everyone's dying.

last sunday, my parents and i had an open talk about me.

how i don't want to do medicine.

how i hate biology since i was form three.

how i dread all those people in white uniforms.

how i despise those bitter pills and flush them down the toilet whenever i have the chance to.

and

how i end up doing IB at kolej mara banting, doing preparation for medicine.

oh i really hate the M-word.

it is not like we never had an open talk before, but this time i really could not take it. i'm freaked out. i'm afraid i would be a university drop out one day. i'm scared that i might fail my interview just because i couldn't answer the evil-est question;

WHY MEDICINE??

i really have no answer for that. should i just open up and say, "my parents want me to be a doctor. the make me do this" ? hell no. one year passed, and i still don't have a thing for medicine. in fact, i still hate biology!

finally dad said, "if you want to quit, you can just quit now. we do want you to be a doctor, but if you think you cannot make it, then what's the point of continuing. but you have to consider everything. you won't get any scholarship. and everything you do, the risk is yours."

but mom still wants me to be a doctor.

"we've been saving money for you, for your future hospital."

i really hate this conversation. it brings me nowhere. i'm torn. i do want to make them happy, but i cannot risk my whole life for something that i'm not even sure of.

this evening, i received a text message from mom.

"take care, don't forget to take your medications. dad is very much concerned about our discussion last week. but just to let you know, i'm willing to stay with you wherever you are in your final year, if that's what you need. even if that means leaving my family behind."

i AM your family. we ARE family, mom.

and family sticks together.

i WILL be a doctor. or at least, get a medical degree.

there is no such thing as turning points in life, let alone MY life.