Nerd medics are nerd.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Nope. Not whining. No complaining. I'm good. Lovely weather. Yups!
But some things just slipped out of your tongue -__________-
The other day I was just saying how warm it is outside. Yes duduk dalam class tu berkuap dah haa. Kepam je sorang sorang haish. Then my groupmate asked, Is it really, Bella? But I thought the weather in Malaysia is like this right?
Err. Malaysia 30 degrees kot. This is only 20-ish degrees. How to explain ha? That you're getting used to the cold here? Alamaks.
Apparently all the kiddos aka kawan kawan sebangsa di sini had the same issue. The locals have been asking isn't our weather like this when they said how sunny and warm it is. Hot and sunny and berpeluh ketiak. (?)
What to tell them then? That we've forgotten our sunny old country back home? Aish. Melayu memang mudah lupa.
Meanwhile lama tak camwhore. Asyik letak capture screen Facetime je, tak pun screen shot iPhone, so here's a true real live picture from the sunny sunshine outside, just to prove that I'm still alive.
Ada nampak macam gambar zaman dolu dolu tak?
I dulu setadi obersi youu. Ha gitteww.
A very observant person I am, (not to mention grammar nazi) I can't help but notice it when people type their reply to salam. Not wasalam, wslm, or salam. It's the full reply, waalaikumussalam.
Sebab apa yang orang type, itu yang biasanya orang tu akan pronounce, kan?
Waalaikumussalam. That's how I usually type mine. But what I usually see is waalaikumsalam. Notice the difference?
I remember my ustaz in sekolah rendah correcting me regarding this. I too, used to be very ignorant and semua benda pun nak cepat, nak lekeh je. It's just a syllable, after all. He corrected me two things, my salam and my doa iftitah.
The right way of
Doa Iftitah: Allahu akbaru kabirawwalhamdulillah.. (I used to silent the u)
Tapi mana tau sekarang dah tua tua ni otak dah berkarat, I could be recalling the wrong stuff. Mungkin selama ni jawab salam tak betul. So I did some little research on the salam part. Found some articles and disputes which one it should be. Mostly say it should be the former (1). But let's go back to the basic, the Arabic letters themselves.
So it's waalaikumussalam then.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Tadi keluar Clinical Library pukul 10 lebih, lalu dalam Royal Infirmary untuk balik rumah. Main entrance biasa dah tutup, so kena naik tingkat 1 keluar ikut A&E untuk keluar dari bangunan hospital.
Tiba tiba ada pakcik tua ni tegur, cakap, "Out? Out?" sambil tangan goyang sana sini bagi isyarat nak keluar.
Pakcik tu pakai jubah kelabu, pakai kopiah putih, ada janggut and misai putih. Tak tinggi sangat, tipikal Asian. Kat dahi dia ada tanda gelap. Kalau ikut stereotype kepala otak ni, orang pakai jubah, kopiah, ada janggut and ada tanda kat dahi tu mesti kuat solat. Sebab sujud lama. So maybe.
Lepas tu ajak pakcik tu ikut sekali pergi jalan keluar hospital. Bila dah sampai depan exit keluar bangunan hospital, pakcik tu senyum, excited habis jumpa jalan keluar. Dia tengok atas bawah lama lama, lepas tu buat isyarat bagus, thumbs up, sambil senyum lebar.
And dia point dekat my tudung sambil senyum and buat thumbs up lagi, as if nak cakap, it's a good thing that I'm covered up.
Terus tengok diri sendiri.
Tudung, check. Tapi tudung bawal, warna putih. And tak pakai scarf sebab rambut tak cukup kering time tu, so rambut clip loose macam tu je, and of course terkeluar sikit sikit kat muka. Bayang rambut, takpayah cakap. Confirm nampak.
Baju, well, cardigan labuh, so, checked. Tapi cardigan tak butang pun. Kat dalam pakai baby tee, obviously agak fit. Tudung pulak selempang belakang. Sooo.....
Seluar okay kot. Khakis. Tapi baru malam ni pakai khakis tu. Kalau tak biasanya dengan jeans je, which is, again, fit.
Selipar, flip flop. Selipar jepun. Literally macm selipar tandas tu.
Galas backpack, telinga tersumbat dengan earphone, lengan cardigan sinsing sampai siku. Jalan balik dari library.
Lepas tu nak claim tutup aurat just sebab pakai tudung?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
So I've heard people saying that Ayah is so cute with his ninonino reply to my WhatsApp. But apparently it wasn't Ayah who replied, it was my youngest brother, Adam. (Yes don't give me that look they share the same name how cool is that) No wonder I smelled something fishy when I received the reply.
Apparently Little Adam (though I think he's not so little anymore) has successfully hijacked Ayah's phone. Every now and then he would WhatsApp me asking littlest bits of unimportant stuff, like the other day he sent me an Emoji of a firetruck on fire (?). I'm pretty sure it was done out of boredom since Little Adam is the only sibling who currently lives with the parents, in Miri. The rest of us are everywhere, literally. But you see, the problem with him is that, we never really get along well. Him, being the youngest in the family, is the most annoying thing on Earth while me, the not-so-sister-ish, is very malas to layan him. More often than not all we do is trying to annoy each other like mad. Call it bonding.
But he sure missed me an awful lot because he has been WhatsApp-ing these days.
Umi membebel aje? Kids these days..
There was one time when I went to Miri and we had an ultimate time of annoyance. He tried to steal my iPod whenever he could and I would try to physically and verbally pester him whenever we were near to each other.
Me: Do you know, you have no life here. No friends, no playtime, no nothing.
Little Adam: So what?
Me: What are you going to tell others about your childhood then? You've got no childhood meh!
Little Adam: So? Like I care.
Me: Dude, you don't even have childhood friends! No best friends!
Little Adam: My parent's are my childhood friends. And Ayah is always my best friend.
Hearing his answer, I felt so bad for saying all those. Perhaps it's true, that his childhood is kind of bersepah when he kept changing schools to be with Ayah and Umi, but it was so mean of me to say that. Because later I could see him pondering, as if trying to convince himself that what I said wasn't true.
Me: How old do you think I am?
Little Adam: 21, 22, perhaps.
Me: How old are you?
Little Adam: 9 years old.
Me: What is the age gap between us?
Little Adam: ..counting.. Around 12, 13 years old?
Me: With that age gap, do you think we can be friends?
Little Adam: ..looking down.. Ermmmm. I don't know..
I pity him for having such a mean sister. I'll be nicer when I get home this summer, I promise.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
If there is one thing that annoys me more than bad grammars, it would be unpunctuality.
1. We set a time (let say at 8pm) and everyone arrive promptly (if late please do not turn up).
2. If distractive conversation is made, please make your way to the nearest exit and come back once you are ready.
Dude, you're the man! (yes I was 2 minutes late for the teaching session)
On a whole different note, meet Ollie. My teammate, the LUSUMA webmaster, the founder of teachmeanatomy.net and also, a nerd.
Well, not quite. Our tutor Dr D said he is, but Dr D sometimes (or most of the times) can be very mean. So, yeah.
Oh, did I tell you that Ollie discovered this blog? And announced it to the whole team? And later made me go to the ridiculous Handwashing session done at 4.30pm on week 12 when we are having exam in less than 2 weeks time?
I don't know how I survived 21 years not knowing how to wash my hands properly.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
A reply from Ayah. It seems to me that the tram driver is now in the red car being chased by the police for trying to run over that poor bloke and his horse.
But even more depressing was when Adam asked;
Adam: Is that story real? I wanted to reply in a joking way but I'm afraid it's real news. I don't want to sound mean.
Bella: Of course it is. True story. Fresh from Leicester.
Adam: Serious? But Leicester where got trams?
Bella: OMG. Of course it's not a real news. Awak tau tak tram tu laju mana? And it has to stay on track what's the point running away from it? Argghhh.
Adam: Mana la kita taaauuuuuuuuu... *innocent look gaya gaya sepohon kayu daunnya rimbun
Muka bangun tidur tak gosok gigi terus makan biskut sambil discuss pasal mamat kena kejar tram.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Someone's starting his finals today. So he deserves some treat.
Yes, a box of Thornton's delivered straight to the door.
A little something to keep you (and your tastebuds) going.
But my best gift for you would be this.
I was on Facetime with Ayah. And the next thing he sent me was this.
Motherly okay. Can start to cari nama anak already.
We'll get through this and go home in a month plus time and have an excessive dose of summer and loves!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Tab 2: Twitter, because that's where life exists after Facebook
Tab 3: How to beat Pokemon in 10 minutes (and waste your 10:48 minutes of your life)
Tab 4: Disulfiram, a drug to treat chronic alcoholism, Wikipedia
Tab 5: Some random I dono what link from Mau, not quite amused though
Tab 6: Current tab
Tabs 3-5, randomness thanks to Mau. Tab 6, out of the need to express self-randomness.
Still better than a "k"
Now back to Tab 1.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Best read with a background music of A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. Click HERE for the soundtrack.
This entry is published with permission, rest assured.
Yes, she’s getting married. Soon. Very soon. Though I think mine was supposed to be sooner sobs. She’s only 21. Well technically she’s only 20 since her birthday is in August. But yeah, year-wise, she’s 21.
My very own Izleen.
I couldn’t be happier for her. But as expected, despite me not on Facebook at the moment, I was still bombarded by questions on her marriage. The first time they announced and made invitation, Nadd text me that she was soooooo excited when she saw it. I was still at Med school. Well if I were at home I wouldn’t know it anyway. Still, I screamed out of joy and excitement. I know I know, so much for a best friend getting married, and me knowing it months before that. Perempuan kan suka exaggerate, walhal dah tau lama. So Bella -____-
Gambar tak sempat mintak permission untuk publish.
So kalau 2-3 kali tengok blog ni and gambar ni dah takde maksudnya tak lulus la tu.
Kikiki <-- How she laughs in real life.
YES. Hellllooowww, she’s my best friend kooottt? Haha I love their faces when they asked me this question. When Izleen came to Leicester, we shared the excitement, yet I didn’t say it to anyone. Better, I even told some people that I was sad that my best friend is getting married, for that leaves me alone without a sole right on her sobs. And the usual response would be, “Ala, Izleen kan ada. Jangan lah sedih.” Little did they know that it was Izleen who’s getting married! What made me even more proud of our friendship was when someone said “Hebat gila awak simpan rahsia kan Bella.” Oh my, she’s MY Izleen, of course I’ll keep anything for her!
2. Macam mana dorang jumpa? Tak pernah tau pun?
Of course people wouldn’t know. Unlike me COUGHS they are two very underground people. Which is a good thing, right? I mean, she’s not expressive in showing her love COUGHS. They never really met, really. It just happened to be. I would say jodoh?
3. So dorang suka sama suka ke apa?
A yes, again. They might not be public, but who needs to show the world when they have each other in their prayers? And people, to that extent they decided to get married at this point, who dares to say they don’t love each other? Apa punya soalan daa. Cops okay I know there's this thing we call arranged marriage. But no, I'm sorry to disappoint you guys, but it's not.
4. Tapi kan dorang dulu dengan…
I know. But that was in the past. We make mistakes don’t we? To put in a nicer way, we learn. They might have their own past kept to themselves, but well, as the name suggests, the past is not doing any good in the future. What should remain would be the lessons learnt. And that’s what they’re doing. To put the past behind and move on. I’m sorry, you might just scratch that “they” for I only know Izleen by heart. What the future husband felt/went through, I have no idea. But point is, they DO move on.
5. Agak agak ex dorang rasa apa ek?
Seriouslyyy, peopleee? The name itself is EX, what's the point of asking what or Y? Mana la depa nak tau apa perasaan ex depa ni mak hai. No, seriously speaking. They don't know. Again, I'll refer they as she. Because I only know Izleen. But yes, Izleen-wise, no, she has no idea what the ex is feeling or thinking. Honestly we two (as the ultimate bestest friendest wth) think that he won't feel anything. After all he (the ex) was the one who moved on first, wouldn't that suggest that he's so over it? Oh people give it a break. There's a reason why these people are called EX. An X means a NO for the future. Neither the present. Gedditt?
6. So what do you feel about it?
Lol dah macam history taking kaaannn. Hurm, to be honest, when I first found out, and that was last year, I cried myself out. Not too sure out of happiness or misery. I am too happy for her, but I was also disturbed by the fact that she’s no longer mine. Gosh I sound weird considering it’s a she. But really, she’s everything I have. When the world was against me, she was the one who stood up for me. When the person I thought I could rely most left me, she was there to assure that I could still stand strong on my own. When people was too interested poking their sticky fingers into my business, aka gossiping around predicting stuff spreading lies, she kept every word to herself. She knew every truth, yet she still didn’t say a word. How can I not be sad knowing later she’ll have her own life, her own man, and after that, her own kids and everything. But of course, life goes on. She might not be physically there for me. But as long as we keep each other in our prayers, inshaAllah this friendship will last to Jannah.
7. Lepas tu Bella bila lagi? Tahun depan?
Asal lambat sangat. Tahun ni la. *serious face*
(This was a real response from me when someone asked me this question lol)
All in all, I couldn’t be happier for her. Listening to her ramblings on the wedding preparation, when she made faces on what awaits her after this etc, I know this is the best for her. Just one thing, I know people are sooooo excited that this is the first wedding in our batch, and all they see are rainbows and butterflies. Truth is, there’s more than that. Wedding is just the start; the marriage itself is a huge thing. I’ve seen her laugh. I’ve seen her cry. I’ve seen her tears. I’ve seen her excitement. It wasn’t an easy decision to make. Not just the decision to get married, everything in fact. The decision on date, the decision on the wedding stuff, the decision on the future, the decision on everything. Kawan kawan, kahwin benda besar ye.
For men, it’s a takeover of a whole new responsibility of someone’s daughter. And for women, it’s a new submission of themselves to their husbands, after Allah and Rasululllah.
COUGH BELLA, COUGH.
Ps. I wish to upload more of our pictures, especially the ones when she failed to act like a wife or made terrible faces that no one would consider to make her his wife (lol) but yeah, cakap lagi bakal isteri orang, so out of respect, I'll keep them to myself.
Pps. I was joking in the Ps.
Ppps. I LOVE YOU IZLEEN. SOSOSOSOSOOOO MUCH.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
On The Radio, Regina Spektor
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Following the betrayal tragedy, I'm trying my best to keep a neutral feeling towards people. No I don't care about you. No you can't hurt me. No we're just friends. No we don't have anything special between us. No nothing. Not anymore.
As I was trying my best to keep my emotional low (ada ke simpan emosi rendah, pftt), I went rambling on Twitter.
Apparently one of my biggest fans replied,
Pardon the MELAYU thing. Saya sedikit stereotype Melayu. Sebab saya pun Melayu.
So I called him. He was explaining something, apparently I didn't know about it, or perhaps couldn't be bothered.
Ayah: How come you don't know about this?
Bella: I'm too busy la these days.
Ayah: Busy doing what?
Bella: Mending my heart.
Ayah: Oh I forgot. Doctor kan kena repair heart.
Bella: Yelaahh. Ingat senang ke nak jadi doctor.
Ayah: So what's up? The heart thing?
Bella: Nothing. Silly stuff.
Ayah: I know, Mum told me everything already. You called her at 3 in the morning and that's not silly.
Bella: Ala sorry la. Tak sengaja. I don't know. I was too emotional sad and stuff.
Ayah: You see, you have to be strong. You can't let people control you. What you feel is yours. No one can hurt you without your consent. Remember when I told you not to commit to anyone or anything too early? This is it. Now you know. Your heart is so fragile.
Bella: Well I think I made the right decision on committing to someone, but in this case, I didn't commit anything. She's not really someone special but somehow it just hurts. What do you expect? Me to have a heart of steel?
Ayah: No, no need steel heart. Just make it less fragile, more elastic. Whatever people do, if they don't affect you, then let it pass. Learn to observe. Stay at a corner and observe. Don't judge, don't say anything. And once you think you're wise to make decisions, to be in the circle, then you join them. That's how you know how people are.
Bella: But people keep changing. Just when you thought you're ready to be in, they've already changed. How long do we have to sit and stare and observe and do nothing? We will never be ready. For by the time we think we are ready, things are already different. Then what? You sit and observe and wait to be ready again?
Ayah: Well that's one way of seeing it you know. Life works differently for different people.
Pardon me, I somewhat love to argue with Ayah. Healthy argument I would say.
But his points are simple. Have a more elastic heart. You own yourself. Forget metal vase. I'll have silicon vases after this. Not only they're elastic. They can withstand extreme temperature some more.
Or perhaps just don't call your Mum at 3 in the morning crying or she'll freak out and tell your Dad and the next thing you know is you're getting a heart lecture from him.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Truth is, I still can't get over it.
I've been crying since last night. And today I surrendered myself to another breakdown. In the hustle and bustle of the hall, I let my tears out, again.
I would say Nadd started it first, but then I was the one who brought up the issue so I might as well take the responsibility of it. I'm sorry Nadd. I'm sad too. And I can't help it. The fact that we feel the same thing without much effort to figure out how we feel about each other is just overwhelming.
And it's not just that. With all the craps happening the day before, I still feel weak. Helpless. I posted about attachment on Facebook the other day. Read (HERE). But now I think I might as well get a metal vase like one of my friends suggested.
You see, expectation can lead to disappointment. Another friend was telling me, "You can love people as much as you want, but put your trust in Allah. People fail us."
I would want to believe that she's just being human, that she makes mistakes as much as I do. Or maybe she's forgotten, or too worried that she voiced out her concern to someone else without realizing it.
But one thing I notice, if you're angry towards someone, it's rage that you're feeling. You can choose to hate them. Later you'll just forget them. No one wants to be reminded of someone they hate anyway.
But when it's heartbroken that you're feeling, it's disappointment that's controlling you. You'll keep on thinking, "How could you do this to me, how could you?" It's harder to get over it because it's not the people you hate, it's those who you actually trust, you actually care for. And they let you down, just because they're human. They make mistakes.
And by being human, they also deserve to be forgiven too.
"Ramai orang terpaksa sabar, tetapi belum tentu yang mendapat nikmat itu bersyukur."
Friday, May 4, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Had my second 5km run for the week. I miss running. When I was in KL I used to run after coming home from work, at night, when no one was watching. Okay lie. There were people running at the park as well. Boo.
On another note suddenly I feel like having sore throat. Like dry throat. First world problem - you're cold, switched on the heater, your throat feels dry, drink a lot of water, want to pee, toilet's downstairs and VERY COLD too. Viscious cycle.
Then I remember. Nadd called just now. I can't remember screaming on the phone out of excitement, but that's what we always do, so yeah, perhaps I did scream, hence the sore throat. I know we are not really two peas in a pod, but talking to her made me feel like, phew, it's so good to hear her voice again. Hold on, I sound gay. Maybe I should stop.
Oh, I discovered a new passion. Not quite new, but it's always repressed by the fact that I should be doing more Sciency stuff. Yes, art and language are my fortes, undeniably. They are what make me tick. Adam used to say "your cup of tea." I'd prefer to say they are my fortes. Cars are cooler than tea, after all.
So I have been making posters out of fun and boredom. I told Kak Hana, my housemate, that I just found another hobby of graphics and designing, and she replied - "Budak ni kaannnn. Anything that is not Medicine!" Haha I love that. Yes, anything to distract me from Medicine.
And I have been baking a lot lately. This is my third bake in a week. Two rainbow cakes and this time, a chocolate brownie. I've been keeping a slice of the rainbow cake for Nadd, maybe I'll give her some brownies as well. Nyums.
Just now Adam called. He's so sad that his society didn't win the Society of The Year and Event of The Year Award. Yes I'm talking about MSSNI and their grand Gala Night. It's okay Adam. There is always next time. Hold on, he also said that he's accidentally eaten some dessert with alcohol, so he's feeling a bit giddy. "Lelong" as he said it. Thank God he made it home though. It would be devastating and traumatising if he was run over by car while on the phone with me. Oh my, what am I talking about?
Talking about Adam, someone asked, why I always refer Adam as Adam, and not my boyfriend. In fact I tend to correct people when they refer him as "your boyfriend" to me. He's got a name, and it's Adam. Why? Because boyfriend sounds too playful. We are having a serious business here, can't you see? It's a matter of life and hereafter. But future husband might sound a bit too cheesy. So I'll stick to Adam. My Adam.
By the way, KN's mum was admitted to the hospital yesterday. I'm not sure if he'll like it that I'm saying it here, but please, dear beautiful people of the world reading this, make du'a for his mum. I know the family personally, and I feel so sorry for KN now that he's having his finals, while receiving the sad news. But they say diseases and pains are meant to clear your sins. Hopefully she'll get better inshaAllah.
I feel good tonight. The second 5km run, the Facebook posters, the call from Nadd, the call from Adam. It just feels good. I miss my mum though. I remember when I was in high school having some exams, no one told me that my Tok Ayah passed away. I found out myself when I called my sister asking where was she, and she said they're in Kelantan, my mum's hometown - innocently. I demanded to speak to Umi while crying frantically - how could they not tell me? They left without me because I was having exam, not wanting me to be distracted. Despite being deeply emotionally disturbed, my exam results turned out excellent. I was the top student in my batch, and it was my first exam at my new school. I hope the same goes to KN. Well, maybe not the top, but to pass with good grades should be enough. We are all doing Medicine anyway, passing should be enough, even if it's borderline - that's what the MARA officer said the other day.
I'm sorry if this entry is full of non-importance, or if it feels too personal, or if it makes you think, why am I reading this? I just miss home. I miss not having to justify myself, to reveal my true self. And I can only do that when I'm with certain people. And Adam has been asking my exam schedule, so that he can come to Leicester after that. Then we can have food fest, the one that Farzan, Edy and Mau just wouldn't come for. Nevermind, I'll have Adam. We can eat like nobody's business.
We'll go to More Restaurant, Yoko Steak House, Mc Indian, Nando's (for the frozen yoghurt Adam is mad about), or perhaps take the train to Nottingham and go to Red Hot Buffet.
But first, I need to get over my exams. And study. And be more Sciency. And Medic-ish.
My own wall of fame. And growing. With Umi and Ayah leading the list.
Then there's Izleen, KN, Farzan, Mau, Edy, Nadd, Nabilah, Pija, Lynn and of course, a whole lot of Adam.
And Adam again. I love it when he's smiling showing his teeth, especially the dracula tooth.
What a long post. Too tired to study now. Good night.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
In the midst of doing some presentation, I got caught up by some BERSIH 3.0 articles on Facebook.
I've read many of them. Followed the event as much as I could. Read from as many point of views that I could find. Yet, I feel they are a bit too biased, hence I never really want to talk about it. But this one, I find it really.... Heartbreaking.
Forget Facebook dramas. Forget all the misleading comments, the verbal assaults, the insulting words, the controversial photos, the judgmental status, the heavily-biased opinions..
What has happened to our country, really? It's just sad. Everything now becomes politics. Religions, races, everything. If really, it is true that all those BERSIH demonstrators are on opposition side, and by that I mean have been and will be voting for opposition in the next General Election, then the government is in huge trouble.
But they are not. There were people who have been putting their faith in the government, years after years, hoping that things will improve, only to be let down again and again.
I remember saying something about BERSIH 2.0 last year. About not jumping into either side is also a stand. I believe it still is. It's just that when we have another rally like this time around, shouldn't that really mean that something is not right?
There are voices pleading to be heard. Voices of over 200 000 (or more) citizens.
And the harsh truth is that, these voices present physically during the rally also represented many other voices. Those not in Kuala Lumpur, those abroad. Now tell me, how many voices are that already?
May Allah forgive us all.