No it's not the physical pain of bearing them that scares me. Dude, we medics are trained to deal with pain, remember? It's the psychological aspect of it. It's the idea of bringing a child into this confused world that scares the heck out of me. Do I let them watch the TV near Maghrib time when Ninja Boy is airing? What if they ask about the missing plane and the bomohs, what do I tell them? What do I do if they refuse to pray berjemaah? What if they throw tantrum in the middle of the shopping mall when I'm too busy choosing handbags and my bimbo mode is on the scale of 11.5 over 10?

Right I sound like a paranoid mum. A bimbo one.

Then there's the question of love. Will I love my kids enough to wake up in the middle of the night when they cry for milk? Boobs milk. Or will I simply nudge Adam and say, "Wake up baby, your kid's calling" and snooze back to my dreamland?

Agak agak macam mana perasaan mak kita sayang kita? 

Nothing compares to a mom's love for her children and I've always wondered. Even the Quran says that there are two specific things that we humans are deeply attached to.

I talked to a friend about this yesterday and she said it's pretty similar to the fear of getting married. Can anyone ever claim that they are ready to be a good spouse? I guess you never know until you become one.

I say it's quite different. I mean, even if you are lousy at house chores and cooking for example, your spouse is not going to die from starvation. There are take-aways, deliveries, you name it. But with a child? Can you afford to be lousy at parenting and nurturing them? *cringe*

There's also the fact that Adam and I have never really lived under the same roof. The longest would be around two months. Being the clingy wife I am, attention is the major question here. When we finally get to live in our own house one day. Like, finally. Undivided attention, hello?

I'm far from being a good wife, now we're talking about a good mother?

I guess it's just a feeling of personal inadequacy at the moment. Perhaps in time I'll grow and learn along the way, as I strive to become a better version of myself today.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Malaysia & You Belfast 2014.

First off I would like to truly apologise to MnU 2014 committees if I appear on what were supposed to be committee pictures. It's not that I am desperate to be in the pictures, it's just that I am such a clingy wife that I prefer to be with him all the time. And it's mutual. When we go to events or our friends/relatives' houses you will find us together 90% of the time. Together as if, sitting/standing next to each other. Seriously. We just like being together. Holding hands is optional though. When people invite one of us to their places or events, they always make sure there's a spot for the other half. There was once back in college years when Adam had a committee meal or something and I came along and the committees all knew it beforehand - Adam always comes in two. And same here. Except that I'm such a wallflower so a group meal is out of question. Lol.

We really like each other you see.

This also explains why I am always by his side in most of the pictures.

MnU 2014 committees plus a clingy wife

The Director with his events Directors
Thic can't get any more confusing.

The fourth years with a wife and a girlfriend. There's Jit Tong's girlfriend, Melissa in white dress so that neutralises things a bit. Lol.

Family Day's dinner

I would definitely tahan the pain of walking the stairs in heels just for the dress. The dress I was wearing actually has a bustle that forms a small trail at the back. Added to the fact that it is already too long for me since petite sized dresses are almost non-existent, the stairs really accentuates the length of the dress. Gigih tahan sakit kaki pakai heels. Sanggup okay, sanggup!

The Director's girlfriend (2012) and wife (2014)

And finally. This.

The picture so beautiful I can't even D:

Of course he's my husband and I'm in the picture so I can be biased but who cares.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

The runaway bride (and groom).

Malaysia & You Belfast
9th March 2014
Belfast City Hall

Sunday, March 2, 2014

27 Days of Home: Day twelve to twenty-seven.

I have a confession tsk. I hate thinking about my blog knowing that I haven't finished what I started and now that I'm already back in the UK reminiscing sweet ol' memories of people and good food back in Malaysia is the last thing I need. Not good not good.

So I'm just going to take a deep breath and go through this in a breeze phew just for the sake of finishing it okay so emo wth.

Day 12: Friday, 07/02/14 - A date with Izleen

Went to Times Square because I'm a hipster like that and of course we're still young like all those bunch of teenagers with nothing good to do they spend time working on their leg muscles (haha) at Times Square, Sungei Wang, BB Plaza etc. Wait that sounds like me in my golden years hahahaha!

Anyways, ramblings aside, here's Izleen and a little one in her tummeh.

It was reeeeeeally good to see her and poke her tummy omg what is wrong with me! She's due before August when I'm coming home again yes people I'm going back for Raya inshaAllah I'm truly sorry to see my bank account sobs. Anyways, she's due long before that so the little one won't get to see her Aunty Bella (wah so old!) until a few months later! Sads.

On another side note, now that Nina's pregnant too I'm pretty sure my ovaries are under massive pressure.

Day 13: Saturday, 08/02/14 - Home

Day 14: Sunday, 09/02/14 - A date with Teacher Ima

One of the things on my MUST-DO LIST everytime I return back to Malaysia! We met at Carrefour Wangsamaju (now AEON Big) because it's the only place we're comfortable driving to without getting lost -.-

Oh yes, back in Malaysia I kinda had a thing for seluar tidur for whatever reason

It was quite a short meet up because I brough my kids along (Syahirah and Adam Jr) and Teacher Ima brought hers too (Faris and Faris) and I was supposed to shop for stuff to bring back to UK and I hate to make them wait.

Now that I think about it.. I miss her already :(

Day 15-18: Monday, 10-13/02/14 - Thursday, 13/02/14

Nope I can't recall doing anything interesting on these days. They were probably filled with stuffy nostrils and boxes of tissues, truckloads of laundry and precious family time of arguing who should move from the sofa and who was the last person to leave the kitchen light on. Fun times.

Day 19: Friday, 14/02/14 - Jija's surprise birthday party

This had to be one of the most fun part towards the end of my break. Jija's boyfriend arranged a surprise birthday party for her and I was invited! Wowowo now how frequent can I tell people that I was once part of surprise party? None. Except this one. Hahaha! With my awkward social skills.. Hmm.. No I'm not the social butterfly who gets invited to exciting things. Which I am totally fine with that (and quite happy about it actually). But the best part of the party was.. It wasn't just me who got invited! I was invited as part of the Jija's bros (yes, I am not a bro I get it nvm) so Ezzad and Naqi were there too! Had Ezzad to pick me up from home which he came all the way from Pavillion only to pick me up and drove back to Wangsa Walk, mannn that was like, the good old days. And ohh, I got to meet his girlfriend too! Wink wink. Haa geli kan. Luls.

Funny thing was, these are the only people that I know in the party. There were like, twenty something friends of Jija but strangers to me whom I had no idea who was who so I was like, mehhh. Let's just form an awkward bunch of friends here. Literally. We sat at a corner watching people and making jokes among ourselves. How fun.

Anyways, thank you Jija's boyfriend for having us!

Day 20: Saturday, 15/02/14 - Family time

Saturday was when we went to Taman Tasik Dato Keramat as a family. Yes as a family! We (by that I mean Ayah and I) managed to drag Ummi and Syahirah this time. Adam Jr couldn't make it though due to a replacement class on Saturday. I thought it was ridiculous. He's only 12, what replacement class? Pfft. Anyways, in the afternoon I went to pick Afiq up at Shah Alam YES PEOPLE I DROVE ALL THE WAY TO SHAH ALAM. But then with Syahirah and Adam Jr along la because my parents still wouldn't trust me with the car alone -.-

That evening we had early dinner at Seoul Garden Festival City, taking three different cars with us. I think it was pretty amusing since Ayah and Ummi were in one car, coming from Sri Gombak. Then there was me and my kids (-.-!) Syahirah, Afiq and Adam Jr in another car, coming from PV8 after getting back from Shah Alam. The last to arrive was Zahid in his own car coming from God-knows-where.

Don't know why Afiq so garang face like that

Day 21: Sunday, 16/02/14 - More family time

I really have to write about this one eventhough I haven't got any picture of the day because it was my first time dipping into the swimming pool at our place. YES MY FIRST TIME IN ALMOST 4 YEARS LIVING THERE. It was... Okay. I don't think it was very attractive to wear a turtleneck inner shirt and yoga pants with a swimming cap as your entire swimming outfit, but anyways, that's what I did. Note to self: buy a proper swimming attire next time.

Sunday afternoon, my mom in law picked me up for a Sunday lunch at Mak Ngah and Uncle Ali's -- my in-laws. Us - Abuya, Umi, Danial, Mak Ngah, Uncle Ali and myself. This had to be one of the important dates in my married life since it was my first time meeting Uncle Ali properly. How thoughtful of me -.- To make it worse, I didn't take any photos. Sigh.

Sent Danial back to school and went to Wan's place that night. Had terung bakar and sambal udang. This time around Wan made it really spicy - serves me right though. Nak sangat pedas, amek ha.

Day 22-23: Monday and Tuesday, 17-18/02/14 - Staying with mil

The usual stuff with Umi - finalising the new house, good food and some shopping. Then came the real deal.

Beef ribs at Tony Roma's! 
Gosh I still can taste the succulent ribs man I'm dying for it now ugh

Umi's lamb ribs - which I have to admit, after three times of having beef ribs, I am so going to order this one next time. It was just as good!

Pina colada - Tsara's favourite

It was such a good dinner that Umi even thanked me for suggesting where to eat when in fact it should be the other way round -- just to show you how good our dinner was! This was my second time having Tony Roma's with Umi, and the first one wasn't very impressive despite Adam, Tsara and myself were the one who convinced Umi to eat there. But this time, this time was just perfect! I'm still dreaming about it man. Til next summer, Tony!

Notice how I get all excited when it comes to food? -.-

Okay enough about them.

Umi sent me home on Tuesday night and life had to go on.

Day 24-26: Wednesday - Friday, 19-21/02/14 - Last few days at home

Met Farah Afiqah on Thursday night at Mamak Corner depan rumah. See how convenient to have mamak place just outside your house? Lol. Talked about so many things, especially life now that we're coming to the age of 24 and many of my friends have already started working. Even Ara now works at KLCC (what is this thing about my friends and KLCC??!?!!) sigh. Didn't take a picture of us though, which was probably a good thing since both of us were so selebet - her coming back from a badminton session while myself, well, cakap depan rumah, memang sah sah la selebet. Pseesh.

Went to pick Afiq up at Shah Alam on Thursday, this time ALONE since Syahirah couldn't come back early and Adam Jr had sekolah agama. I nearly gave my mom heart attack though when she saw me in the car alone when I dropped by at her school before going to pick Afiq up. Nevertheless, all is well.


Well technically, I used to drive alone when my parents weren't in KL.

So that's not really the case.

But this time Ayah even acknowledged that he approved my driving, ALONE.


But still am at parking though -.-

That night we went for the the last great dinner for Nasi Arab. Notice how I mentioned 'great'? Because it's so hard to get everyone together these days! Adjusting to the fact that there are now 7 of us living under the same roof was pretty tricky. Well actually there are hundreds of us under the same roof considering it's a condo but that's a different story.

That aside, I spent the last night at home throwing tantrum. Sebab kena packing. It's almost like a ritual that I'd spend the day before flying back to UK throwing tantrum. Emosi okay.

Day 27: Saturday, 22/02/14 - UK gua datang

Heading takleh nak otai lagi.

Yeah so it's that day when I finally had to come to term with reality. It was this time that I realised, I don't do sappy goodbyes. I don't know how to cry and say how I feel when it comes to separation. I'd rather keep it quick and clean and save the tears for myself.

Hence semua muka selenga kat airport

But on a happier note I got another free ice blended this time! Here how it went. I went to Coffee Bean looking for Kak Halimah that I met earlier just to say hi. Apparently she wasn't in until later in the afternoon. That was fine. But the other barrista (are they even one?) who answered to me asked if I wanted anything. Told him I've eaten but then he asked me to choose something as Kak Halimah has a free meal allowance or something that allows her to have whatever she wants for free! And I was like, will she be okay with it but he just went like, naahhh, it's okay just choose something. In the end I asked him to surprise me with an ice blended and he made me this!

Surprisingly similar to what Kak Halimah gave me earlier, no? Hihi Alhamdulillah rejeki!

Flight KUL - LON was delayed for two hours and I had a veeeeery tight transit and Heathrow is such a maaaaassive airport but Alhamdulillah I made it to Belfast on the same day!


Anyway, all that aside, Alhamdulillah, I am now safe and sound back in Leicester for more than a week now. Gonna start my first rotation tomorrow and I'm having mixed feelings about it. Fine it's only induction week but well... (I can't remember what I wanted to say earlier)

Here's to a good week inshaAllah!

Boy am I relieved I finished this whole #27daysofhome thing. Alhamdulillah.