Monday, July 20, 2009

everyone's dying.

last sunday, my parents and i had an open talk about me.

how i don't want to do medicine.
how i hate biology since i was form three.
how i dread all those people in white uniforms.
how i despise those bitter pills and flush them down the toilet whenever i have the chance to.


how i end up doing IB at kolej mara banting, doing preparation for medicine.

oh i really hate the M-word.

it is not like we never had an open talk before, but this time i really could not take it. i'm freaked out. i'm afraid i would be a university drop out one day. i'm scared that i might fail my interview just because i couldn't answer the evil-est question;


i really have no answer for that. should i just open up and say, "my parents want me to be a doctor. the make me do this" ? hell no. one year passed, and i still don't have a thing for medicine. in fact, i still hate biology!

finally dad said, "if you want to quit, you can just quit now. we do want you to be a doctor, but if you think you cannot make it, then what's the point of continuing. but you have to consider everything. you won't get any scholarship. and everything you do, the risk is yours."

but mom still wants me to be a doctor.
"we've been saving money for you, for your future hospital."

i really hate this conversation. it brings me nowhere. i'm torn. i do want to make them happy, but i cannot risk my whole life for something that i'm not even sure of.

this evening, i received a text message from mom.

"take care, don't forget to take your medications. dad is very much concerned about our discussion last week. but just to let you know, i'm willing to stay with you wherever you are in your final year, if that's what you need. even if that means leaving my family behind."

i AM your family. we ARE family, mom.

and family sticks together.

i WILL be a doctor. or at least, get a medical degree.
there is no such thing as turning points in life, let alone MY life.


a f i q a said...

berusehe beb

a f i q a said...

berusehe beb

~nurul hajar~ said...

try ur best dearie...
know u can do it...
ur family n friends will always b
beside u..

ira said...

im touched....
but bella, i know i can do it..

ur smart... i mean it..
u can do it..
just have a lil faith [prison break] hehe...

ira said...


i know U can do it..
all da best friend..

SimPanG said...

bella, sdgkan gnung ldang yg tinggi 2 pun berjaya ko tawan, inikan pula blajar medic. hehe

Anonymous said...

wess, no matter what, juz do ur best!! keep believing u can do it!
pe2 pon, bile dh dpt hospital ko sndiri nnti, jngn lupa lntik aku jd director ospital,ko jd pnolong aku..

bella said...

thanx ppl.u guys r really sweett:))

ps.tu baru ledang la simpang.lom tahan lagiii.......

SimPanG said...

adakah ini bermakne ko nk join aq gi tahan? hehe..
kalo nk, sila mendaftar k? =)

Syed Danial said...

take it positively and im sure ull love doing medicine :).blog hopping btw

bella said...

kedengaran agak drastik di situ.uhuk3~~

syed danial;
thanks a bunch n happy hopping:))

SimPanG said...

haha... yg penting, be confident with yourself, menda yg payah jgn disangka x bleh dicapai, gud luck!

dila :) said...

experienced the same thing.
medicine never my first choice.
tp ble fkir balik, why not kn.
i'll do anything to make my mom happy.


all the best babe.

p.s: you dunno me, i dunno u either. tp tk salah kn coment.

bella said...

to dila :),

pls drop by again.
dying to know the rest of your story.