Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Forgiven.

Dulu dia pernah cakap;

"Aku dah kecewa gila dengan kau sekali Bella, this time aku rasa kau buat lah apa pun, aku boleh terima. "

Nak tidur lepas tu menangis dalam hati.

Sebab kalau menangis luar hati nanti pillow case basah lepas tu jadi kuning since it's white lepas tu terus geli dah nak tidur guna bantal tu sampai lah basuh. Dah la washing machine rosak (masih).

Oh, air mata lepas kering jadi kuning, tahu?


Kau,

4. Aku maafkan kau.


"Personal ke?"

Bella please don't break. Hang on. Sunday isn't very far ahead.


Mungkin boleh tidur sekarang. At least esok bangun dah Rabu.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Forgotten.

It's happening again. Here. And now.

How long can a heart hold until it breaks? I remember asking myself that question when I missed a chance to go abroad last two years. 

It all seems so fast. Two years passed, I'm in my second semester here in England, wondering what brought me here in the first place.

Someone said, "Sayang awak dekat parents awak yang buat awak tak give up selama nih. Sayang awak kat parents awak yang buat awak still buat Bio masa sekolah, still amek Bio masa IB, and sekarang buat medic. It's your love for your parents that keep you going all this while."

At that moment, I couldn't look into anyone's eyes. I'm afraid these dams will break, bursting into another same old story, how I resent my life all this while.

It has always been easy. All my life. But now? Things seem so bleak. I lost my motivation, I lost my vision. Someone who would easily go to the front and charm people with her confidence and her winning smile, where has she gone?

The love that kept me going all those painful years, isn't it still there? Why, have I lost it that I feel like giving up now?

We always think that Allah test us with pain and hardship, little did we realise that His nikmat might just be a test as well.


Kita lupa. Ujian itu. Nikmat ini. Manusia. Lupa.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Sajak Aku Sebuah Basikal.

Basikal baru.
Kaler pink gittew.
Perasaan sungguh jambu.
Bajet handsome lettew.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Puteri Gunung Ledang in Leicester.


Last bit of Nusantara Week wuhoo! We had a Movie Night in the Lecture Theatre watching Puteri Gunung Ledang which was awfully romantic AWWHHH (provided you really pay attention to the classical words uttered by Tuah played by M Nasir). And dreadfully slow too. So, nope. Not my kind of movie, sadly. I was playing DrawSomething the whole movie and occasionally turn to Faizul asking, "Siapa ni? Apa dia buat? Kenapa macam ni?" Kalau masuk real cinema memang mintak penampar lah. But it wasn't that bad either. Except that I didn't expect to come all the way to uni watching an almost 2-hr movie only to be greeted by an ending sounded "Since then, no one heard from those two.." I guess the director ran out of things to say but still.. Rasa macam ending tergantung. Frustrating!

Anyhow, I was the person in charge to lead the audience that night. Well. Kinda. But silly me was being really really silly. For God sake, it's a Leicester event! And look what I was wearing for the night.

Name introduction to greet the guests, checked.

Uni-patriotism wise, FAIL.


If I were the event manager sumpah dah lama suruh perempuan ni balik tukar baju.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

April come fast!

First Thursday morning lecture I've attended for this semester..

KahWee: Why are you here?
Bella: Here what? I always sit here whaaattt.
KahWee: No I mean why are you here at 9 am on Thursday morning?
Bella: ...

On another note, today is hari gembira Alhamdulillah! Apart from waking up to an "I love you" message on DrawSomething (which I'm not sure if it can be counted as faktor bahagia or not), a Facebook message from someone also made me so touched.


Dear you, I didn't include your name cause I'm afraid you might as well appreciate privacy the way I do. But thank you. You have no idea how this made me going. Waking up to your message, it's just another reason to keep me going (since I dread waking up to another day in med school so much hehe). I'm replying here since I want the world to know how nice it is to have a friend like you. And of course, to spread the love and message. Thank you very very very much!

Also, I've been utterly addicted to DrawSomething! Gila ah. Dalam lecture. Group work. Balik class. Nak tidur. In fact this morning when I woke up at 6 am, I actually stayed in the duvet "drawing" until 6.45 am!  45 minit melukis. Semangat mak haih. One thing, I always thought engineering students are better artists compared to medics. Well, ladies and gentlemen, sadly they're not -.- 

Yeah this goes to @farzanfadhlillah @hazwaniharis @naqiuddinmy heheh :D


Then there's this chap who gives me confusing message on drawing (and writing). Sigh.

Bella: What's with the I love you? And candy? Takde kaitan.
Adam: Of course la ada. You're my candy. And I love you.
Bella: Might as well letak eye candy. Lepas tu lukis lelaki handsome.

I'm such a mengada thing I know.


But the most super duper extremely ultimate mega happiness would be this.
Ou yes. It's April 1st, and not 7th! Bought another ticket to Dublin earlier than my previous one! And of course, I wouldn't be that rich to suka hati je burn one ticket and buy another. Well, it's sponsored by Izleen! And funny thing, it was such a random act, done this morning at 8 am. I asked if she'd like to sponsor me if I come earlier and she said YES! So I immediately bought the ticket and checked in! Gila semangat woh. Serius seronok dapat tiket sponsor. Lagi seronok dapat bestfriend macam ni. A week plus to go, cant waaaaittt!


Meanwhile after this morning lecture..

Shannon: Aiya after group work got lecture some more. You going to the afternoon lecture not?
Faizul: Of course la pergi. Dah la lecture sikit je. Leicester kan lepak, takkan itupun taknak pergi class. Tak gitu Bella?
Bella: THANKS LA FAIZUL.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Post-SPM.


Yes, to some extent it depends on what you have at the moment. But most of it lies in what you make out of what you get.

So long as you know how to make the best of what you have, driven by what you want, you'll get through it.

1. A pilot graduating at the age of 22 now working with Air Asia who once was as close as running away from home since he let his parents down with his 2As in SPM. Now a young successful pilot earning 4 digits per month, getting married soon.

2. A struggling 22 year old miserable medical student who scored all As in her SPM, got into one of the most prestigous college doing one of the toughest preparation course in the world. Now in UK, wondering every second what the heck she's doing there, praying hard that she'll survive every other day in med school with minor heart bruises and brain injuries.

You decide.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

University of Lepak.

Yes I know it's Tuesday morning I ought to be getting ready for class but heck, who cares. Membebel to myself sounds waaaay more interesting than poking digging some dead stranger's butt in the cold underground room smells of death.

And of course, I have to edit some stuff from Nusantara Week booth yesterday but sorting, compressing editing some 300-ish pictures isn't really what I have in mind now. Oh, I've been meaning to share the grandeur of Malaysia & You Belfast Gala too, but that too, as usual, can wait.

Because now, I want to membebel about my uni, my very own beloved university, University of Leicester. If that doesn't sound impressive enough, add the word England, United Kingdom at the back. Hell-oooo, who doesn't love UK, you tell me?

Last night Adam called (as usual bugging my beauty sleep which he is more than welcome to do so) for some usual of non importance stuff. Like how my Internet is still lagging like siput sedut (sucking snail?) etc. Then he asked the most obvious question, "Esok kelas pukul berapa." Following my answer, which is almost obviously everyday at 1pm, he went like, "Leicester study lepak kan?"

GAAAHHHH. DAANGGGG. Shoooot. BRRRRR. Heheuhueuoheuihehii.

Which reminded me to the time when we were eating kueyteow kung fu ramai ramai with some seniors at rumah Intan. We were talking merepek buat kerepek on what brought us to Leicester.

Not surprisingly, one of us was successfully drugged by Kak Dina (a final year Medic now, aka my housemate, Hi Kak Dina lol) saying how studying in Leicester so lepak. Class at 9am-1pm and off you go. No essays, no assignments, N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Well meeting patients is of course, part of it, kata nak jadi dokter haruslah bermanis muka bersenyum mesra jumpa patient, ye dak? But that is like, 5-6 times in 2 semesters? Did you hear me? 5-6 kali je pegi hospital jumpa patient wa cakap lu. 5-6 kali ikut syarat, sometimes it's just 4-5 times. And additional seminars/class/lecture in the afternoon is so rare, you get that like, twice or thrice a month, more often less.

Memang lepak tahap moksha der.

But the thing about being lepak tahap moksha, you become lonely. Yes, lonely and depressed. And there isn't that many Malaysians here, most are doing Medics, which is another reason for loneliness since we're all so kiasu one. *sniff  Evryone's at home, studying like mad (at least that's what I think) If not Medics, they'd be doing Maths from KPM scholar, and some lucky enough from Bank Negara scholars. Tadaa. That's it. Very few private students who I often find very cool because they do courses out of the norm like, cool gila weh aku datang buat Medic je, typical stereotype sungguh. And almost none Engineering students yang berfungsi untuk memeriahkan suasana most of times because that's how I know Engine people, fun and crazy and more often than not, annoying. LOL!

And by that, it's pretty obvious that we don't have that much of Malaysian events, gathering and stuff. And we don't have that many postgrads with cars that we can tumpang HAHAHAHA wtf! Really. Leicester is like, so homey so kampung everyone seems so happy and contented no real shit going on we are just like a small happy family living in the sub-urb area an hour train from London.

NOT.

Now back to the lepak stuff, yes, we do lepak most of the time. And whine on how much work we have to do since we have our own handbook yadda yadda bla bla. But HA-HA, all talks and no work (epitome of Bella). Hoi uni lain assignment every week kena submit, kau tau?

But then again, our exam is formatted in by far the most horrible meanest way. We don't have specific papers, like Anatomy, Physiology, Neurology, bla bla. NOOOOOOO. We have two papers, Paper I and Paper II at the end of every semester and every single thing you learnt that semester and from previous semesters is chucked in them. There you go. EAT THAT. Imagine, one semester got 5 modules, add up to previous semester, that's 10 already. That is only for first years. Mix 10 modules in two papers of one hour forty minute each, and you'll get a nice combination of anxiety, nervouseness, palpitation and constant worrying (without much work done lol). And all that is gained even 5 months before the actual exam is, provided you have the lunacy to think of exams when it's winter break la.

Ahhh. Allah Maha Adil kan? Those universities with whole load of coursework and stuff, the exam wouldn't be as mean as ours. But us, who got time to lepak most of the time, the exam so horrible you feel like strangling yourself from the ceiling or drowning in the bath tub just thinking of the exam.

JANGAN MENYERAH.

Here's a little something to show how lepak (and awesome) we are here in Leicester.

New recipe from Abil..

iPad cream cheese tart.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Warwick Malaysian Games.

The EPICNESS.

The bajet wing attack.

The team.

The team in action.

The injured one.

The duit raya.

The bullied one.

The classmates.

The nasik goreng sambil berjalan -.-

The nasik kerabu satu share empat orang.

The collegemates.

The *insertwhatyoulike*

The gemuk suda :(

The sharp shooter.

The nasik ayam taukey (and nasik lemak sambal kerang!)

All  in all, Warwick Malaysian Games was a blast! I mean, really. We won 3 games and lost 3 (and that makes 6 games altogether, phew), but what made everything worth it was these three people! Since I'm dead broke, everything was sponsored (and shared?) HAHA!

We went crazy and gaga laughing all the way, almost got wrecked down by car, in search for Mau's darling LOLOLOL and everything! Farzan with his hideous bruise (no offence) and Mau (yang tak main pun senanye HAHA!) were busy planning out strategies netballers should adapt, which was of course, was insanely hillarious! Worse, they were cheering Edy the sharp shooter while she's playing and distracting other players as well. Huiehhehehhehh malang la Cardiff dapat supporter camtu.

Thanks Farzan for the burger trolley Sainsbury and nasik kerabu duit raya tak jadi :( Also for the nasik goreng tengah jalan and banananananana!
Thanks Mau for the bus fare (as your little sister like you claimed) and mocha coffee break before train ride!
Thanks Edy for the nasik kerabu shared by four people walaupun takde la kenyang sangat tapi best gilaaa!

Sumeorang, THANKS FOR THE DAY!

At the end of the day I was already half dead. Well perhaps it's just me exaggerating, but being in Leicester with very few Malaysians and never-ending studying people so kiasu one, this is just what I need, a getaway, a break, a DENIAL wtf! HAHAHAHAH!

Okay people, back to depression mode. Nasik ayam in two weeks time, cant waittt!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Whatsup Ayah.

Phone conversation with Ayah.

Me: Ayah...... Kalau naaaakkk.....
Ayah: Kawen?
Me: Naakkk.
Ayah: Oh do his parents know? Sort it out. If they're okay with it me and your mum bla bla bla.. *all the marriage talks
Me: Okayy. But I was meaning to ask. Kalau naakkkk... Quit medic?
Ayah: Whyyy? You haven't finished yet why quit? You see, you only have 4 years to go my friend, if you call me on this date next year it would be 3 years left bla bla bla.. *all the medic talks
Me: ...

Kalau bab kawen laju je bagi suggestion, tapi cakap pasal medic sikit terus gelabah -.-

Ayah: You know, they say if you give your kids some mainan doctor doctor when they're small, they'll grow up inspired to become a doctor. I guess it doesn't work for you then.
Me: Have you ever bought me such toys? I can't remember any.
Ayah: Then I guess we forgot to buy it for you la kot.
Me: ...

Ayah: How come you never online GTalk?
Me: No one uses GTalk anymore. People use WhatsApp laa.
Ayah: What's that?
Me: Chatting platform like usual SMS. Free on Android. Cmon la. Cakap pro-Android. Me on iPhone pun kena beli.
Ayah: So you Whatsup Whatsdown with Adam ask him how he copes with Medic la, daripada duk cakap benda tadak pekdah.
Me: ...

Ayah: There's this saying, progress is passion driven by direction.
Me: I don't have passion already, how to drive?
Ayah: *chuckles. Hurm. Betul jugak kan?
Me: ...

And later that day..

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The broken ones.

When you love someone, you put their needs before your own. 
No matter how inconceivable those needs were; no matter how fucked up; no matter how much it made you feel like you were ripping yourself into pieces. 
The Pact, Jodi Picoult

Sunday, March 11, 2012

First Lady.


Malaysia & You Belfast 2012 Gala 
The Great Hall, Belfast City Hall
March 10th, 2012

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Wed.

Para kekasih hati. 

Too pretty. NANGES.



Looking at these pictures (stolen from Eniey's Facebook), reminiscing the good old crazy times when we used to have fun in our own way (and often found ourselves in deep trouble later), not giving a single damn about others, sharing every tear (and food and Maggi and cikedis whatnot), how time really flies. Well. we all grow up, don't we? We change, priorities change, responsibilities taken. We are no longer those rebellious kids messing around. 


Don't make me sad, don't make me cry,
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough,
I don't know why.

Keep making me laugh, let's go get high,
The road is long we'll carry on, 
Try to have fun in the meantime.

Born to Die, Lana Del Rey


Now that you're married, Insyirah, I hope your kids will be as awesome as we all are! Okay jk. May you have a blissful life, bercinta secara halal *cough* and of course, till Jannah, inshaAllah.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Dissection.

I must have been really insane to dissect my own Anatomy book.


May you rest in peace.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Pain.

Series of ultimate headache and nausea in less than a week.
And vomitting.
This is the fourth or fifth time, I can hardly remember.
Worse, sleeping doesn't help.
All I know is the rows of paracetamol are now down to one.
One as if, a dose.
1000mg and that's two tablets.
That's all I got left.
Please, dear head, stop spinning.
I can't catch up with you.
You've only got one chance or else I'll have to drag myself to the town and get more Paracetamol.
Just to play along with you and your game.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Lelaki ini.


I went through the hassle of rotating, cropping and resizing your picture so even if it doesn't make it to the welcome page on the booklet, at least it's here.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

The epitome of momop.

Since Lynn posted the half price for Ben & Jerry's ice cream in Belfast, I have been bugging Adam to buy B&J and stock it up since I can't find such offer here in Leicester at the moment. 


I guess I really annoyed the crap out of him until he got really tired of it and sent me this.



Berani la you samakan B&J I dengan lori ais krim nih. Putus!