.الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُمْ بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ أَلا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ
Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. [Ar-Ra'd: 28]
I find solace in sadness.
Oh, the irony.
I miss being sad. Being in desperate need of something from The Almighty. As much as I try to convince myself that I, too, could be in constant remembrance of Him at times of happiness, it's never the same as when I'm in deep need of His comfort. When dunya knocks me down. When all I seek is the comfort of His words through the Holy Quran, or the warmth of tears flowing down my face flooding my telekung and sejadah as I recite every little prayer I know, as I tell Him my hopes and dreams, as I desperately need someone to listen.
I always wonder why am I such a melancholy. There were times when I craved to be sad, up to a point where it was unhealthy. Little did I know, that I needed to be sad. It's the sadness that truly brings me down on my knees, for me to truly reflect on my imaan.
Probably the thing that I miss, is not sadness. Rather, it's the state of utter submission to Him. To be able to cry in my sujood, or have the strength to wake up for tahajjud without a slight hesitation of life-is-pretty-good-maybe-I'll-wake-up-tomorrow because well, life is pretty good, what's another night without tahajjud? I wish it's the same as any other day. It is not.
So if being sad is the only way to put my heart at ease, I'll take sadness anytime.
After all it's better to be sad than to not feel anything.