Banjir 2014.

A little update from our end concerning East Coast floods, for my own reminder in future.

My brother, Zahid, is currently stranded at Masjid Kampung Jengka, on his way back from KL to Kerteh. Nearly 3 days now. Ada la dalam 300 orang berkampung sekali kat sana. And Alhamdulillah, makanan semua cukup 3 kali sehari - sometimes nasi, sardin and ikan kering can do wonders. And he said hikmah semua ni, he can jemaah 5 waktu, plus iktikaf sekali. At some point we couldn't reach him on the phone sebab internet line disrupted and flat battery, but Alhamdulillah everything is sorted for now, and he's been keeping us updated.

Far as I know, none of my close relatives are affected by the floods. My kampung in Selising, Pasir Puteh is still standing, and our house in Paka, Terengganu is still there, albeit looking like a zoo, Zahid cakap. I think Indera Mahkota, Kuantan is not affected as well. Alhamdulillah.

But my family in general has been working on relief missions, getting supplies to the affected areas. My mom's side is Kelantanese, so this somewhat feels a little personal. Looking at the WhatsApp threads, my uncles have been updating everyone on the latest development - jalan mana tutup, what's the best way to help, etc. And that includes my dad as well. He brought the younger siblings (Afiq and Adam) to Manik Urai to help.

Speaking of Ayah, have I mentioned that he's no longer working? He retired earlier this year, at the age of 50. I remember he always told us he wanted to retire early, and that by the age of 50 he will be free from mortgages and debts. I'm not sure about the mortgage since I think PV8 tu belum habis bayar lagi haha, but boy he sure did retire early. Since then he's been doing his own side business, and on top of that actively joining relief/dakwah particularly in remote area, ie kawasan orang asli.

A little anecdote about Ayah, there was one time we were travelling on the road from Kelantan to Kedah, going through hills and small villages. We came across a bunch of orang asli kids happily walking by the road side, presumably after coming back from one of the local air terjun. Ayah stopped the car and talked to them, giving them some money and biscuits as small gestures. We were all like, what was he doing? I mean did the kids not get offended when a random passerby gave them money when they were probably as happy and contented as the birds? But no, they were very grateful and didn't seem to mind it, if not welcome the small hadiah as I would say. And since then, Ayah tried to make it a point to bring some food and old nice clothes to give to the orang asli kids, should we meet any on the road.

Which speaking of, Ayah once brought a peminta sedekah into the house when we were in Paka, and gave away Ummi's Hush Puppies old shoes for him to give to his child, which understandably made Ummi upset. Haha -_-

So that's a little update on banjir from our end. And a little story about Ayah. Meanwhile sama sama doakan untuk Malaysia, the floods, the missing plane, and all its entirety. InshaAllah.

If you're in UK/Eire :)

Last chapter. Welcome home.

So if I'm honest the last chapter of my winter break is all about me coming home to Nadd (dawww), and spend two days in my solitary space. Okay there's the sea of people on Boxing Day but I'll let that pass for now.

Two days, before being invaded by this guy again.

Oh darling your toes so sexy. *creepy stalker wife alert

I so want to write about my adventures for the past two weeks, but that requires time and energy and commitment and undivided attention (considering I have the attention span of a goldfish), so I guess that can wait.

Meanwhile the rest of my winter break shall be filled with revision (hopefully). And of course the annoying sound of mouse clicks from darling hubs playing Dota. 

Is there such thing as a click-less mouse? That's going to be my wedding gift to him when we move in together at some point.

Second chapter. Meet Adam's family.

Giant's Causeway for the second time (Adam's fifth), what's not to love?

First chapter. Tiga kali weekend.

So one chapter of my winter holiday, has finally come to an end.

Three weeks with my parents around Europe have been incredibly full of lessons.

But if there are two things that I really learnt from this trip, they would be of patience and responsibilities.

Patience

One of my struggles in life is to be patient when it concerns time and people. And just because I am pretty quick and sharp, I tend to lose my patience with slow-moving things. I get restless. There was a time during a road trip around Ireland when my dad asked, "Since when you've become short-tempered?". I am not. I never was. But that question really got me. I know I am not the most patient person on Earth, but am I really that short-tempered? My dad can be the randomest people you'll ever meet - and he can be either incredibly fascinating or annoyingly frustrating. And when my mind decides it's the latter, I snap. Often rather too quickly.

Followed by guilt. Sebab rasa bersalah bila annoyed dengan orang. (This is towards people in general, I do have low treshold with people - not proud of it!!). Kadang kadang bila Ayah/Ummi tanya soalan banyak kali, I'd quickly remind myself, I was once the annoying kid who asked annoying things too frequently. Among my siblings, I am the most 'menjawab'. Bila cakap sepatah, ada je yang nak jawab. So when my parents tanya benda sama a few times, I'd keep telling myself, they were patient with me once, how can I not be patient to them? I am here today because of them. I have my values today because of them.

And my mom said, "Remember that we're getting older, not younger."

Macam mana konon nak berbakti kat dorang kalau time travel ni pun dah kurang sabar?

Nanges.


Responsibilities

Selama ni hidup single, husband jauh, family lagi jauh, so hari hari fikir pasal diri sendiri je. Dinner makan apa, exam nak study apa, train balik placement pukul berapa.

And masa ni jugak lah I feel like I was being tested on my responsibilities. I have my parents to be with, my placement in Boston that demanded a good three-hour travelling, my husband who's having his finals that I wish I could be there for, my end of block exam to study for, and finally, my own self, my own sanity to take care of. Belum masuk tanggungjawab kat Allah lagi. Panggg.

And because I so often put people I love way before myself, I tend to overlook the second last bit - my own sanity. The last bit kita cakap lain kali.

So I broke down every now and them. I cried to myself every now and then. I cried out of frustration as I feel inadequate over things. As a wife. As a daughter. As a student. As a human being. As a slave to God.

Tanggungjawab is a big word. Tanggungjawab terhadap emosi dan perasaan is even bigger. If you're anything like me - care too much, feel too deep, overthink everything, you'd probably understand. Emotion is hard work. And to be responsible over my own emotions, is even harder.

Tanggungjawab. Terhadap diri sendiri. How can I take care of people when I can't even look after myself?

Nak type ni pun tengah emosi. Baru lepas hantar Ayah and Ummi kat boarding gate balik Malaysia, waiting for my own flight balik Dublin. Emosi, tahu?

I had very little responsibilities all these while, ni baru nak test sikit dah gelabah.

Dah tu cane nak jadi mak? Tsk tsk.

Sebenarnya best je cuti ni, emosi je lebih. Bella kot. Lain kali lah cerita gembira sikit. Harap harapnya. Meanwhile lemme balik and pull myself together first. 

#mirrorselfie #win - Lin, 2014

Euphoric.

And knackered.

More adventures to come!