Enough.

It's when you're alone that you start to ponder on life and all its blessings. A speck of dust. That's what we are, really. My first time back in Malaysia since earning the title 'wife' and I'm not sure if I really like it. Though I would say I'm doing pretty well.

Life is a blessing. Everytime (most of the times?) after prayer in my duas, I'd try to say it first - Thank you Allah, rather than jumping straight to 'Kau berilah sekian sekian..' There's nothing wrong with that, really. But I just feel that when I start it with counting my blessings, it makes me realise how much I've got. Cukup. Be enough. Contented. Isn't that what matters most?

I've been down with fever since day one of arriving KL. Still am. The last time I checked, I still have the temperature. Jujurnya, jauh dengan husband for the first time added with the fever is not what I expect from being home. And thanks to jetlag, but I've been waking up at 4am and I'm pretty sure that my feverish state doesn't agree to this. But I have enough. For the first time after so long.. We get to be all seven in the family. Now how often can I say that? That there are seven of us in the family in one place.

I have enough.

I talked to Ayah about things that I couldn't tell anyone, and he listened. And I realised how our mind are still very much alike, how he has the same thought as mine.. Now how many people can say that? That their father is their friend who listens to their thoughts.

I have enough.

Then my exam results came out in the email.

I definitely have enough.

Yesterday I went out with my mom in law, just following her around doing chores. Now how many people can say that? To have a date with your mom in law without the husband. To meet the in laws without the husband and actually looking forward to it, without a tiny fear of awkwardness. 

I have enough.

And we talked about how life brought us to where we are now.. About how things are going.. It makes me realise. I have more than enough. My life is not perfect at where it is now, but I'm grateful. I am more than happy. There are bumpy rides every now and then but it gets me back on track. And if that's what keeping me on the ground, then be it.

Everyone has their own struggles. One of mine is to feel enough. To be enough.