Sunday, June 29, 2014

Ramadhan survival kit.

Right. Too many negative vibes already it makes me sick. If I remember myself well, I'm not really the complaining type. Oh well at least I think so. 

Adam's back in Malaysia now. And I guess I can't help but feel bit sad. Just a little bit. But you know what, because Allah is very kind, He won't let me wallow in sadness. So He sent me a friend.

He sent me a friend who then sent me a parcel full of Ramadhan survival kit!

It was really an emotional one. I've been off Facebook for nearly a couple of months now, so I rarely kept in touch with people. Not that I do so much even when I'm on it, but I can say it was better. But Teacher Ima is really one of those who I missed most since FB is the only means of contacting her. She hasn't got Whatsapp or Viber and I hardly make international calls these days. The last time we 'talked' to each other was when she sent a text message wishing my birthday. Which she never failed to do every year. 

In my first year, she sent me a birthday gift in the form of Adam. By that I mean she asked Adam to treat me like a princess (literally!) the whole day and she would pay any expenses incurred on me! Of course I didn't know back then. Adam simply asked me to choose what I wanted to eat, if I wanted to watch movie, etc. He did say it was someone else's treat though. But only at the end of the day he actually told me it was a gift from Teacher Ima. 

Ahhh good times. We were young back then. 

But either way, Teacher Ima is someone full of gifts and surprises, sometimes even to the extent that I feel like I don't deserve her.

She always comes with presents even if they're simple ones when we meet up. And I'm always the forgetful one sigh. How la not to feel bad. 

But this time she really went beyond my expectation! She sent me one whole parcel all the way from Malaysia! 

To save me from the hassle of typing the same thing this is taken from FB when she asked me how did I know it was her.

Okay so here's the whole story. Adam came with me for a week on my placement because thats how much he loves me lol. The moment we got back from Lincoln to Leicester there's this delivery card & I was like, whotttt I cant remember buying anything onlinee??? Then Adam almost immediately said "I would suggest you go & pick it up" almost nonchalantly. Of course la I suspiciousss!! I tanya banyak kali if he bought me something he insisted on no. So I was like, okay, that can wait then. Sabtu last week (we saw the card on Friday) we were supposed to pick the item up at the post office but it's sooooo freaking far that I hate to drag Adam allllll the way jalan 1 hr to & fro! Also I thought theres this thing that I bought aaaaaaaages ago yang tak sampai sampai and apparently the item is supposed to be big & heavy so walking 1 hr carrying it wouldnt be wise. So I decided redelivery it was then. Who knows on Monday they didnt redeliver it grrrrr so last Thursday the moment I reached Leicester I went to post office myself to collect it. So that's how it went tadaaaa!!! Lol

But to answer your question, & to be fair, the moment we exchanged texts I almost knew instinctively it was you. I even called Adam & push dia tanya banyak kali if he knows who the sender is. He denied obviously but mannnn woman instinct who can defy that lol. I even tanya him if it's you & he was like hmmm will it make a difference if I know who the sender is I was like YEAHHH ITS A FREAKING GIFT I DONT WANT TO LET IT GO TO WASTE lol. Hence the contemplation on making my way back to Leicester in the middle of the week cause I almost knew for sure its you. And to be fair, Ive always said to Adam, I'm a person of instinct. I take pride with my instinct so yeah, there goes ;)


YES I ALMOST KNEW IT WAS HER the moment she sent me a supposedly mysterious text to remind me on the parcel. And yes, she did have Adam as her accomplice in the whole thing. Sneaky love!

Now why did I say it was a Ramadhan survival kit?

1. It arrived (I only managed to collect it at the post office) on Thursday, and Adam was leaving for Malaysia the very next day, on Friday. So at that time it did feel like something to keep me going. To survive the day of Adam's departure. And to be fair, Teacher Ima did say in her letters that she hopes I'll be alright on my own when Adam's gone back!

2. And the very next Sunday was the first of Ramadhan. 

3. And look at what she sent me. 

All the perencahs for nasi goreng, curry powder, serbuk kunyit, chicken kurma, asam jawa and whatnot!

Canned food of chicken curry, tuna and some gravy stuff. It's even nicer because I am currently on my placement in Lincoln and hardly every cook, so these guys come in really handy!

And here's the most important thing. 

She got me a telekung!

I actually asked Adam to bring home my telekung at his place because I want to get a new one, and there it is, a brand new telekung to gear up for Ramadhan!

How did she know that I was actually going to get myself a new telekung is beyond my thinking. 

Then the highlight of it - my birthday card. She actually went through the effort of printing the pictures, cutting different pieces of paper and putting them together, writing kind words, I mean everything. And she even wrote letters, loads of them, handwritten on different days, and put them together with the card.



I cried buckets as I opened each and every one of them. 

Too emotional now. 

Let me tell you about our friendship - Teacher Ima and I. She was actually closer to Adam first, then there was me shaking over Adam's world like a storm (literally lol). So given that Adam and I are almost inseparable, and Teacher Ima has always had a big heart full of love, we made a pact. Well, sort of. 

We got closer when I had my year off in Malaysia while Adam in UK. We even went on an overseas holiday trip together, just the two of us!

The really nice thing about us is that we really get each other. She's no more of a people person than I am, so we're basically two socially awkward people who find comfort in silence. Even our contact with each other is a little funny sometimes, but nevertheless we always know that we're always there if we ever need one another. 

It's nice to know there's always someone there without the obligation of making yourself 'visible' or 'audible' all the time. They're just there. Unconditionally. 

And Teacher Ima is just one of the most wonderful person I've ever met on Earth.

So there goes. The story of us. 

Honestly I'm not very sure if she appreciates me telling the world this, considering how private she is. Last time when we went on a vacation we even made a promise not to tell anyone lol. But that was then I hope. 

This time I tell myself, if I ever stop writing in my life, I won't let it happen before I let the world know how wonderful this person is. 

And there there, I said it. 

Saturday, June 28, 2014

How do you explain about crying over seeing nearly 20 people making their way into your house?

You don't.

There was a quite an incident at our place yesterday. By 'our' I mean Nadd and I. Our house. Leicester.

So there was this barbeque thing that was supposed to happen in the park very near to our place. Just as they were done getting things ready, it rained like mad. Nadd went there slightly earlier than I planned to - which to be fair then I was still contemplating if I wanted to go since the idea of meeting people did not seem too appealing that time.

Nadd then called me to say that it was raining and I might not want to come. Problem was, how were they going to do the barbeque in the first place if it rained like mad? We knew we had a shed at the back of our house that they could use as shelter.. So naturally we agreed to offer the space for them to use - with one limitation, there's only so many people that can fit into the living room since Kak Suzi is moving out and her boxes are all in the living room. And Nadd made it clear to the guys that it would be appreciated if they did not go into the living room. The reason was simple, we value privacy so much that we did not wish Kak Suzi to feel that her space was being violated, especially when it came in a very short notice. It is, after all, her house as well.

But what we did not know was, more people were coming. To our place. In my mind I thought as it was raining people would not come so we probably could manage the number of people there already was. Boy I was wrong. More people came. And I freaked out.

The moment Nadd brought them into the backyard, I freaked out. I remember standing behind the door leading upstairs in shock, man I did not expect this. I was not prepared for this.

And the feeling was so horrifying that I just went upstairs into my room and tremble. In great distress.

And cried.

Now how do you explain that to people?

I made it clear many times that I am not so much of a people person. But they still think I'm joking or worse, being sarcastic.

And to make matters worse, something happened later on due to the limited space and the horrible weather and the inconsiderate people and of course, the freaked out us ie. Nadd and I.

It was horrible. I really don't mind having people at my place as long as they get the fact that I AM OFFERING YOU MY PLACE NOT MYSELF OR MY PRESENCE.

I would really appreciate if they understand that I needed the time to adjust to the presence of a bunch of people in my space and the need to just be alone and gather my sanity and confidence back.

I would really appreciate it if they understand when I say I AM NOT MUCH OF A PEOPLE PERSON.

I mean it.

Now I feel like crying again.

I stayed in the room for quite a while before eventually going downstairs to meet everyone, and that after Nadd had her own blow from some inconsiderate people who blew it in her face saying she was not a good host.


It really hurt. It hurt when people choose not to understand.

In their defence, they were a bit puzzled as well since we did offer the space so why would we freak out so much? I pretty much understand that.

But then I say it again, people freak me out.

Do they not notice how very rarely I join events here and even if I do, I make as minimum contact as possible? Do they not even notice that? How I avoid eye contact whenever I can?

People exhaust me. Social interactions exhaust me.

There's a reason why I don't really bring Adam to go out in groups here. There's a reason why I always try to stick to him whenever we go to events, particulary his events. There's a reason why I'm always missing from social gatherings. There's a reason why I still choose to just go out with Nadd even when there's a bunch of people organising a day out. There's a reason why I choose to wait for the bus alone buried in my headphones rather than making conversation with the others.

Yesterday when I eventually went downstairs to see what was going on, people were like, "Eh, Belllaaaaaa.." etc. And all I said was "Sila sila teruskan kehidupan seperti biasa."

In another word, ignore me, I'm fine. As long as you guys are having a good time (or partially good time especially in such small space and horrible weather and unfathomable act of us), I would be fine as well. 

But to be honest I'm not sure if they get it. If anyone will ever get it. I know most of the times people mean well, I truly appreciate that.

It's even harder to fathom because I am not quiet per se. I can appear very socialable and animated when it comes to conversation.

After I went to any gatherings or social events, I always make a comment "So that's enough dose of my social contact now," which really means I don't feel the need to see people for some time then.

And after the incident yesterday, I just feel like I don't want to see people for an indefinite time.

But funny enough, when I asked myself if I would do it again ie. invite people to come over to our place, I answered myself a yes.

I believe guests come with rezeki. They are to be welcomed.

It's just my social awkwardness. I do apologise for any shortcomings yesterday.

Salam Ramadhan. May this Ramadhan bring a better us. InshaAllah.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Remember when I said I quite like Lincoln?

Well I'll say it again. 

I quite like Lincoln with Adam here. 

Now that Adam's gone back in Belfast, I hate it to the core. 

I hate the eerily quite evening in the flat. I hate the sound of cars passing through the main road near the hospital. I hate the orange light in my room. I hate the shared kitchen. I hate the loneliness that creeps up whenever wherever.

I hate it that Adam is not here on the swinging chair with his eyes glued on the laptop watching World Cup. I hate it. I hate it to the core. I hate that I can't hear his voice pestering me trying to get my attention for little things. I hate that I won't get a bear hug for at least another five weeks. I hate that I have to sleep alone at night and wake up to a cold empty bed. I hate it. I hate it so much that I want to scream at everything. 

I hate that I'm crying my heart out with my head pounding hard while writing this.

They said it gets easier with time.

They lied. 

It's never easy. It's never meant to be easy.

Thursday, June 19, 2014


Last night I made a deal with Adam that if he gave me a back massage I would write a new blog post for his entertainment. Lol. Fair enough. So here comes. 

I'm currently in Lincoln!

Doing gastrointestinal rotation now and the place is so nice! En-suite flat with shared kitchen, and the hospital 3 minutes walk away, I'm enjoying this so far. Well other than the fact that Lincoln is nearly 2 hours train away from Leicester, other than that I am not complaining. 

But yes as you can imagine the tiny weeny bed is not built for two people, so we'll have to make do with that for now. And I am pretty sure Adam is feeling the pressure a little bit more since I tend to take more than two third space of the bed, regardless the size. Lol. 

Anyhoots, we're going back to Leicester tomorrow so hello double bed again!

Ps. I must have been reeeeally out of idea that this post is primarily about beds. Blegh.

Sunday, June 1, 2014


Guys, I have a confession.

*grits teeth*

I came to Belfast again not even 7 days since my last trip.


Having said that, I was here last weekend, went back to Leicester on Monday, and flew again into Belfast the next Saturday. Was at home for not even 48 hours when I sent Adam a text asking if it would be too much for me to come again this weekend and as usual, he did not say no. Yes my husband spoils me a wee bit too much and I'm loving it. Teehee.

But then how can he say no if it was my birthday that weekend?

*dance dance*

At first he said he couldn't get me anything since I came in a very short notice. He got me the usual Ferrero Rocher as he would and said the actual gift would come later. Oh well, if it was up to me, to be here with him on my actual birthday is one of the biggest gift I could probably ask. So no gift yet? Not complaining. Yes, long distance relationship does that to you, you know. You settle for togetherness if anything.

But then later during the day he surprised me with this!

I especially love the card! It's so classy that I was in complete awe with it. My fingers kept tracing the details like so jakun hehe.

Then as I unwrapped it..

Now there is a story behind this wrapping paper. If you're familiar with Belfast, there's this cool shop called Avoca which sells everything you don't need but you desperately want. They sell very pretty stuff that I couldn't stop ooh-aaah-ing as I browsed through the store and put my hands on everything! We went there last week when I was here (ahem lol) and I made a comment on how pretty the wrapping paper is. But then there would be no point for me to buy it and I was guessing it would be expensive too? *chapskate alert*. I said it ever so lightly like a passing remark but I didn't expect Adam to pick it up and actually buy it for my birthday present! *cries* Told you I'm probably too spoilt by him. *wipes tears*

Little things, man. Little things that matter. 

Then the actual gift.


No wonder the card is so classy, there's a Classic that comes with it! (failed pun lol)

Yes, it's an iPod Classic! To be honest the idea of getting myself a Classic has been going on for a few years now, but it came every so often that I get used to live with it. But now?!?!!!

What did I do to deserve you darling. Sigh.

(Of course I offered to cook lunch even when it's my birthday like a good wife does, hehe)

Thank you darling love. *bear hug*

Well to be fair right after he gave me this and laughed at my epic tears (as he would call it), I went on my family's Whatsapp group, only to find loads of birthday wishes from the big family - some of them even sang on the phone!

How la not to cry like that. *more epic tears*

On another note, 24 is a big number you see. My parents, at the age of 24 had had a baby already. Me? All I have is that old ancient feeling when even Adam is not yet 24! *cringes*

But anywhoo, Alhamdulillah. This is my second birthday that we got to celebrate together on the actual day after nearly 5 years of being together. (Refer to the long distance point). And for that I thank Allah for every second of this life I have and this man I am blessed with.

And of course these load of family I can't live without! Well actually for everything. I can't even list them down or it will take forever. You know that feeling when you look back thinking wow, life is amazing that all you can do is sigh? Well that's how I feel since the past few days.

Alhamdulillah. To a better 24!