Saturday, February 27, 2010

if you wanna rock on i'm ready to roll.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.

up 2 u thn...xnk sdh.


Friday, February 26, 2010

for you a thousand times over.

oh yes yes. this is my second time i manage to keep my eyes wide open after 12 since chinese new year break (or was it since i submitted my final TOK essay?whatever).
soooo.. ladies and gentlemen...



haiyyyooohhh. i know something is definitely wrong with me. very much aware that final is nearing. but what can i do? die lahh. (quoted from mr guna). very much nervous, very much unprepared, and yet.. very much... idle. yes, idle is the word. lazying around. curling in fetal position, with the best companion ever - BOOKS.

and duvet. my very muchies3 loved baby blue duvet.

hell-o, have i ever mentioned how much i hated IA? LAB REPORTS? ou yes, i still hate them. we had this compiling IA thingy last week, and it wasn't the best thing on earth. and yesterday i woke up at 6pm after a whole terrible stomachache strike, only to find out that my GDC was missing. and it IS still missing. also can die.

three-day holiday is the best cure, or as they say. but takbalikk?? haiyyoohh lagiii. a missed call from daddy, and some short text on maulidur rasul thingy before he took off? koyak is definitely the word. not the best cure, after all.

i've developed this habit of reading long ago. way, way way too long ago. but recently i've become more and more addicted. i could spend hours in various position in bed (haa???) finishing up a novel. it all started with Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult, followed by her Mercy, then came Damaged by Cathy Glass. right now i'm working on ( if i'm the author) Dorothy Koomson's My Best Friend's Girl.

and it reminds me of her. and me. US.

i lost my words, again. urghhh i hate this.

okay, think i should really be finishing up that book, and move on to A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khalid Hosseini.

wait a second, i'm still bounded to IB May 2010??


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

one unread email in you inbox.

boleh tak kalau saya nak gembira bila orang lain tengah sedih?

ps. saya sayang izleen, pija, nabilah, echuq, dan kawan3 saya yang lain. semua lah.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

dear classymates,

if you find me absent any days from this monday until friday with any reasons, (clinic, headache, brain damage, etc etc), then please note that they are all excuses. made up so that i can skip classes and go home early. if not home, i would be in bed curling up having my good own time grieving on the chinese new year holiday that seems so far away.

your kind act of not telling this to the teachers, (except mr. guna because i believe he has some kind of sixth sense when it comes to people skipping classes) would be highly appreciated.

thank you.



does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right.

it just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.

i'm sorry.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

maybe if my heart stops beating it won't hurt this much.

not even 24 hours passed, i think i'm already shattered. if tears can be crystallized, then by now i should be having a dream castle, all crystal clear, with a stream of tears flowing beneath my feet.


'and certainly We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patient ones'
[al-baqarah 2:155]

in authentic hadith, the Prophet (pbuh) said:
'and now what has befallen you was not going to miss you, and that which missed you was not ment to befall you'.


emotion. perception. language. to hell with TOK essay.

yesterday wasn't a very good day, apparently. well, not that fantastic. despite of the effort of trying to skip the ASSembly whatsoever discussing about the year 2's problems (aren't our problems i.e. IB Exam OBVIOUS to you??), i got caught for something else. it might sound funny, but i prefer to call it as stupid. yes, stupid as an asshole. though i don't know how stupid can an asshole be.

all right. stop there.

i'm not sure if you'll read this. you will, eventually. but i'm not sure if it's in the right time. or maybe long after this, only then you find this out. i don't know. but since i can't reach you in any personal ways, and i won't be seeing you until you-know-when, then this is my only way to say what i want to say, when i feel like saying it. which is now.

i'm sorry. sorry for the fact that i can't understand you. it's not like i don't, it's more towards i can't. i tried, very hard, indeed. but it seems that my effort has never been enough. and every word uttered seems wrong. every word not uttered, on the other hand, seems to make me feel wrong. was it something i did, or was it your words? or was it because of the way i am?

sometimes you make me feel sick. look sick. but the sickness can be a pure ecstasy when i look at it differently. only when it becomes overwhelming, i can no longer look at it from a different angle. everything becomes more or less the same. there is a very fine line between yes and no, right and wrong, love and hate.. and a syllable like, 'uhhh' can be interpreted in a thousand ways. i'm so freaking tired. understanding you has become one of my most important subject in IB. and i wonder what my predicted grade is..

okay, i lost my words. i think i need to get back to my TOK essay. without you, obviously. i wonder if i can stand not seeing your name appearing on my phone for you-know-how-long. but i'll try. and i'll be fine, don't worry.

take care.